Archive: A Month Away

A few eye-catching headlines scribbled during April 2004.

Aside from the temporary (and long term) rearrangement of priorities, the glaring insignificance of the body of work and a few other lame excuses (time, inspiration, risk,…), Abu Shreek must reaffirm that he does not cater to any specific group of people other than his own self, and hence, he felt free to take an unannounced one- month leave of absence. With all due respect to my dear four and a half readers (seriously folks, stop spending that much time reading ridiculously irrelevant e-stuff. You may want to consider a hobby and/or some friends), but if three years don’t make the slightest difference in the collective existence, what is the worth of one month in the marginal lives of the individual?

Looking at now and then one cannot but sarcastically wonder: where would we be now if not for the electronic revolution that allowed for every semi-literate computer user to voice out his/her opinion (and I use the term opinion loosely)?

For entertainment purposes, here are a few pages from the April 2004 news clippings, exactly as they were recorded then:

April 14^th:

-Reports about Iranian diplomatic efforts to instigate talks between the Americans and “Al Sader” militias.

-The destruction of a mosque in Fallujah using laser guided missiles.

- Palestinian prisoner day. (More than 7500 Palestinians in the occupation prisons).

-Jewish lobbyist groups ask Google to take the website jewwatch.com off their search listing and Google denies their request.

April 15^th:

-Bush meets with Sharon and supports all his plans: the unilateral withdrawal from Gaza, maintaining and expanding the illegal settlements in the West Bank, the continuation of occupation of the West Bank and the decisive rejection of the right of return for Palestinian refugees.

-Bin Laden offers Europe a truce and his offer is met with the ridicule it deserves.

-19^th year on the assassination of Abu Jihad in his home in Tunisia.

-The U.S. accuses AlJazeera and AlArabiyya news channels of promoting anti-American sentiments that triggers violence acts against America forces.

-An Italian hostage is executed on tape by a random militia group, and they threaten to murder three more hostages.

-A rally commemorates April 13^th as the day marking the beginning of the Lebanese civil war (which one?).

April 16^th:

-The fierce American bombing of Fallujah continues, more than two weeks after the killing and the corpse mutilation of four American contractors. The international community had condemned the American operation a week ago, when the Iraqi death toll was at 400, and remained silent since.

-Various international reactions to Bush’s promises to Sharon: Arabic news papers describe it as the “New Balfour promise”, the Jewish papers describe it as a “Historic triumph” and Sharon describes it as the “Knockout”.
As a reminder, the Bush promises are:
No withdrawal to the 1967 borders
No right of return
Dismantling the settlements is impractical

-The Jordanian field hospital in Iraq was accidentally bombed by American occupation forces.

-A rise on the prices of Falafel in Jordan

-Bush in a press conference: “The WMDs could still be found in Iraq”

-The Egyptian journalist union rejects an American fund of 35 million dollars intended to train 50 journalists in American universities, expressing their displeasure with the Bush promises to Sharon.

April 16^th:

-Bob Woodward mentions in his book that Colin Powell has warned Bush that the invasion of Iraq will lead to a “you break it, you own it” situation.

-A Saudi man is arrested for participating in a talk show on AlJazeera news channel.

-An emergency landing of a plane, traveling between Doha and Casablanca after an unsuccessful kidnapping attempt without a weapon!

-600 reported cases of German measles in Jordan.

-The King of Jordan tours the United States and abstains from commenting on the Bush promises to Sharon.

-Libya remains on the terrorist states list despite apologizing and paying 4 million dollars to each family of the Pan Am Lockerbie flight victims.

-German police authorities thoroughly search two mosques after Al Juma’a prayers and check the identification documents of hundreds of those who were in the mosque.

-HRH princess Muna Al Hussein recommends Golf for Jordanians as a relaxing sport of many benefits.

-The price of a one pack of locally made Viceroy cigarettes is 85 piasters.

-The assassination of Dr. Abdul Azziz Al Ranteessi. The charismatic Hamas leader was the spokesman of the Palestinians who were deported by the occupation forces and remained trapped in “Marj Al Zohoor” on the Palestinian Lebanese border. The assassination comes after the unconditional American green light.

-Jordan announces that the capital was targeted by a chemical terrorist attack that was estimated to cause 20,000 casualties if the planners were not caught in time.

April 19^th:

-The Spanish forces withdraw from Iraq, a month after the Madrid bombings. Total number of troops: 1432. The new Spanish prime minister fulfills his promises to his voters, and announced that Spain’s targets were the WMDs and not fighting terrorism. The country celebrates.

-Pakistan presents a request to the human rights committee in the United Nations to hold a special session to discuss the Israeli assassinations of Palestinian leaders especially the assassination of Sheikh Ahmad Yassine (March 22^nd). 53 countries agree, the U.S., Australia and Eritrea reject the proposal.

- A rise on the prices of Electricity in Jordan.

-Is there a bottom to the hole we are sinking in?

April 21^st:

-The king of Jordan suspends his meetings with the American president.

-The Zionist state invests 10 million dollars in expanding the West Bank settlements.

-An informal discussion in the America supreme court over the legality of detaining Muslims and Arabs in Guantanamo. Some voices claim that “The American bill of rights does not distinguish between citizens and non-citizens”.

-Massacre in Gaza: Zionist invasion in Gaza results in 12 Palestinian martyrs within 24 hours.

-A bombing in Saudi Arabia, three terrorist killed in Jordan after they tried to attack the Ministry of local affairs, and the death of 69 Iraqis in Basra.

-George Bush insists on using the term “crusade” in describing his war on terror.

April 22^nd:

-General Electric and Siemens suspend their work in Iraq.

-A study examining the family incomes of American college students reveals that the distinguished top-tier schools are dominated by those who come from high income families.

-Routine news from Iraq and Palestine: tens are dead, a 16 your old Palestinian dies after taking a bullet in the neck.

-Sudan is accused of committing genocide in Darfur.

-A Swiss bank returns 50 million dollars to the Nigerian government. The money is a portion of the treasury and central bank assets stolen by the Nigerian ex-president Sani Abacha. The estimated total amount that should be returned is 2.2 billion dollars.

-Reports that “Israel” posses 100-400 nuclear war heads and three German submarines capable of carrying nuclear arsenal.

-Bush: “The world leaders owe Sharon many thanks”!

-Reports of wide spread of mercenaries in Iraq, who are operating under the name: private military companies. They do not subscribe to the international war conventions, they are paid up to 10,000 dollars per day, and the majority of them are war criminals from Serbia (White Eagles) or from the remains of South Africa’s apartheid regime.

April 23^rd:

-The contract of an employ at an American shipping company working in Kuwait is terminated after she takes a picture of rows of coffins wrapped in American flags carrying the bodies of American soldiers home. The pentagon bans the publication of those pictures.

-A group called “kata2ebb al 7aramain: The brigades of the two holy shrines” announces its responsibility for the latest Riyadh bombings.

-In an African state located between South Africa and Mozambique called “Swaziland”, the king relieved the prime minister of his duties by sending him a text message. The king of Swaziland is the administrative and spiritual head of state and he appoints the prime minister and a small numbers of representatives in the parliament whose majority consists of members elected every 5 years.

-The price of AlRai daily news paper rises from 15 piasters to 20.

April 24^th:

-A partial lift of the economic sanctions imposed on Libya (lucky them).

-Sharon threatens to assassinate Yasser Arafat, three weeks after making the statement: “Arafat would be a bad investment for life insurance companies”

-Three Palestinian activists are assassinated in Jewish operation executed by a group of special army forces wearing civil clothes.

-Paul Bremer decides to rehire the so-called ex-Bathist in the respective civil service positions and the appointed Iraqi government council rejects his decision.

April 28^th:

-A Saudi student is taken to trial for webmastering several internet sites that are considered to be “promoting Jihad”.

-70,000 Jewish settlers hold a demonstration against the withdrawal from Gaza. The population of Gaza consists of 7,500 Jewish settlers and 1.5 million Palestinians.

-“Israel announces that it will dig a “valley” across the length of the Egyptian-Palestinian border to stop the flow of weapons to the Gaza strip!

-AlGathafi tours Europe promoting Islam.

April 29^th:

-The pentagon releases a report claiming that all the resistance acts against the American troops are conducted by “Saddam Hussein agents”.

-PBS broadcasts a documentary-“The Jesus Factor”- demonstrating the Christianity effect on George Bush decision making and his confusion regarding the concept of “separation of state and church”.

-The anniversary of the 1992 Los Angeles riots. 54 four deaths and a billion dollar in damages.

-The “Israeli” chess teams participate in the world cup tournament held in Libya!

-Jordanian press reports that Bush considers offering the king of Jordan written guarantees regarding the key issues of “final stage” negotiations :o)

- Saddam Hussein’s birthday.

April 30^th:

-American occupation authorities considers turning over AlFallujah to Iraqis to be self-administrated after failing to control it.

-An increase in the American voices opposing the Iraqi occupation especially after releasing photos and videos showing American soldiers torturing prisoners.

-An annual American report defining the various aspects of international terrorism considers Iraq “A central front for terrorism”! The report congratulated Jordan, Morocco, Qatar and Egypt on their efforts in fighting terrorism.

-Abu Mossab Al Zarqawi accuses the Jordanian government of fabricating the “chemical attacks” story and threatens the Jordanian government with serious operations over the coming few years.

-Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Hungary, Poland, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Slovenia, Cyprus and Malta join the European Union.

-A quarter million Jordanian from various parts of the country participates in the “Loyalty to Jordan” march.

-Merriam-Webster dictionary adds the following alternative definitions to “anti-Semitism”: Opposition to Zionism and the sympathy for the opponents of Israel.

Now what?

Profile: Must Speak Papers

A reluctant rant

Today marks the 12th day since the “historic” speech took place. A 25- minute Wednesday morning speech squeezed between House sessions discussing the Libby case and Sewage management (seriously). The historic “I Must Speak” speech that was filled with generalities (bordering superficiality) that one would think it was delivered by mother Teresa, not by the ruler of a country who hosts more than 2 million Palestinian refugees dreaming of return.

Well, the true effect of the speech and its place in history remains to be seen: maybe the American congress and the President were so moved by the conveyed picture of a starving Palestinian family or maybe they felt the anxiety of a Zionist mother while her kid mounts the bus (way to present a picture that have the Palestinians and Jewish occupiers at a similar suffering level), or maybe they were reminded that the American empire was supposed to, at least, act like it was built on justice and freedom for all, not on slavery, genocide and bloodshed from the Native Americans to Iraqis and all the murder in between. All of this does not matter and will not matter, but please do not tell the Jordanian printed media that.

For the 12th straight day (not counting the two weeks preceding the speech) every daily news paper had at least one editorial, column or an opinion section dancing, waving hands and blowing horns in celebration of the historic speech. The first-page columnists have already written two articles each. One (more liberal) daily took a shorter route and just permanently pasted a link to the full speech on its electronic first page. “Celebrating” the speech has officially replaced his majesty’s birthday as the longest celebrated occasion of the year (and that is no small feat). Just keep in mind that all this coverage is far from being an objective debate about the “positives” and “negatives”, or the “likes or dislikes”. It is a simply a non-stop festival of picture-waving, “dabkeh” dancing, “Hashmi Hashmi” yelling over an irrelevant event.

Here is what practically happened: all four editors-in-chief of the Jordanian dailies were invited to join his majesty on the historic trip and join the exceptionally inflated accompanying delegation (which despite all the coverage, one could not find the exact list of people joining the trip, or the names of the guests in her majesty’s box). On the way home, each of the editors-in-chief was issued a bag of party whistles and was instructed to distribute them to his employees (one whistle per so-called journalist) and keep blowing them until they all choke. And that is the first step in installing free independent press that will monitor all three branches of the government.(Of course, the next step is the infamous criminalizing publications laws).

Now, over the past few years (well, few decades) one got used to the local news papers being practically a press release of the palace. Here is a quick example: Pick a random day from the electronic archives of any daily and there is no doubt that the three opening headlines, at least, are king related (not that there is anything wrong with that). About a month ago the leading daily AlRai featured SEVEN “His majesty did..” stories on its first page!! On the bright side his majesty is not really involved in the political life and he maintains an honorary and advisory role that is not allowed to be questioned.

All of this is understood, after all this is not Sweden, and the papers are nothing but a reflection of the people. One can brush off the repetitive sucking-up waste of space articles. One can laugh off a cover page column entitled “Girls” that opens with seven straight paragraphs describing “school girls” in a borderline pedophilic overtone and closes with “long live the king”… repeated thrice! (Now that’s some creative writing). But reporting imaginary things as facts, assuming that people still live in the 19^th century is unacceptable.

Here is an excerpt from the 2 millionth “historic speecht” article:

جلالة الملك حقق اختراقا مهما في السياسة الأميركية فلأول مرة يجلس الرئيس الاميركي جورج بوش مع جلالته وهو يضع ورقة وقلماً ويقول لجلالة الملك ماذا تقترح علي أن اعمل؟ ومع وأين؟ وغيرها من الأسئلة المهمة التي تؤشر
“His majesty the king has achieved an important breakthrough in the American policy. For the first time George Bush holds a paper and a pen and asks his majesty: What should I do? What doYou suggest? And many other important questions”.

Honestly whether this is another form of “creative” writing or not, I could not but imagine his majesty resting back, crossing his legs in Bush’s face and dictating some suggestions to him, while poor Bush is writing down the tips in confusion: (“So you suggest we pressure them into NOT demolishing the Aqsaa mosque? Mmm, interesting! So… Do you spell Aqsaa with one A or two AAs?”). The only reason that one may be skeptical about such an incident, is the fact that there was no reported official meeting that took place between his majesty and president Bush, at least according to the unreliable American papers and the white house press releases! “The President and Mrs. Bush hosted the King and Queen of Jordan for a private dinner”. End of story. His majesty and Bush were both in casual clothes, no ties, no press conferences, and definitely no pen or paper anywhere in sight. Well maybe that took place during another one of these historically notorious secret meetings.

Again, this should not be a big deal. From the Jordanian perspective Jordan is the center of the universe, while from the American perspective, not as much. From the Jordanian point of view his majesty is meeting with the CEO’s and the giants of the Massachusetts economy lobbying for investing oppurtunities in Jordan, while from the Boston Herald’s perspective he is simply promoting his 36,000 $ a year prep school.

What is more alarming is when the 1984-ish phenomenon of actively and retroactively distorting the truth extends to polish tainted characters of lesser stature than the king. When you get to a point where you are referring to the current Head of Parliament using the sentence: “I recall that he was always democratic, understanding of differences, and receptive to arguments”!! Because nothing screams democracy more than the guy who was the chief of the police department under extended periods of “Martial Laws”. That is the same guy who threatened to use violence and to arrest a journalist, under the parliaments dome, a month ago!(And by the way, that Audi police cars deal we always joked about, according to the above “distinguished” columnist, turned out to be a great investment deal that generated revenue since the cars were eventually sold at a higher price!).
I just can’t wait to see the articles written when (when not if) the convicted ex-head of the intelligence department is released from jail (Oops, I mean returns from London, Aqaba or wherever he is currently vacationing) and assumes the position of the “Head of anti-Corruption Department”.

As a closer, some words of wisdom to live by: “In my days in Massachusetts, I also learned something of New England virtues. There wasn’t actually a law against talking too much, but there was definitely an attitude that you didn’t speak unless you could improve on silence. Today, I must speak; I cannot be silent.”
Just wondering: “In the improbable case that some random Jordanian felt that his majesty did not represent him/her accurately in front of the congress for whatever reason, could this citizen “speak”, or is it a perquisite that he or she lived, currently lives or was able to afford the luxury of an education… in New England?”

NCAA: March to Victory (I)

An intro segment to the NCAA 07 Basketball tournament

The NCAA college basketball tournament has been called the most exciting event in all of sports. This may not be very accurate but it is definitely a very intriguing event with multiple story lines and unprecedented drama generated by the single elimination format. Here are three reasons to watch the tournament:

-The talent level is just tremendous. With the NBA installing the “one year out of high school” draft rule many players who could have been acting like 16-17 year old immature basketball players in the NBA, are playing college hoops. Instead of draft class topped by Bargnani, Aldrige and Morrison (pedestrian players), we are heading towards the deepest NBA draft in years. There are NBA- level talents in the teams playing in NIT! Just check out this list and watch for some of these players during the games.

-The version of basketball played is much closer to real basketball than it is to street ball and (And1) mixed tapes. If you play basketball, you may learn something or two watching these kids. I was never a big fan of those who claim that college athletics are “better” “purer” and “more exciting” than professional ones, but one has to admit that while every now and then there is an epic instant-classic NBA game like yesterday’s Mavs-Suns, there are many extremely boring, isolation-based, ball-palming un-watchable NBA games. Take these two examples:
-College kids make their open shots. You cannot say that about the recent NBA.
-Big men play a fundamentally-sound low-post game. They may not be that quick but most of them has at least on or two low post moves.

-The college tournament is the only real high-stakes sporting event scheduled until early April. The NBA regular season is practically over but we have to sit through another month of meaningless games to determine which team, the Nets or The Knicks is going get bounced in the first round of the endless playoffs. MLB opening day is April first. And even the ridiculously over-hyped NFL draft is scheduled around the third week of April.

Now, I was planning on explaining the rationale behind my bracket selections for this years tourney until I realized that this is probably the only thing more annoying than someone telling you about their fantasy team. But last Sunday I got a good look at all four top seeds in their championship games, and I was convinced that this years tournament is a must-see event.

My notes from hoops Sunday [4 college games, and 1.5 NBA ones over 12 hours (I just could not finish the Lakers-Mavs game because it was over by the first quarter. That was the same game after which Phil Jackson announced: "we could sign Jesus Christ right now and he won't be able to help us.Terrence in Sierra Madre followed up on that by: "Let’s how they don’t try to recruit Mohammad, then the whole Middle East will go nuts, screaming bloody hell and burning Lakers jerseys")] are:

I like Greg Oden more than Kevin Durant, but my favorite Ohio State player is Mike Conley jr. Florida has three players that can be top ten picks (Noah, Brewer and my favorite Horford). I have no idea how good are Georgetown or UCLA.
North Carolina has excellent guard play and the third best player in all of college in Brandan Wright. Texas coach played zone defense on Kansas’ last possession of the second half and Kansas hit a three pointer to tie the game and win in over time.[And I am a stupid idiot to pick Texas to beat UNC in the Elite 8. I just hope Durant plays the game his life against UNC and I hope that Roy Williams did not watch tape of the undersized Brandon Rush shutting Durant down in the second half against Kansas]. More thoughts on teams (other than my final four) andsome excerts from Bob Knight's latest interviews may be coming soon.

Given the fact that the stakes are high than ever, and given the fact that this is the most important and most exciting tournament ever (for 1254 reasons), Abu Shreek may retire from public life and take a vow of eternal silence if he does not win his high-stakes pool.

The Mailbag (VII)

A mini-mailbag precisely aimed at targeting many of the current tough issues surrounding the Arab and Islamic world from a bird’s eye perspective (where everything looks flat). (و يا محلى النصر بعون الله).

What ranks lower on the pathetic human-being level: The guy who sells his sperm or the guy who sells his blood plasma?
-Bum, weighing his options
P.S. If you are planning on going with a smart-ass reply like “a job would be your best option”, then please save me your hilarious sarcasm and forget I asked.

First, Abu Shreek always does his best to answer the exact question asked, and we are all sure that if getting a job was an available option, you would not have resorted to selling bodily fluids as a survival technique.

Now, that is one of the trick questions that may make you jump to a quick conclusion only to realize that you made the wrong decision. Just consider the following factors:

Time: The process of donating sperm takes a much shorter time than donating plasma. (Donating plasma usually takes about an hour for the blood to be withdrawn, the plasma centrifuged out, and the red cells pumped back in). However the application and the pre-screening process for the sperm donation may take a longer duration
Edge (One time): Tie
Edge (repeat donor): Sperm

Money: Plasma donations usually pay around $45-60 (for two donations a week), where according to (TSBC: The Sperm Bank of California): “You are paid $75 for every ejaculate that meets our minimum sperm count, a payment that increases to $90 after your first 25 acceptable ejaculates. You are paid $200 when you complete the exit blood test, which is required six months after you retire from the program.”
Edge: Sperm by a mile. (When you factor in the time as a (per hour “wage”), the discrepancy is even greater).

Frequency: You can only donate plasma twice a week, where you can donate sperm with a much higher frequency (up to three times a day). However, it also depends on the program you are enlisted in and their needs.
Edge: Tie (you are not in control in either case)

Pain and losses: The plasma donation includes being stuck with a big fat needle for every donation. You lay on a bed with your legs up like a patient and you may experience dizziness and dehydration resulting from the loss of minerals, water and more importantly protein (which you cannot afford in the first place). Sperm donation involves no loss of nutrients and no significant pain (except that pain you suffer to your dignity).
Edge: Sperm

Chances that you will have your numerous kids running around unaccounted for and since the world is a small village, there is a remote (but possible) chance that two of your unaccounted for kids end up marrying each other, among the other many social and moral complications: Enough said.
Edge: Plasma

The final decision is always yours. Abu Shreek does not get involved in life-changing decisions affecting his own destiny, let alone other people’s future.

I would like to believe that my physical abilities are constant and does not decline (by) age. However, witnessing super stars (ripe) in their sports and eventually retire (i.e. Andre Agassi) compels me to believe otherwise, or is it possible that these guys just get fed up with the fame and fortunes and decide to pursue other interests in life?
-Romel, Undisclosed location

Wow! Thos are probably two of the most misinformed statements that I have ever heard in succession. Well, let me first break out the bad news to you: If you even have any physical abilities (doubtful), they WILL decline with age (also, this is just in: water is wet, and the student is just like a pupil if he gets an (F) he will instantly fail the class). As for the second part I just want to tell you that Michael Jordan finished his career with the Washington Wizards averaging 20 points (10 full points below his career average) on a team that finished 37-45 in back to back years. Jerry Rice, the best wide receiver of all time and the holder of every possible record at the position, finished his career with the Seattle Seahawks catching 28 balls all year and was shutout in the last three games of his career. (He still returned the next year but could not make it out of training camp as the Broncos fourth wide receiver), then he “competed” in “Dancing with Stars”!

When Andre Agassi held the World No. 1 world ranking in 2003 he was the oldest No. 1 ranked male player ever at 33 years and 13 days. He held the No.1 ranking on that occasion for 14 weeks and never held it again, never won a grand slam again, and won his last ATP event in 2005 (trumpet: obituary music). Everything that followed in his career was running on fumes and hanging in too late (again, he was D-U-N- done four years ago). It got to a point where the surprise is if he goes deep in a tournament (like when he reached the finals in the ’05 U.S. open against inferior competition (his toughest win was James Blake!)).

Athletes live for the spotlights and competition and they can never quit. Most of them are not very unsuccessful in the “other interests” they try to pursue. They may tell you they enjoy spending time with the family and playing golf, but the minute a team expresses a remote interest they jump back in (Scottie Pippen and Reggie Miller are both looking to play again). The problem is that they are oblivious to the fact that: yes skills do diminish with age (unless you are Roger Milla, Ricky Henderson, or Julio Franco).

One more thing, since you are a repeat e-mailer and you got me to do some sports research, during a really dead sports period, you are the winner of the prestigious email of the week award. Contact our offices and leave your mailing address. You will receive your award sooner or later (just ask the previous winners).

Do you agree with the following statement? “The most important thing about being alive is that one has the opportunity to do what is right, or to do what is wrong; and that one has the power to choose; and that one has not the power to refuse that choice.Second question: Seriously, why are men and women infatuated in understanding each other...who caaaaares?
-7aki Fadi, Canada

We usually do not allow for multiple questions per reader, but given the fact that: A. You are always saying nice things about my articles (Damn, it seems like I DO have a soft spot for compliments) and B. Your first statement is so inappropriate for this space, you are unfortunately banned from submitting any other questions for two months.

I read the first statement five times and every time I am starting to put something together I get completely thrown off by the last part that seems to be out of place. (Or, there is a distant chance that I am really challenged when it comes to philosophical statements especially those who have a “existence theory/humans and their lives” dimension to them. The most important thing about being alive is being able to enjoy food. Right and wrong is all relative (yet obviously clear!) (ballahi kaif? I feel like a philosophikker already) and no one can completely and freely choose, yet everyone has to make lemons out of the hand that is being dealt to them (unless one finds out about committing suicide by autoerotic asphyxiation).

As for the second part (and since I already have my philosophickization hat on): The desire to be able to penetrate the opposite gender’s brain stems from the need to experience certain incidents from the other perspective and hence to be able to relate to it, which eventually makes life easier for everyone. Women are able to read and interpret other women’s words, gestures and actions because they feel or understand how they feel. When a man see another man punching a wall because his favorite team lost ….Ahh screw it….You are definitely banned.

In light of the challenges of globalization, climate change and political reform in the region, and not withstanding the seriousness of the Danish insults to our beloved Prophet (PBUH), I found myself challenged by a new internal struggle about the proper way to eat Danish Butter Cookies.
It has long been established that Danish Butter Cookies, ( like trallali Tivoli baskot bil zibdeh), are eaten in multiples of four. However, the selection of the four cookies has always left me in bewilderment and moral dilemma: Do I eat four cookies of one kind that come in a single paper cup, or do I select one of each kind so that the can is consumed at a more even rate?
Each day we are forced to make tough decisions and I am turning to your wisdom for helping me make this tough decision once and for all.
Be Blessed.
-ka3ki, Sesame Street, Utah

As we express our appreciation to the confidence you show in our capabilities in targeting issues that are worth our time and effort, here is the best scientific breakdown we can offer to your dilemma:

Given:
-A tin package of DBCs that has the standard four cookies variety in their standard four per paper cup.
-The preferred number of cookies consumed is four or its multiples.

Required:
-The best way to distribute the consumption: One cup of four OR a collection of four different ones?

Assumptions:
-The pretzel-shaped cookie and the rectangle cookie are assumed to have the same taste [approximation].
- The swirling-round cookie is the best [various references].
-This is a synthesis (design) problem that does not have a stand-alone answer, but rather an optimal resolution for a presented situation.
-No single individual living by himself/herself should consider purchasing a pack of this product, especially if he/she is under some psychological stress or depression. [This would offer the trivial case, where the whole package would be consumed in a single session (two sessions max)].

Solution:
Case I: As a visitor.
As a guest who is offered such a treat by your host, be courteous: put your personal preferences aside and try to pick the situation that will keep the can “presentable” after you leave. Avoid the last cookie in a cup. Pick from the full ones. Your best option will be to limit your total to two cookies and give the excuse “I’m watching my weight”. (When your host leaves to get the drinks, stuff two more in your jacket pockets).

Case II: Raiding the kitchen.
Your number one target is not to get caught with your hand in the cookie jar, or at least create the illusion that would allow you to deny accusations if you become a suspect. If the can is relatively new, then a full cup of four is your best bet (do not forget to redistribute the remaining cups to cover for the empty space). If the cups have big spacings among them, then you go with the variety of four, but do not be too committed to all four different cookies of them: If your situation looks better (meaning: the can looks unchanged) with unbalanced four-cookie selection, go for it (i.e. say there is only one square cookie left, just go for two pretzels).

Case III: In a friendly family atmosphere.
You are sitting with your significant other or your parents trying to get some dessert after a good meal. That’s the situation with the most variables (that may need a small programming code (with some Do loops) to resolve), since most of the time you are under minimal outside constraints. Here is where the spouse or parents must interfere: some outsider regulations to assure that the total number of cookies consumed do not exceed four (that’s 23 calories and 7 grams of fat per cookie) and to assure that the can stays in decent shape in case some unexpected guests stop by and you have to offer them something to go with the tea.

Conclusion:
There has been one of these chain letters circulating (I received it as recently as last weak!!) claiming that the man who drew the Danish cartoons was accidentally burnt to death and the Denmark is “hiding the news”! I just cannot stop wondering how come all the other depictions of the prophet Mohammad (from the one showing him as a little kid entitled: “The monk Bahira recognizing the prophetic mission of Muhammad [original in Jami’ Al Tawareekh (710A.D. currently preserved at the Edinburgh University library) to his appearance in South Park “Super Best Friends”] went unnoticed. Seriously who make those decisions: “Okay people, let’s go crazy. NOW”.
Either way, (قاطعوهم لعنهم الله : Boycott them god damn it).

Who are you anyway? Is Abu Shreek even a real person? Does anyone know who this person is? Are you even Jordanian or are you “Sri Lankan”? Are you being paid by foreign agencies to conspire against our flourishing country and to tarnish our legacy?
-Many Comrades, most of them who never even bothered to read Abu Shreek’s pieces, and who believe that singing “Hashmi Hashmi” twice in the morning, twice at night, and one time during the day is the recipe for success and an indication that the country is booming.

Here is a quick recollection of some of the previous points made in this space in order to cater for those who did not bother to read, because they either suffer from a short attention span, or most probably they do not care for such “nonsense”. This is a useless attempt to enable them to formulate a better judgment before feeling free to start tossing accusations around, creating their own definitions for “constructive criticism”, and questioning loyalties and devotion to our country.

-The history of the Hashemite family in Jordan may not be as “pure” as we were taught at school: King Abdullah the first may have struck a deal with the British and betrayed his own father in exchange for the piece of land east of the river. There is a chance that his father Sahreef Hussein of Mecca, on his way to exile, uttered the statement (الا ليت الفيصل فيصلان وليت عبدالله ما كان: I wish I had two sons like Faisel instead of having Abdullah). He may have had strong ties with the Jewish agency and may have had deals with them on splitting influence over the area west of the river. He ended up being assassinated. King Talal, the father of the constitution, was forced to abdicate due to an alleged mental condition. King Hussein single-handedly built modern Jordan. He was able to maintain a safe and stable country in a volatile area without resorting to murder and brutal assassination technique like his fellow dictators. However that does not mean that he was not on the CIA payroll under a code-name and for a few millions a year in direct payoffs (Bob Woodward: Shadow”- A follow-up Time magazine story from 1977), or that does not mean they he may have not had very close ties to the Zionists: he himself confirmed the allegations that he considered asking for their aid against the Palestinian organizations in 1970, and that he had secret talks with Issac Sahmir and others trying to reach a peace treaty as early as the 70s [50 years on the Arab-Isreali conflict]. He may have flown to meet with Golda Meier to warn her about a possible Egyptian-Syrian attack prior to the 1973 war. In appreciation of his efforts, the Zionists felt that it would be appropriate to issue a state stamp commemorating his death. He went from selling his tricycle as a kid to afford to eat [his autobiography] to being one of the richest rulers in the world, in less than 30 years! King Abdullah is doing his best to carry the country into the 21^st century but he can barely speak Arabic (which is really not a big deal when you compare it to the some of his other problems like political inexperience and lavish spending). [Of course, if you consider speaking the official language of the country you rule an unnecessary luxury then you may consider this to be an unjustified personal/character attack. On a similar note, here is the kind of jokes that people whispered in the streets whether you choose to acknowledge them or not: “Why did the secret police arrest a man for yawning? They thought he was mocking the King swearing-in speech”. [reference: middle school kids ,1999].

Now, whether these FACTS are true or not is irrelevant. All the above does NOT MATTER as long as we can move forward towards a situation more suitable for the 21^st century:

Under the current situation there is no other option than the palace as the sole and only decision-maker (there are no practical and ready alternatives). The democratic process that started in 1988 has been constantly regressing to the point that journalists are asking for the King’s protection against the parliament (!) and the assigned members of the parliament are more interested in the public well-being than the elected schmucks who continue to seek their own interests (As evident by the municipality laws, the anti-corruption laws, and the press laws). BUT, here are some basic demands that any self-respecting citizen would agree with:

-A level of proportionality between decision-making and responsibility. It is impossible to tolerate a situation where the sole decision-maker who possesses the absolute power is subjected to zero questioning and completely immune to criticism.

-Since the palace is the main (and only) political power, it can use its dominant influence to change the landscape of the political situation in Jordan (getting rid of the old-guard, using academic institutions and educated research to formulate new parties and election laws, encouraging personal freedoms…) until the palace is gradually withdrawn from politics altogether, to reach the state of an honorary constitutional royalty.

-Along the same lines, the palace can do a lot in fighting corruption. The King can use his honorable status (not to say domination on every aspect of life) to stop sponsoring and encouraging such parasites, starting at the highest level. [There is no bigger word that resonates with corruption in Jordan than the word (Deewan: Royal court): Why is this car did not get a speeding ticket? Deewan. Why is the laziest graduate of our class studies in England? Deewan. Why did this firm get the catering contract? Deewan contacts: The owner knows someone who knows the personal driver of someone who works at the Deewan]. A constitutional monitoring of fortune and spending is a vital step in fighting corruption, while always keeping in mind that the king of Jordan cannot afford nor is he entitled to the lifestyle of the Sultan of Brunei.

-Reconsidering the relationship between Jordan and the Zionists. Given the fact that the so-called Arab-Israeli peace process has been on hold, the 1994 treaty has a very “solitary” feel to it now, since none of the other Madrid conference participants has reached satisfactory resolutions. Jordan has huge stakes in the Palestinian issue (just think of the millions of refugees) and hence it needs to reestablish itself as a negotiator and a party in the process (a role bigger than the advisory theatric role it is currently attempting). While withdrawing from the peace treaty altogether may be diplomatically impossible, a harsher approach towards the atrocities of the Zionists can be taken, by remembering that the majority of the people of Jordan still consider them the enemy, and that the people are not comfortable with the current “friendly”- normalizing atmosphere.[On a side note: it may be the time to free Ahmad Al Daqamseh: So the over- enthusiastic kid committed an unacceptable act of violence, well, in times of war there are some collateral innocent casualties (just ask our American friends). The late king sincerely apologized and “kissed the heads” of the families of the “victims”. Well, the guy is not a criminal, and we are STILL in war status with the Zionists. He deserves to be released by now].

-The relationship with the United States can use some balancing too. They are the superpower and we won’t be able to deal with them as equal counterparts: Fine. But we should be able to maintain a little dignity and the feel of an independent country rather than an American colony. How else would one explain Bush visiting Jordan, meeting with his Iraqi government mercenaries and agents on our turf and then taking off without even meeting with his majesty our king?! How is this diplomatically acceptable and when did Jordan officially turned into a rented space for America and its Iraqi mess! Jordan has a lot of stakes and risks as a result of the Iraqi crisis (the refuges, the terrorism influx, the feel of insecurity and turbulence resulting from living between two occupations,…) and it had the right to be able be a party in determining the future of the region. (And just as a quick reminder: most of the Jordanian population does not recognize the CIA agents and opportunistic militia leaders as a legitimate Iraqi government even if the Jordanian officials are forced to treat them as such and give them medical attention in our hospitals).

Another option would be the "regime" making the following statement: “This is a farm owned by the royal family. They are the owners of the land and everything on it and those who dare to disagree with this situation are not welcome among our herd.” This admission will clarify the situation for those who refuse to take their heads out of the sand and most importantly would make it evident to those who long for a legitimate country that they would be better off looking for a better life as citizens of Canada. The regime would also save itself the worthless effort exerted in trying to appear as a defender of freedom and the leader of prosperity.

Other than that, Long live the king and “Hashmi Hashmi” from dusk to dawn.

Why the (heck) all the idiots in this country deem the Abdoun Bridge a threat to their lives? And would an increase in the frequency of masturbation offer a solution to the brain-dead problem in our society?
Frustrated Reckless LoML (M3assbeh), Amman

The reluctance to utilize the monumental and completely unnecessary landmark may seem ridiculously unjustified at first but you really cannot blame the people for being cautious. Maybe the size of thing is threatening to some simple (not to say naive) citizens, but that may also reflect the amount of trust those citizens have in the officials in charge. Let’s say a farfetched catastrophic accident happens to the “complex” structure, who is going to be held responsible?: The Amman mayor? The minister of constructions and housing? The prime minister? The current ones or the ones that preceded them in holding the revolving-door positions? Actually, here is the expected official statement: “Blame the Japanese contractors.” Or better yet: “This it is the people’s fault, they are unfamiliar with the proper procedure required to “use” the “service” properly.”

Judging by the multiple useless water dams spread around the country, the recent partial collapse in the housing towers (while under construction), the partial collapse in one of the traffic tunnels (a few years back while under construction), and the sloppiness, greed, and the shortcut-mentality expected from local contactors you cannot blame the people for being a little suspicious.

With all that said, one has to agree that there DOES exist a very high percentage of inhumane idiotic stupidity living among us. My friend Balfoot explains it this way: “I tried to maintain my faith in the general public intelligence, trying to convince myself that the idiots I come across in my daily life are the exception rather than the majority norm, UNTIL the Arabic news websites added sections for readers’ comments.” Add to this the level of ignorance exposed via personal spaces and forums (especially this particular space here) by the “educated” specimen of the society and we may notice a slight problem.

However I refuse to explain this problem based on sexual-frustration, since:1.Abu Shreek refuses to tackle any subjects that are deemed taboo or approach the redlines of issues that are considered national/moral security threats, since that may jeopardize his entrepreneurial career aspirations and subject him to criticism that he does not tolerate. 2. Abu Shreek is not interested in finding solutions for any problems, but rather concentrates his efforts on destructive criticism, trivialities and personal adventures. 3. An amount of stupidity at this level [اصيب عشرة مواطنين بعيارات نارية مساء امس الاول اثر مشاركتهم في حفل عرس في بلدة الروضة ـ لواء الشونة الجنوبية ، حالة اثنين منهم حرجة ،: 10 people were injured at a wedding party after someone lost control of an automatic weapon he was firing in celebration] would not be cured by 70 virgins, let alone a little self-relief.

If you’ve missed the last mailbag , email us at abushreek_jor@yahoo.com, with your name, email address and credit card number, and a copy will be delivered to your mailbox free of charge. (+$8.99 for shipping and handling. All major credit cards and Pen Pal are accepted).

Profile: The FaithMaster 2Kx

A computer program to comfort the human soul and save the world in the process.

As we approach the end of the first decade of the 21st century it is becoming more evident that the close connection between human beings and the concept of “religion” is not going away anytime soon. On the contrary, many of the conflicts we are witnessing in the world today can be explained based on a religious background.

Human beings are weak and vulnerable by nature, mainly because they have not managed to explain or find an effective way to deal with the “death” phenomenon. Add to this the amount of injustice, risks and fears surrounding the daily life, and it becomes inevitable for people to hang on to an invisible superpower that provides answers, promises and protection. [Take for example the student who spends tens of hours preparing for a test (say a Physics test). He will feel an obligation to follow up his studying with a prayer hoping that “Everything goes okay” (fear of the unexpected) and hoping “This one problem he did not study well would not be on the test” (Covering for his shortcomings and laziness). (Of course nine out of ten times this problem WILL be on the test (like say for example: Prove that in a perfectly elastic collision the coefficient of restitution is equal to one.), and he will end up with a 68/80 despite the prayers ! (Yes, I am still bitter about it)).
(Late Caution: You should have skipped the last paragraph. It barely offered anything substantial).

Now, since all the signs clearly indicate that we are quickly approaching the “*acropolis*” [See “the Anti-Christ Conquers the World from the Bermuda Triangle” and similar references], and aside from the subscription to a religious group or not, every self-respecting individual should be wondering: “Am I am being a “good” human being?” and “In the case that there does exist a life after death (hypothetical assumption or deep belief) that features a “punishment vs. reward” system (based on the behavior on earth), where do I currently stand ?”.
That is when technology comes to the rescue.

A simple computer program will be the personal gauge and indicator. A user-friendly, multiple-choice, pull-down-menu based software evaluates the daily deeds versus the sins and converts them into points. The cumulative point total gives a rough estimate on whether a particular individual will end up in eternal happiness or eternal misery, (generally known as Heaven or Hell), in accordance with the guidelines of the particular faith he/she has chosen to follow.

Here is a rough overview on how it works: After installing the program you select your base religion (Anything from unitary religions to the Invisible Pink Unicorn). All the ensuing menus and selections are adjusted for the initial selection, awarding and deducting points accordingly. The first couple of screens are “General” and “Belief”: Generals may contain selections like “gender” or even “skin color” (Unfortunately, some religions do pay attention to such details), while the “Belief” menu is a survey-style questionnaire that will test your commitment to the selected religion (Do you believe in God? His angels? His book? His prophets?...Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior? ….Do you believe in spirits reincarnation?...). These will generate “constant points” that does not change on daily basis unless there is a change in the profile (like say you go through a near-death experience and you feel that you should change your answer to the “Do you believe in fate?” question from “agree” to “strongly agree”).

Next, you move to the daily activities section. With the carefully-designed and accurately guided selections this process should not take more than ten minutes to reflect on the day and sum it up (which is well-worth the effort given the fact that this will unveil your final destination. Also keep in mind that there will be PDA compatible version where the selections can be uploaded from a mobile device back to the main program). The daily activities will include: “Worship practices” (Did you pray? On time?... Are you observing the Sabbath?... Did you run the three miles? (There must be a religion out there that considers jogging a form of worship!). “Food and beverages restrictions” are the cornerstone of any religion (Did you eat anything that has a soul? Did you eat meat? Was it pork? Was it Hallal/ Kosher? …Did you drink alcohol? Was it beer, wine, or liquor? Did you get drunk? Did you pray while drunk? Did you drink blood? Was it human blood? Literarily or figuratively? ).

The most complex menu is the one dealing with “Human interactions” and “Integrity”, since practically this is the targeted end result of any religion. Those are probably going to need extensive work by sociological and philosophical experts to compose. (Did you Cheat? Steal? Lie? Harm?...Did you kill anyone? Was it for fun or in the name of religion?...Did you engage in any sexual acts? Same sex? Premarital? Visual ? Oral? Anal?). There could be an added section for “Charity” (Did you give to charity? What percentage of your daily income? Did you brag about it?...) and another one for “Conversion” (Did you try to convert anyone today? How many? How many converted? How many punched you in the face?...)

A few things to keep in mind:

- Before accusations of blasphemy starts flying around, remember that all the standards (all the menu selections and the points added and deducted accordingly) are set by a distinguished assembly of clergymen for each respective religion. Each council will use the necessary and approved references (religious books, historical incidents, contacts with spirits,…) to assure that the program is effective and accurate. It would be unfair to raise the user expectations for eternal happiness, only to send him/her crashing with the biggest disappointment of his/her life/afterlife.

-Within those same lines, and for a close estimation that prevents huge disappointments, the user has to have a very high sense of self-monitoring and be honest with oneself. This is a personal record and if you choose to lie and convince yourself that you are an excellent human being with a guaranteed direct pass to heaven, you will be unpleasantly surprised at the moment of the truth. [On a side note, this daily self-evaluation process may help restrain people’s evil behavior. One may be willing to practice more self control once he realizes that at the end of the day he will have to document confessions of the variety: “Today I prayed profoundly but then I fondled a little kid”.

-The program will offer multiple plug-ins and add-ins (for those less popular religions and newly invented ones) along with automatic updates, just in case some religions’ guidelines change (like say Islam making it official that Jihad and head covers are no longer considered main requirements or Christianity announcing that divorce has become acceptable). There will be also a technical support hotline with two departments: A “universal” department that deals with computer-related issues (installation, bugs, connecting to a mobile device,…) and a specialized (per religion) department that helps with the selection process and which will be operated by a clergyman (or an Indian pretending to be one): [If you are Muslim press 3. If you are calling about a food-related issue press 4… “Mmm yeah, I ate some meat that was not Hallal but I was really in tough situation. What should I select?”… “I can help you with that sir. Go to the food menu. After you select meat, not pork, not Hallal, the link that reads “special cases” will be highlighted and active. If you hit the button you will see that option one is “Afraid to starve to death”, option two is “I did not know”, option three is “It was slaughtered by a Jew or a Christian”, option four is “Hallal meat was of a lesser quality and highly overpriced”. Good luck sir and remember that each option has a different point situation associated with it. Salam Alaykom”. click].

-Note to the followers of some religions who believe that they are guaranteed a free pass to heaven simply based on the religion they selected and who may think that they do not need such a program: it would be a good idea to get your copy of FM 2Kx just in case that some other religion turns out to be the real “true religion”, or some other people are the true “god chosen people”, since there are multiple groups sporting the same claim. If you manage to collect a good number of points they will definitely help you out in negotiating your case.

-The most important upside of this program is that it will put an end to people’s arguments about religion. The point system levels the playing field and normalizes “faith” and “goodness” to the point where people can quantitatively compare their devotion and well-doings whether they are members of the same religious group or not:
Say a devoted Buddhist runs into an atheist. The Buddhist tries to convince the atheist to worship a statue while the atheist is arguing the irrationality of religion altogether. The resolution: “How many points do you have?”… The atheist smiles triumphantly and calmly says: “ I have 5821 points to your 3212, and despite the fact that I am pretty sure that these points are not taking me anywhere, at least I can confidently tell you to take your statue, get off of me, and try to be a better person”.
Two Muslims after a Friday prayer in front of the Mosque… “How come I only see you here on Fridays?”… “I know I am missing out on a lot of points by not coming to the Mosque more often, and I know I also give up many points by cussing and for having a short fuse, but at least I am not engaging in fucked up shady business deals and ogling the hell out of every female’s ass in sight”. He violently pulls out a print out: “I dare you to show me how many points you have Mr. Mosque-guy, huh HUH?”. Then they start punching each other in the face.

Now, that we have found this very practical concept, and given the fact that clergymen and software developers are a dime a dozen, all we need is a smart investor who will realize the potential of a program that will become a necessity to every human being and that is bound to protect humanity from self-destruction and create a perfect world.

NBA: Foul Shots

A few observations from the All-Star weekend and some other negative remarks on league related issues with less than 30 games to play.

-For the past seven years I tuned in for the NBA all-star game hoping for a basketball game to break out. Instead, I end up sitting through a mixture of a bad Harlem Globetrotters impression and one of these street ball mix tapes (but without the actual skills). How hard is it for the supposedly best players in the world to put together 15-20 minutes of solid all-around performance, playing “real” basketball, instead of the bad circus act that got people dozing off by the second quarter? Well maybe David Stern is right when he keeps repeating “The all-star weekend is a celebration of the game”, if by a celebration he means a reflection of what the NBA has morphed into on: A nice “show” at times, and a “popular” product molded into a pseudo-basketball format.

-The tone of the game was set immediately after the tip-off. The first three possessions made it obvious that “Nope, there won’t be a basketball game this year, not when the game is in Vegas and the players (according to eye witnesses) are moving like they are either high, hung-over or both). Two minutes after LeBron James announced: “Buckle up and enjoy the ride” the players, the people watching at home, and even puff-daddy and Jay-Z on the sidelines were looking at each other like “is it over yet ? This is really boring”.

-Judging by recent games, even when the players are showing complete disinterest, there is always the potential that the last 5-7 minutes could bring some seriousness and excitement in case the game is still close. There would be a “crunch time” line-up, some attempts to play defense, some “pride” on the line ….Nope, not this year. The East trailed by twenty points early, and despite that, they kept on tossing alley-oops in the stands, taking quick impossible three-point shots, and miss exaggerated dunks. (How great was going to be if LeBron actually got hurt on that missed dunk?).

-Speaking of LeBron (prematurely-crowned) James, he is easily becoming an average star player in the mold of Vince Carter at best (when was the last time one heard “Vince Carter is taking over the game and carrying his team”). Here is what Bill Simmons wrote in his latest column , proving what we’ve noticed: “After talking to four different NBA connected people: LeBron isn't playing nearly as hard as he did last season; it looks like his only goal right now is to get his coach fired; he's regressing as a basketball player (especially his passing skills and his shot selection);…. he has an overrated sense of his own worth and his own impact in the sports world (as witnessed by the ESPN interview last week when he answered the "What are your goals?" question with two words: "Global icon")…”. Just listen to one of his post game interviews, especially one of those after he misses 15 free throws in a loss and you me get a feel of his current situation.

-You know it was a bad night when the highlight of the game is Shaq kissing T-Mac’s head after McGrady just stood there watching Shaq trying to dunk the ball for the third time after two uncontested misses. Speaking of the “Most overrated center in the history of the game”, he really looked embarrassing in the game. Now that he has lost his patented (butt push-off followed by the elbow to the chest dunk combo) and he lost the protection of the referees who (as usual) give preferential treatment to the league main attractions (recall that at that point Shaq was the only huge superstar in the league (maybe along with Allen Iverson)), it is got to a point where Mehmet Okur is more than enough to neutralize him. This year Shaq played in 13 games, and is averaging 13.5 points and 5.8 rebounds. I cannot say I enjoyed the Shaq era.

-The rookie-sophomore challenge game was equally pathetic but it was definitely more enjoyable. It was only two halves with no unnecessary stoppages (one TV timeout per half). The whole thing took less than an hour and half. The sophomores kept pushing the ball on every single possession with Chris Paul (who was fun to watch) and Deron Williams. The rookie class looked clueless and had no idea how to manage the embarrassment they were subjected to (maybe a little defense and “basketball” could have helped), so they continued to palm the ball around and miss alley-oops and. I enjoyed taking a look at David Lee, Monte Ellis, and even Paul Millsap (Utah rookie big man out of Louisiana Tech averaging 7 points and 5 boards with increasing playing time and getting more involved). I still cannot tell the difference between Brandon Roy and Randy Foye (Is Rudy Gay also the same guy?).

-The local daily newspaper Al-Ghad ran an impressive pre-All-Star set of articles with features on the history on the game and the participating players (Of course without mentioning the name of the writer or the source!). However they put a big emphasis on the All-Star MVP winner which is a very insignificant prize that usually goes to a player from the host city, or to a player whom the coach decided to play more than the other ones. Kobe Bryant winning this year award is supposed to be the official announcement that the image-rehabbing process he went through is successfully over. Within two years Bryant goes from an adulterer, anal-rapist, a whining malcontent who is impossible to coach (according to the book his coach wrote), a selfish ball-hog who does not respect his teammates and who has not won a playoffs serious since Shaq left, to become a team player who makes his teammates better and gets everyone involved, the best player in the league, regains a lot of his lost endorsements and wins the All-star MVP, and all that because he averages five less shots per game than last year, and his team has a .545 winning percentage. Good luck against the Suns or the Spurs in the playoffs.

-The Dunk contest has to be put to sleep. (A plea that has been floating around for the past 5 years, or since Vince Carter officially killed it for good). Until someone manages to do a 720 dunk (Yup, it could be done) or takes off from the three point line (The dynamics analysis of projectile motion may be able to examine its possibility) there is nothing new. Tyrus Thomas kept his promise and did “whatever”. Nate Robinson did not need to show up again (especially that Andre Iguodala and his behind the board dunk was more deserving to win it last year). Gerald Green impression of Dee Brown was nice but even his final dunk was nothing beyond the ordinary. (Greens best dunk remains this one). Now, big men does not usually do well in this contest, but if you manage to come up with an idea that gets an instant nickname, you deserve to at least make it to the next round and Dwight Howard’s “sticker dunk” was just that.

-Charles Barkley is one of my favorite basketball players ever. He proved that being undersized does not prevent a player from being a powerful inside presence. At 6-5 he played with power and determination and dominated the boards. Even now he is insightful and funny an NBA analyst and his race with referee Dick Bavetta was a highlight of the weekend. He made it clear that “he is not a role model”, but he still needs to quit with that bragging-about-gambling stuff. Yeah he can afford it and he is not killing himself despite losing about $50 million, but having such a problem is nothing to brag about. As a candid voice who is quick to give his two-cents on everything and who is aware of the black community poverty problems, losing millions on the blackjack table is nothing to be proud of. Also, since he is still closely involved with the NBA and its players, how can you convince the casual outsider that this guy is not gambling on basketball games and maybe manipulating their outcome (as farfetched as this possibility is)!

-And from the world of the obvious:

True contenders: Dallas (the best and most complete) team in the league, Phoenix (the most exciting team. Steve Nash health and their defense are concerns), San Antonio (Not the usual depth. Francisco Elson is their starting center. They still have Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili and a decent supporting cast) and Detroit (The only functional team in the East even though they have a similar record to the West’s fifth seed).

Long shots: Utah (Impressive year. Good point guard. Good big men. Not yet). Chicago (Not enough scorers (the leading scorer is Ben Gordon averaging barely 20 a night).A young group with no-playoffs experience. Should have traded for Pau Gasol even if they had to give up Luol Deng).

Playoffs bubble: A team that misses the NBA playoffs is a team with big problems. With less than two months to go the only teams that have less than 20 wins are Philadelphia, Boston, Milwaukee and Memphis. The eighth seed in the each conference has 25 wins. Even Atlanta and Seattle still has distant playoffs hopes. With Dwyane Wade missing extended time for a dislocated shoulder (maybe the whole year) the World Champs Miami Heat has a legitimate shot at missing the playoffs altogether.

Surprise team: In a desperate attempt to change the negativity attitude here let’s give the Toronto Raptors some credit. A 0.537 winning percentage in the East is not a sign that they will win a championship any time soon, but they are leading their division (again nothing to be over joyous about), they won a total of 27 games last year (they already have 29 wins), and they have a nice young group. Chris Bosh is a superstar. The number one draft pick Andrea Bargnani looks like a successful pick, and the addition of Juan Dixon for Fred Jones (the highlight deal of the trading deadline) gives them another outside shooter. Just keep in mind that someone named Anthony Parker (out of the league since 2000) is their starting shooting guard.

Most regressed player: Between being bothered by injuries, distracted by fame and losing interest, Andrei Kirilenko went from being the do it all player to a fill-in. Numbers wise he went from (15-8.0-4-3) to (9-5-3-2).

Underachieving team: the L.A. Clippers have the same group of players that made it to the playoffs last year. Watching their Tuesday game against the Suns they seemed disinterested and simply going through the motions.

Worst off-season signing: Minnesota signing Mike James for four years (25 million dollars) with a trade clause that raises his salary by 15% if traded, then looking to trade him before the first year of the deal is over! No wonder Kevin Garnett is crying during every other interview and is about to go postal on Kevin McHale.

Best player who is not a leader: Gilbert Arenas is scoring a ton of points (with very few assists (how is he a point guard!), calling himself nicknames, calling out teams and threatening to drop 50 points on them (then goes out and scores 9). Good player, but if your own coach is calling out your act (especially questioning your team’s strategy by focusing on defense, which your team does not know how to play anyway), and then your coach complains that without Antawn Jamison the team has no leadership, then you are simply the latest version of Stephon Marburay or Steve Francis.

Random Thought: The other day I found a Denver-San Antonio game in its third quarter. The network shows a display at the bottom of the screen that read: “Currently on the floor: Blake, Diawara, Kleiza, Smith, Evans”, and then I thought: “Yup, looks like a playoffs team to me”. But seriously, Steve Blake! Anthony Parker thinks the league is so diluted with players that do not belong.

Archive: Weekend

A translation of a random thought that was inspired by the style of a friend. The original was written in Arabic at a time before joy and happiness flooded the world.

He opened his eyes at seven, then again at eight. At ten o’clock he made the long-awaited decision to “wake up”, still disgusted. He went through the motions of the human morning routine, and finished a chapter from “The Death of the Peace Process” while brushing his teeth. “Failure is a choice and a process that requires continuous build up and persistence. It is not a matter of fate or genetics”. He collected some items that need to be washed: a pillow case, a green towel, a pair of sweatpants designated for sleeping, and a colorful collection of underpants and socks many of which featured strategically- placed holes that made them relatively serviceable.

The laundry room reeked of cheap beer. He mumbled a few words in the direction of the group of juveniles scattered around the counters sipping from 32Oz cans. “Damn! That early!”, he wondered before remembering the forced extension to his sleeping hours. “Maybe eleven o’clock on an off-day is not a bad idea to proceed with last night’s activities”.

He rushed towards the TV and the computer, simultaneously. Quick and successive sprays of bullet(in)s: Attack, siege, trial, the third day of a Golf open. A column, an analysis, an Op-Ed, a luxurious apartment for sale. Deployment, arrest, assassination, a basketball team wins. “Damn! All that shit happened, even on the off-day! Do I have to care about everything happening everywhere! What is the acceptable minimum? How many critical events would I miss if I abstained for a couple of days?!”.

He conducted a few insignificant phone calls and headed towards a pseudo-grocery store to fetch two bad-tasting, ridiculously-overpriced meals. It is almost noon and his face still features a manufactured look of disgust. “Damn! It seems like today is going to be exactly like yesterday”.

He received a call from one of the last remaining friends. “How about we go….”. He interrupted the caller confidently: “No thanks. I’ve already have some plans scheduled and some very important commitments for the day. Check back with me in the evening”.

He went back to the two machines.

Profile: The State

In a volatile area, trapped between the two occupation hammers and the regressive regime anvil, is it acceptable to ask: “if the life we are living is not the life we have asked for, then what the hell are we holding on to?”

According to the United Nations General Assembly the world currently features (192) sovereign states. Many of them do not possess any basic characteristics of a state beyond a colorful flag and a sleep-inducing national anthem. There has to be something done to end to this chaos and uncontrollable expansion: (it has officially got to a point where every five people who speak with a slightly different accent and share the same great grandfather want to extract 5 squared kilometers, crown a king, and exchange diplomatic relations). Not only partitions of current states should be banned, but also current so-called states should be reevaluated: A simple re-qualification process to separate true countries who contributes to humanity from farms that does not deserve such a designation.

Aside from the Marxist definition of the State, (The state being an instrument for the exploitation of the oppressed masses who will only be liberated through violent revolution and the destruction of the state power apparatus built by the ruling class. (say what!), but that’s a story for a different day), we are at a point where many of these “countries” have been “independent” for a while now (up to sixty years in some cases), and there should be very basic criteria installed which they have to meet to maintain such a status. Otherwise your state-recognition benefits are revoked, and whether you decide to merge, unite, integrate, join a federal or confederal union, get occupied, get under a mandate, get under a protection treaty, fold and go home, or practice your power trip on your own people without any international recognition (a different variation of your current status really) …it is all your choice until you get rehabilitated.

As usual this criteria is better left to a committee of experts at the highest international level, but a few guidelines can be expected: You may lose your state status: If your total area is less than 50% of that of the smallest American state. If your GDP is not at least 5 times that of the smallest American state. If you do not produce (manufacture) anything that benefits humanity besides pedestrian services (and oil). If you cannot provide a steady supply of water, wheat, and fuel to the population. If your judicial system treats crimes such as homicide, corruption and pedophilia lightly. If your definition of democracy is a ballot box (especially if it is intermittent). If the sole decision-making autocratic ruler has been in power for more than 30 years. If your definition of power transfer is heredity…[For more hints and suggestions the committee can just pick up a local daily newspaper. They are usually loaded with signs: “okay…here is another indication that they do not qualify”.]

Well, those who managed to read thus far may have guessed that Abu Shreek is subtly referring to his homeland. (In an attempt to cater to the below average readers, notice this serious attempt Abu Shreek is making to make his nonsense less ambiguous. As for the readers suffering from ADD and reading-disabilities, we offer our sincere apologie).

Honestly, scratch all the above. After all, size does not matter (some may disagree). GDP is overrated anyway (It is still relatively surprising that according to this 2005 list, Jordan trails economic superpowers like Kenya, Yemen and Trinidad and Tobago. Countries like Sri Lanka and Syria almost generate twice as much as we do in produced goods and services!). Bread is also overrated according to both Jesus Christ and Marie Antoinette. Water and oil can be “borrowed” from neighbors and enemies even if it involves contamination and humiliation. The political and judicial reforms are on the way (Just kidding). Even the national anthem tune can be easily replaced by a more energetic explosive version along the lines of “I have been working on the railroad all the long live day” (However, the lyrics have to stay)… There is one thing that matters: A country should be able to CATER to its people to the point that it will give them a sense of belonging and dedication that they would be willing to stand by it through the tough times. This sense of devotion and attachment does not come from the occasional gifts, giveaways or the precious royal visits, it comes from the feelings of dignity and security that would be impossible to find anywhere else away from home.

Let us put it in this simple way: Abu Shreek can confidently say that seven out of the top ten students from his high school and his college class are currently permanent residents of other countries. The other three are just like a very high percentage of the population (from all roots and origins) who are desperately seeking such a chance and “dreaming of the day when they leave forever”. They are willing to choose the retardation and arrogance of the gulf, the bigotry and the estrangement of the west, or a life anywhere from Kazakhstan to Alaska over living around their parents, around their childhood friends, and around the streets they roamed as kids!! At this point the statement (الانسان أغلى ما نملك:Human beings are our main resources) is so meaningless, it makes (نحو أردن أخضر عام 2000 :Towards a green Jordan in 2000) look realistic by comparison.

You want a state, start with a citizen. A citizen that can afford to live a basic life, without having to kiss ass, without being subjected to unending injustice, and without the fear of a short stupid idiot with a thick mustache in a trench coat, watching him through a newspaper (for security purposes) [One wonders if he looks at the computer screen through the same newspaper, simply out of habit]. A citizen living under the law “will go to war” with his county during hardship and tough times, because tough “periods” are much different than systematic enslavement. A country going through some “turbulent” circumstances have its appreciated/appreciating people rallying around it until they emerge out of it together. A (...-entity) in a continuous aimless downspin looks for a replacement population with a better purchasing power.

The Mailbag (VI)

A special past-due mailbag dedicated to sports, castration, and internal “ignorance” devices, at a below average articulation level.

First allow me to apologize to those in charge of the following projects: Jordanblogs.com , sawtona.com, dwwen.com and the late Jordanplanet.com (may it rest in peace), for any trouble they ran into, and for the material that obviously was “not fit to the atmosphere they aim to preserve and promote”. Seriously folks, you do not need to feel ashamed or feel any less than any free-will individual, Abu Shreek completely understands (I am sure Khader understands too), it is just not worth it.

Onto the mailbox, starting with the email of the week:
Sir, I was told about you, and how to get to read you. I was extremely keen to be with you. But when I did, I found myself so confused and lost in every word I read. Can you bless me with your real name and those of your father and mother and tribe, so I can find what Jordanian you are ?May God bless you. Best wishes and kindest regards
Dr. M. A. N., D,Phil. (Full address and Phone Number)

This is easily the e-mail of the year. This is exactly how its unedited version. (The name and the mailing address are the only things edited out).
Either way Sir, I am very glad that you were able to reach me (and be with me), and allow me to apologize for your inability to understand my confusing scribbles. I would like to assure you that it is not your fault that you find this ambiguous (after all you are a D-Phil holder), it is just the inherited nature of the irrelevant issues and the worthless approach of the author.

However Sir, Abu Shreek made a clear disclaimer that he is not responsible for providing takalogues and solution manuals (although they have a chance of being very popular, now that it is obvious that there are some uniformed “intellects” interested in trying to decipher the obvious). Also keep in mind that Abu Shreek target audience is strictly himself and he does not look to cater to the (…) public, even those who hold higher degrees.

On a final note, I really have no problem in providing you with my name and my father’s name (as for the mother name, you have to give me yours first; playground rules), but I am not convinced that it will really help you find “what Jordanian I am”. See, take you for example, even though you proudly provided your family name and all, I did not judge your loyalty to Jordan based on the military coup attempt that your relative lead, nor did I judge your morality based on the performance of your “tribe” member who pioneered homemade porno in Jordan! Thanks for your kind words and god bless.

Do people who comment anonymously also practice a form of self-censorship?
Jameed,
Random commentator.

I know this is a way past-due question on a situation that came up in the last mailbag, and I probably owe you an apology, too. The whole issue of cyber-anonymity is starting to get excessively annoying. Take for example our emailer of the week: he identifies himself by two redundant titles, a full name, a full address, and a phone number! Still, there is no way to tell whether this was sent by the “distinguished persona” himself, or some idiot using his name. Self-identification and self-censorship are personal choices and are natural characteristics of behind-the-screen (pc screen that is) human-interaction, At this point it is obvious there is no such thing as a completely hidden identity (High-tech monitoring will reach you even behind the sun. An investment well worth it), so users make the decision to behave accordingly.

However notice that the relative anonymity of a commentator does not affect the substance in the comment. The point is in the message aside from the messenger. Unless of course, you buy into the notion that ones mother’s birthplace, eyes colors, and Arabic language proficiency are eventually going to dictate his loyalty and patriotism to the homeland he belongs, then you should look elsewhere.

I think you owe Maria Sharapova an apology. In an older mailbag issue you described the phenomenon as being over hyped. Since then she claimed a second Grand Slam title (the US Open) and topp(l)ed the WTA rankings to number 1. If you are jealous of her success and beauty that’s understandable, but let’s not use excuses such as she is too beautiful to be this talented!
Romel Henin-Hardenne ,
Canada/ Kansas

It may look like I may be in an apologetic mood, but this is where the line is drawn. Let us just take a quick look at the overall tennis scene and notice how it is currently more depressing and more meaningless than heavy-weight boxing. Sharapova IS over-hyped, She is not Anna Kournikova-overrated, but she definitely fills in Tennis’ desperate need for a “face of the game” that could generate minor interest among casual fans, despite being an average player (or slightly above average). The fact that she won a couple of grand slams and is currently ahead of a few obscure players in the a random ranking system (a system that is almost as bad as the FIFA world ranking system) does not imply that she is the most dominant player, and the amount of exposure she gets is definitely disproportional to her tennis skills and accomplishments. Let us not confuse a pretty face who can be good at times with a superb athlete [Any time the number one player gets stomped 6-1/6-2 in a grand slam final to an unseeded player (almost unprecedented in women’s tennis) that means two things: 1. The seeding system is a joke. 2. The whole field of players plays at the same mediocre level without any real standouts.

Again, let’s remember that the heydays (80s and 90s) of Tennis are long gone. When I see the domination of Roger Federer (plowing through grand slams and winning the latest Australian open without conceding a single set!!) I cannot tell whether I should celebrate an athlete who is dominating his sport at a historic level or feel bad that this game has deteriorated that much (After all he was playing the final against Fernando Gonzalez!). On the bright side, when was the last time you saw Federer featured in a Canon commercial or appearing at a Hollywood premier?

Who do you like in the game on Sunday?
Every human being who does not live in cave and hence is excited about the Colts playing the Bears in SuperBowl XLI on Feb 4^th.

Not only this is the worst conversation starter ever, it is slightly offensive. The answer is: according to Vegas the Colts are favored to win by 7. It is not that the teams are playing a seven-game series where every individual match-up matters, and where coaching adjustments, depth and real skills advantages become factors. It is one game, where a turnover, a tweaked ankle, or a long kick return can change everything. Who knows who is going to be more successful running the ball and controlling the line of scrimmage? Who knows how either quarterback is going to play under game-pressure, and which teams pass rush will able to generate pocket pressure?

Anyway, SuperBowl day is not nearly as exciting as a regular mid-season Sunday. The circus surrounding the game is just ridiculous and the casual fan interest in the game cheapens its status from a clash of athleticism, talent and strategy to an entertainment fest with made-up storylines and endless hype. You know you do not need a two-week break before the Superbowl when you turn on ESPN news and see an interview alert: coming next Colts LB Rocky Boiman (1 start and 15 total tackles on the year). You turn on a morning radio show broadcasting from the location and you find the host going on a 15- minute rant how the toilet in his hotel room won’t flush after he took a big No.2.(money well spent 1310-The Ticket)! The game is going to be dissected to death everywhere (and here is the Dr. Z’s positional comparisons. Here are four things that are worth keeping an eye on :

-Chicago’s defensive ends: They have a 4-deep rotation. Tank Johnson and Isreal Idonije rotate with Alex Brown and Adewale Ogunleye to try to put pressure on Peyton Manning and will battle against an outstanding line anchored by tackles Tarik Glenn and Ryan Diem .Chicago’ secondary is average at best and if Manning has time, the Colts timing- based passing game will be successful. If the Bears decide to drop deep and give the underneath routes, Peyton Manning is very comfortable with going to his running backs and tight ends.

-Indianapolis blitizing Grossman from the middle: The Bears line is solid. Fred Miller and John Tait can neutralize undersized ends Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis. However the line and Rex Grossman has problems with inside stunts and blitzes that causes Grossman to panic and commit mistakes. Stopping the run is of course the Colts priority but they still want to stop Grossman from getting into a passing rhythm like the one he reached midway in the Saints game.

-Chicago’s Linebackers: With the loss of DT Tommie Harris the solid linebackers group has to work harder to stop the Colts impressive running game. They also has to pay attention in coverage to the tight ends unless Chicago tries to use their nickel back (Ricky Manning jr.), but that will mean solid Hunter Hillenmeyer may have to get off the field.

-Indianapolis secondary against the big play: The Bears thrive on the big passing plays down the field. Brian Berrian, AFL ex-player Rashied Davis and even Mark Bradely are deep threats that can scare the Colts undersized and average-speed secondary. Rex Grossman can through a nice deep ball when he is comfortable and Nick Harper, Jason David and Marlin Jackson have to pay attention especially when the blitz does not get to the quarterback on time.

Do not forget to sign the petition for a national holiday on SuperBowl Monday.

Men ? okay. More elaboration on the question. How can a woman understand a man? or a girl understand a guy? How can she tell if he feels anything for her or if he is just being nice? Is there a magical look? Is there anybody that can like someone from one time? What do men want? And I am speaking as in a real relationship?
Anonymous

Two Words: Big Boobs

If everything is fine and dandy and on its way to perfection and ever after prosperity, what is the reason for freaking out over constructive criticism and questioning. I mean if your roommate is complaining: “There seems like there is a rat in your closet”. “It feels like a rate and smells like a rat”. “what’s in your closet? is that a rat?”….would you kick your roommate out of the house or would you check the closet for your own sake and to prove to him that the closet is rat-free?
Abdullah Ibin Il Moqqaffa’
Min gabro (hanging from his testicles)

Once upon a starless midnight there was an owl who sat on the branch of an oak tree. Two ground moles tried to slip quietly by, unnoticed. "You!" said the owl. "Who?" they quavered, in fear and astonishment, for they could not believe it was possible for anyone to see them in that thick darkness. "You two!" said the owl. The moles hurried away and told the other creatures of the field and forest that the owl was the greatest and wisest of all animals because he could see in the dark and because he could answer any question. "I’ll see about that, "said a secretary bird, and he called on the owl one night when it was again very dark."How many claws am I holding up?" said the secretary bird. "Two," said the owl, and that was right."Can you give me another expression for ‘that is to say’ or ‘namely’?" asked the secretary bird. "To wit," said the owl. "Why does the lover call on his love?" "To woo," said the owl.

The secretary bird hastened back to the other creatures and reported that the owl indeed was the greatest and wisest animal in the world because he could see in the dark and because he could answer any question. "Can he see in the daytime, too?" asked a red fox? "Yes," answered a dormouse and a French poodle. "Can he see in the daytime, too?" All the other creatures laughed loudly at this silly question, and they set upon the red fox and his friends and drove them out of the region. They sent a messenger to the owl and asked him to be their leader.

When the owl appeared among the animals it was high noon and the sun was shining brightly. He walked very slowly, which gave him an appearance of great dignity, and he peered about him with large, staring eyes, which gave him an air of tremendous importance. "He’s God!" screamed a Plymouth rock hen. And the others took up the cry "He’s God!" So they followed him wherever he went and when he bumped into things they began to bump into things, too. Finally he came to a concrete highway and he started up the middle of it and all the other creatures followed him. Presently a hawk, who was acting as outrider, observed a truck coming toward them at fifty miles an hour, and he reported to the secretary bird and the secretary bird reported to the owl. "There’s danger ahead," said the secretary bird. "To wit?" said the owl. The secretary bird told him. "Aren’t you afraid?" he asked. "Who?" said the owl calmly, for he could not see the truck. "He’s God!" cried all the creatures again, and they were still crying "He’s God" when the truck hit them and ran them down. Some of the animals were merely injured, but most of them, including the owl, were killed.
Moral: (edited out).
From: James Thurber, Fables for Our Time and Famous Poems Illustrated (New York, 1940)
Coming Soon: “The insecure boyfriend syndrome”.

Enough with the negativity please. People like you who do nothing but complain, while pushing sticks in the progress wheel and belittling the accomplishments are the reason why we are slow in achieving the goals and enjoying the results. People like you are the ones who questions our status as a major power-player in the region, our serious quest for acquiring nuclear energy (for peaceful purposes of course) , and refuses but to ignore the booming economy.
Delusion-Ali ,
Listening to: Hashmi Hashmi (The version with “Abu” edited out)

A complete analysis of the Jordanian current insignificance on the regional stage may better be left off to experts. I mean, could it get any lower than some local officials expressing their displeasure with some of “our friends” in the mercenary Iraqi government announcing that “Amman is the economic capital of Iraq!”, or do we have to get down to discussing our status among the equally-pathetic Arab farms, where we still appear like an entity that struggles to provide the basic needs for its people, survives on charity, and a state that does not have a clear or firm standing on any issue whatsoever. (On the bright side we are being consistent in being inconsistent. I still cannot figure out if we were with Saddam (support during the war) or against him (the crime of hosting Hussein Kamel).

On the other hand, and in celebration of his majesty’s latest birthday, there was a “forum” in Maan, discussing the main “accomplishments” of the district in the past few years. The accomplishments in discussion are: The tenth governmental university (at a time when the long-established ones has slipped to the community college level), a hospital and a health center (with health insurance to the extremely-poor groups that covers more than 4500 residents), a potential Railroad, and an industrial zone (not too many details given here, since there was a point in time when industrial zones where being promised left and right). If I were the in charge “authority devices” I will issue warrants for the arrest of the organizers and participants of this event, and charge them with “tongue elongation against his majesty”.

Have you really completely given up on the NBA? Come on, it still features some of the best athletes in the world, and is still a superior version of basketball to that played anywhere else. I understand that you kind of replaced soccer with football, but don’t tell me that you’ve replaced the NBA with those steroid injecting, meth-popping baseball freaks?
One of the last 17 remaining NBA fans.

The one word answer to your question is: No. I am still an NBA fan despite all the maddening changes to the game that killed fundamental basketball. I am still willing to watch the games and put up with guards palming the ball, players who don’t care trotting on the field and cruising at 50%, and enjoy a buzzer-beater while reminiscing on the days when an NBA game was fun to watch from start to finish.
All what happened is I ran a little experiment: Given the fact that ones interests continue to evolve and since I am considering some new hobbies (like hiking through Europe for example (especially dinning at Paris)), I made a conscious effort to avoid watching a full game until Christmas day (known as the official start of the NBA season). I got my NBA fix through highlights, box scores, and occasional quarters here and there. By December, I realized that honestly I have not been missing out on much! And I extended the experiment until the week before the All-Star game (Feb 17^th).

There are many things I like about this year: (the Suns, the Jazz, the return of point guards who can pass, the gradual return of big men who plays with their back to the basket, the increased scoring, Dikembe Mutombo, rookie Andris Biedrins,…). And many other things I don’t like (The Celtics situation, the Atlantic division in the East being under 500, the all-star fan-voting, Atlanta-Charlotte-New Orleans franchises, Shaq, Gilbert Arenas starting to get really loud (although he had a great first half), the diluted rosters, Jason Kidd stuck with nets,… ).

Programming Notice: -The rest of the All-Star teams comes out tonight.

Do you think Globalization is adding limits and walls between nations and cultures or breaking them down?
Reckless

Ya Salamm! Are you being serious?! Whats next? A questions about the effect of the Chinese devaluing their currency on their chances of joining the world trade organization or the effect of global warming on the Somalia-Ethiopia conflict? How about the problems in the third-world countries surfacing as a result of bypassing the necessary industrialization stage and indulging in service-oriented investments instead!
Please keep in mind that Abu Shreek is very cautious about red lines that he cannot cross and always focuses on issues that he deems fit, suitable and completely insignificant.

Unfortunately, you are under a two-month (renewable) ban for violating the mailbag submissions guidelines, and for attempting to jeopardize our relationship with influential figures and states. This will naturally deny you the chance to win the valuable “e-mail of the week” prizes.
Everyone else, you are welcome to submit your questions at: abushreek_jor@yahoo.com

NFL: Season Recap ‘06

A “brief” look back at the teams, their MVPs and their season highlights.

At the end of another NFL season, this league proves again that it is definitely the most exciting and most entertaining of them all. In a year that featured relatively little drama in its last few weeks (There was a certain level of mediocrity and the playoffs picture was pretty much limited to a few teams with realistic hopes of a playoffs berth), the games remained must-see stuff. Of course, the playoffs games take the intensity and excitement to a whole different level. Just look at the Seattle-Dallas wild card game, the four-nail biters of the divisional round, the New England-Indianapolis instant classic. And that is not nearly enough to tell the story of the speed, the power, the individual match-ups and the storylines. (WOW! One would think that I am the official (and paid) representative of the game. Well! My point is this: If you are a sports fan and you are not following this league, you may be missing out). Now, before I get carried away into explaining how football is going to cure aids, end the occupation of Iraq, and convince internal intelligence departments in quasi-countries to stop spying on their own people, here is a team-by-team quick recap.

+Thanks for Nothing Teams:

Oakland
What a year! The Raiders and their offensive pride were a few points away from breaking the record for the all time record for the lowest points scored during the regular season. They get shut out multiple times. They practically does not have a SINGLE offensive piece to start with. A longtime fan says: maybe Justin Fargas (4^th year man out of USC!! could be a starter; that should say it all. And they just hired a 31-year old college assistant to be their coach after another 34-year old above-ranked assistant said no thanks! The good news is they have a good defense. Aside from the fact that they ranked high in defense (statistically) this year (which does not mean much. After all who wants to bust their butts to score a lot on this team when 7 points are more than enough to get the win). But they have playmakers on that side (Even Warren Sapp had a surprisingly solid season) . Kirk Morrison, Thomas Howard, All-Pro level corner Nnamdi Asomugha and the rest of the young secondary is a legit nucleus.

MVP: Art Shell. The level of comedy he provided with his constant poker face, taking notes, and finally the “rat in the house” rant has to be worth an award. [On a sepearat note is there s there a worse idea that screams to your fans: “right now as organization we have no idea what we are doing” than hiring a football coach and firing him after one year for one year!

Highlight: Taylor Brayton kneeing Jerramy Stevens in the groin on Monday Night. (Yes, their year was that bad).

Detroit
When is this team going to be reallocated to the CFL? They have averaged FOUR wins a year in the last six season (with the highest being 6). Based only on the high draft picks they have accumulated over that period they should a decent team. (Oh, they focused on wide receivers in the high rounds only to have a street free agent emerging as their best pass catcher in a decade!). Jon Kitna threw every pass for them this year. (I am not really sure that this has any significance, but after all this team has no significance altogether). There are not too many players to be excited about on this roster. Their best players from last year (James Hall and Shaun Rogers) shut it down early, and even players who came in as highly regarded in the years passed, got bit by the Lions bug and they are average at best. Rookie LB Ernie Sims was one of the few bright spots.

MVP: WR Mike Furrey finished with 98 catches and a 1000+ yards propelling his teams towards achieving 3 wins on the year.

Highlight: It could be the win against the Cowboys, since it is their first win on the road in like 15 years and since they dropped 40+ points on a defense that was supposed to be good. But this game cannot be the highlight when compared to Roy Williams’ quotes: “Man it is stupid how close we were to putting forty on the board” after his team scored seven points. And the other quote when he admitted that when he scores he is going to celebrate even if his team is losing because it is about him scoring his points. On the bright side, that guy is the only receiver left from the three number one draft picks.

Cleveland
I can proudly admit that I have not watched a minute of a Browns game this year outside of the highlights. Seriously who wants to see Derek Anderson handing off to Jerome Harrison (whoever they are). It can be easily said that the team has not improved at all under Romeo Crennel and they have not even assembled enough personnel to claim that they are on the right track. Rookie OLB Kamerion Wimbley had 11 sacks and got good reviews from scouts, as did SS Sean Jones who always appeared to be making plays on the highlight reels. Sergeant Kellen Winslow jr. finally went to war for a whole year and he put up some big and meaningless numbers.

MVP: None

Highlight: Losing to Baltimore on a last second 50+ yard field goal by Matt Stover in week 3!

Tampa Bay
Seriously how many absolutely terrible teams were there in the league this year?! Jon Gruden does not look like a genius anymore and it is surprise he is not even on the hot seat yet. He won the SuperBowl with Tony Dungy’s team, and since then his personnel decisions are terrible on both sides of the ball. Bruce Gardkowski, Tim Rattay and Chris Sims split time at QB throughout the year. The once proud defense is officially down to nothing. The offensive line that they wasted their top two draft picks on last year is as bad as ever, and even Cadillac Williams disappeared.

MVP: None

Highlight: A win on a last second field against the Eagles in week 7 when the Eagles were in the middle of a 3 game skid that cannot be more irrelevant.

Arizona
A new stadium, a new QB, a brand new head coach. Same ol’ Cardinals. This was the perfect year for a mediocre team to make a playoffs run (especially in the terrible NFC West), (So long for the Cardinals being this year and last year’s sleeper team)! Anyway, it went exactly as predicted: The Edgerrine James signing was terrible (he looks like a back who has a lot of miles on him) and the below-average line did not help either him or the QB. Whether it was Kurt Warner or Matt Leinart they did not have time to utilize the supposedly superior receiving corps. The good news is that contrary to the above teams, they have enough players to turn it around. They have a QB of the future, and they have many play makers on defense. Karlos Dansby and Darnell Dockett had another strong season and LB Gerald Hayes (93 tackles and 3 INTs) looks like an emerging solid starter.

MVP: None

Highlight: Not only it is the highlight of the Cardinal’s season, not only may it have caused Dennis Green his job, it is EASILY the highlight of the year: “The bears were who we thought they were”.

Washington
So it turned out that the hiring of Al Saunders and the expensive overrated free agents did not work? What a surprise! Of course it did not. This team lucked into the playoffs last year and all of a sudden Daniel Snyder starts believing that his twisted ways are working. Joe Gibbs and Saunders offensive philosophy collided as expected.. The new offensive toys Brandon Lloyd and Randel El did not have a real QB to play with and underperformed. Everybody hated the complex new system, even the linemen. The defense declined tremendously and the whole franchise is as usual highly dysfunctional. However, they found out that Jason Campbell is capable of being the QB of the future and they still have a decent core, but they do not have many draft picks to infuse new blood.

MVP: Ladell Betts proved that he can carry the load of a Gibbs running game l. After Clinton Portis inevitable multiple injuries the team acquired T.J. Duckett who totaled 38 attempts. After the team decided to go back to a more run-oriented offensive attack, Betts racked 1100+ yards of tough running.

Highlight: a crazy finish against their old rivals the Cowboys in week 9. Troy Vincent blocks the Cowboys time-expiring potential-game winning 19 yarder. A big return and a face-mask penalty extend the game for one more un-timed play and Nick Novak kicks a fifty-yard FG with no time left!

+Mediocre-ly bad teams:

Minnesota
After a typical optimistic start they realized that they should have installed some kind of a passing attack to be able to compete. The defense lived up to expectations and played very well, especially early in the year by stuffing the run with the big Williams tackles. LB E.J. Henderson also seems to have turned a corner and had career year. Brad Johnson was not able to play an efficient “bus driver” anymore and they had to resort to Tavaris Johnson. Chester Taylor was also a good addition and was a feared player early in the season. The bottom line is this team should have faired better and Brad Childress was easily the least successful new head coach even though he had the most pieces and talent to work with (expect for the QB, which may ba a good excuse to cut him some slack). The reports from the team’s locker room claims that players do not like the new coach laid back demeanor.

MVP: Could have gone to a defensive player but a lot of defenders played solid but not exceptional. Chester Taylor had 1200+ yards and 6 TDs, so he is the MVP on a six win team (whatever that is worth).

Highlight: They played a good game against the Bears in week 3 that showcased their defense and exposed the fact that Rex Grossman and his line were suspects against the blitz. But then they went away from bringing pressure and lost an important game to the division rivals on a long a bomb to Reshied Davis. They have a win against one playoffs team (Seattle, who was playing without Hasselback and Alexander) and two losses to A bad Packers team (The week16 snooze fest (7-9) was one of the worst games of the year).

Houston
After five years in the league, the Texans are literarily at square one. They have 21 free agents this off-season, they have questions at QB, RB, the offensive line, and many questions on defense despite having some good talent on that side of the ball. Maybe 6 wins is satisfying for a “rebuilding team” in its head coach’s first year, but the Texans are not going to be in a SuperBowl anytime soon. The “sure to stay” pieces are Andre Johnson who had the quietest 100+ catches season ever, Mario Williams (who was just decent) and DeMeco Ryans (a true candidate for rookie of the year and the league leader in tackles). CD Dunta Robinson had a below average year but he is also in the team’s future plans. Everyone else especially David Carr (who got briefly benched in mid-season for performance) is under Gary Kubiak’s evaluation right now.

MVP: DeMeco Ryans energized the unit that played much better this year, despite a few rookie tendencies that are bound to improve.

Highlight: The win against a disinterested Colts team in week 16 was the team’s first win against the division rivals in ten tries. The players celebrated it on the field, followed it up with a win against Cleveland and went into the offseason feeling good about themselves!

Miami
It could be a debatable issue whether this team has underachieved or if they were who we thought they were. It was obvious that they did not have enough playmakers on paper, but what a wasted great season by Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas (who are both getting up there in age). The Daunte Culpepper situation (injured and washed up) was what really hurt them the most and they had to play Joey Harrington and Cleo Lemon (who?!) at QB. Ronnie Brown was a no-factor and their most dangerous threat was WR/PR Wes Welker. Nick Saban screwing them over and bailing out on them was brutal, especially that they gave him full confidence and control to run a long-term operation. He leaves the team in a much worse condition than when he took it over, practically in disarray with very few young playmakers.

MVP: Jason Taylor, The leagues official defensive player of year.

Highlight: After losing 6 out of their first 7 games, they faced a heavily-favored undefeated Chicago team and they are completely written off, only to trounce the Bears at Soldier Field 31-13. This sprung their season and they put together a four game winning streak only to lose 4 of the last five!

Atlanta
The Michael Vick saga continues for another year. Can he do it? Is he a quarterback or a novelty act? He is the first QB to ever rush for a 1000 yard in a season, which is nice, but he remained his erratic and inconsistent QB. The 3-headed running game that worked early in the year quickly vanished, and Vick and his platoon of high-draftees (White, Jenkins , Lelie) showed some flashes (vs. Steelers and Cowboys) but remained below average (NO WR had more than 30 catches!! TE Alge Crumpler who as was average and dropped a few balls himself lead all receivers with 56). The addition of Johnny Abraham (18 tackles and 4 sacks, three of them in the opening game) effect on the defense met the expectations (did nothing to an ever-regressing defense). They had to resort to fat Grady Jackson (out of football during the 2005 season, and surprisingly did a decent job) to help stop the run, and the secondary of overrated D’Angelo Williams, number one draft pick Jimmy Williams and tiny Allen Rossum got constantly torched. Now this team have to restart with a new head coach (a college coach, from power house Louisville no less)!

MVP: This underachieving group did not have ay real standout players that could be considered the guy who carried a team. But RB Warrick Dunn remained his tough team-committed self (1140 on 286 carries) and LB Keith Brooking (137 tackles) started all 16 games in his 9^th year with the team.

Highlight: Michael Vick getting caught on camera lobbing the double bird to a heckling home fan after a fourth straight loss in week 12. That day against New Orleans, Vick went 9/24 for 84 yards, his receivers dropped five passes, he was sacked 3 times and hit 12 times.

San Francisco
A good job by first year head coach Mike Nolan. What a difference a running game can make to a team. This does not mean that this team was a playoffs contender by any chance. They were just a bad team that tried to keep it together and had a real shot at sneaking into the playoffs, if only they got one more win (against the equally bad Arizona or Green Bay) down the stretch, but that’s what bad team do. Nevertheless, they realized this year that Alex Smith could develop in a good QB (as crazy as this sounds he is still the right pick for the 3^rd pro-bowl spot). Vernon Davis missed a lot of time and only had 20 receptions but the potential is still there. The defensive unit does not get more obscure than it was last year, but they had played decent on effort alone. Manny Lawson looks like a good draft pick.

MVP: Frank Gore. 1695 rushing yards behind an average line in addition to 61 receptions and 485 receiving. On a more successful team he could be in the conversation for the MVP of the league.

Highlight: One can point out to the Denver OT thriller in the last week of the season that deprived the Broncos from a playoffs spot, but they also had too close wins against the division rivals Seattle (weeks 11 and 15), and that is the reason why the should have been in the playoffs instead of the Seahawks.

Buffalo
Maybe the least exciting and the most “eh, whatever” 7-win team. Maybe if they move to Toronto like Willis McGahee has suggested they will matter again. J.P. Losman improved to the point that he was able to hold his starting job for the whole year but he was not spectacular. Lee Evans had 1300 yards receiving and is one of the biggest deep threats in the game. The defense ranked 10^th in the league in scoring against, and that is not a surprise. Aaron Shcobel played as good as any end in the league and finished with 14 sacks, and the two rookie safeties Ko Simpson and Don Whitner saw a lot of playing time and they have good potential. They are relatively satisfied with their season and they should be able to improve a lot next year. Their biggest problem is they don’t look like they will be able to retain free-agent CB Nate Clements, and rookie Ashton Youboty did not play enough to prove he can replace him.

MVP: Lee Evans was their most productive player. Also they continue to have a productive special team unit (whatever that is worth on an inconsistent team).

Highlight: They played many close games throughout the year. They lost 5 games by 3 points or less. (Maybe one of them can be considered a highlight!). Their season is almost as dull as that of the Browns (despite the 3 wins difference).

+The 8-8 teams:

St. Louis
At a closer look it is obvious that there was a tremendous amount of below-average teams this season. Only ten teams in the league finished with a winning record and there was a looming threat that a below 0.500 team would make it to the playoffs for the first time ever. (On the bright side the owners voted against increasing the playoffs teams last year). The Rams were another one of these “blah” teams, that despite showing some flashes there was this inconstancy (a staple of all the 8-8 teams) that it made it obvious that they are not anywhere close to being legitimate playoffs teams. The Rams have some signs to be optimistic about. Stephen Jackson has emerged as a real star running back. Marc Bulger is still among the very few NFC quarterbacks who can be considered a big league dependable one. On the other hand their long-time star receivers are getting up there in age despite both of them having a 1000-yard seasons , and they still have voids everywhere especially on defense that lacks and real playmakers. Leonard (DUI-killer) Little had 13 sacks and MLB Will Witherspoon lead the team in tackles while playing out of position.

MVP: Stephen Jackson ran for 1500+ yards, in addition to 90 receptions and 16 total TDs. He has separated himself from other runners who where considered in his class on draft day (Kevin and Julius Jones) and is in the conversation of the most dangerous backs in the league.

Highlight: Opening the season with a 4-1 record by beating on four terrible teams (the one loss came against the 49ers no less) earned them some attention early, but they followed up with 5 straight losses (losing twice to Seattle) that exposed them as a flawed team with a first year head coach. They finished on a positive note by beating another three terrible teams, and considered their campaign a relative success.

Carolina
One of the biggest under-achieving and disappointing team that should have been much better in the weak NFC. A lot of their problems starts with Jake Delhomme who single-handedly cost them two (if not three) games throwing end-zone picks at the end of games. The QB problems may have started with the disappearance of the power running game that carried this team to the SuperBowl. Neither DeShaun Foster nor Rookie D’Angelo Williams was effective enough behind the injury-plagued line. The defense under achieved as well. Julius Peppers was considered an MVP candidate early in the year but after the 4-game late-season skid (weeks 12-15) it was obvious that although the roster looks loaded with talent at many positions, they had a miserable season.

MVP: Steve Smith proves again that he is the MVP of this team just by looking how much his absence affected them when he missed the first too games. It appeared that he was never completely healthy all year and he was shut out against Atlanta in week 16! This team did not have a player who rose to an MVP level.

Highlight: Beating Baltimore on the road in week 6 capped a 4-game winning streak, ended the Ravens 6-game streak, and showed what this team could/should have been capable of when Jake Delhomme plays well (career high 365 yards), Steve Smith gets going (189 yards) and the defense plays to its potential (allowed 80 rushing yards and knocked Steve McNair out of the game.

Green Bay
It is a miracle that this team finished with 8 wins. Early in the year it looked like they are contending for the title of the worst team in the league. Big credit goes to first year coach Mike McCarthy who had this group playing their last game with an outside shot at making in it to the playoffs. Supported by a modest running game (yeah Ahman (Batman) Green is still alive), throwing to rookies Greg Jennings and Ruvell Martin, and behind a line that featured three new middle starters (including two rookie guards) Brett Favre cut down on his interceptions and looks like he has a couple more years left in him. Even the terrible defense of last year was much improved. Rookie A.J. Hawk is a successful pick and DE Aaron Kampman played at an all-pro level. Even Charles Woodson (8 INTs) played much better this year, but him and Al Harris are getting older and slower, which makes the secondary and a big run plugger DT (the need of many teams this year) the priority needs in the off-season

MVP: Brett Favre finished with 18 TDs and 18 INTs and began his raid on Dan Marino’s records, and despite the picks he was a main part of their 8 wins. A more deserving MVP would be Kampman (15.5 sacks and 89 tackles) who lead a nameless line to respectability.

Pittsburgh
Who would have thought that they would miss Antwann Randle El that much? (One of the two non-returning players from the SuperBowl winning team. (Brett Keisel filled in nicely for the departed Kimo van Oelhoffen). They had to play without a legitimate second wide receiver (Cedric Wilson playing opposite of Hines Ward!) and they missed Randle El much more on kick returns where ineffective rookie Santonio Holmes kept muffing kick after kick. Ben Roethlisberger had a miserable year to the point that he had to publicly apologize to his teammates for how poorly he was playing. The defense also has regressed dramatically (maybe as a result of the many turnovers by the offense and the limited success of the running game (at least early in the year)), and the same group of players that punished people last year was average at best. The biggest challenge this team faces is how are they going to adapt to the third head coach in the franchise history? Mike Tomlin is a former defensive coordinator of the Vikings, he is 34, and he is another product of the Tampa2 family. Whether he will stick with stapled Steelers 3-4 front or install a new system with all of it is going to require of duties personnel changes. The team is keeping veteran defensive innovator Dick LeBeau at his position as defensive coordinator, so it should be interesting to see how it works out

MVP: Again, it is hard to find a distinguished player on an underachieving team Big Ben, Santonio Holmes and Joey Porter are all candidates for the anti-MVP award. The most deserving player is Willie Parker who finished the year with 1500 yards and 12 runs of 20+ yards (for example Edgerrin James has not had one all year and had 11 combined over the last three years).The more they fed Parker the ball, the more pressure they took of the struggling QB and the more this team appeared like its old self.

Highlight: Knocking division rivals Cincinnati out of the playoffs on the last game of the season, winning on the third play in overtime. Cincinnati was starting to act like they are a challenging Pittsburgh for the division supremacy and the Steelers reminded them that there is still a distance that separates SuperBowl winners from the Bungles.

Jacksonville
This team could have beaten any other team on a good day (Shut outs against the Jets and the Steelers and Beat downs against the Giants, Eagles and Colts). On the other hand they have two losses against Houston, one loss against Washington, Tennessee and Kansas City (in a game to decide who earns the last playoffs spot!). In the last game of the year someone named Quinn Gray played QB for them! They have a big question at the position regarding Byron Leftwich whom they believe has not improved much. This team has many bright sides to look forward to: A defense that finished second in yards and fourth in scoring against, despite missing a big playmaker (MLB Mike Petterson). They have a solid offensive line with good running backs. If they can only find a way to beat the Texans at least once!

MVP: Maurice-Jones Drew almost had a thousand yards on 166 carries (5.7 avg.). He added 46 catches and was very effective on kickoffs returns. With the problems they had at QB, Jones-Drew was practically their only big-play threat. CB Reshean Mathis also played on an all-pro level and anchored a no name secondary.

Highlight: A shutout win against the Champions Steelers while everyone was watching on MNF in week 2 was nice. The 44-17 thrashing of the Colts in week 14 raking 375 yards rushing made them look like a sure participants in the playoffs. Of course in a typical Jaguars fashion they dropped the final three games and did not make it.

Cincinnati
Can they really blame missing the playoffs of the kicking unit and Shayne Graham (The last minute botched snap (extra point) to tie the Denver game and the botched 30-yarder to win in regulation against Pittsburgh)? Maybe. But they can also blame the fact that forget that they are the Bengals, took things for granted and did not play as hard as they did during last season. Their season was a streaky up and down one, but they managed to put things together after a 4-4 record at midseason. Carson Palmer started getting more comfortable behind the line that was rattled by injuries. The defense toughened up, fueled by better play at linebacker and safety to stop the run. Then they dropped the last three games and missed the playoffs. This week’s 9^th Bengal arrest in as many months (rookie first rounder Jonathan Joseph, a member of the under achieving secondary) could be also an indication of the kind of operation Marvin Lewis is running. For a defensive minded coach Lewis has to get his defense to catch up to the offense who is still one of the better ones in the league. The losses of high draft picks David Pollack (retired after a neck injury) and Odell Thurman (cut after substance abuse problems) who showed potential when they played affected their ability to stop the run.

MVP: The fact that loud mouth Chad Johnson went to the pro bowl is a sign that the selection process is just a joke (stating an obvious indicated also by the fact that the same five offensive linemen continues to make it to the pro bowl year after year). Johnson was second on his team in receptions (to T.J. Houshmandzadeh). Second in yards per completion (to Chris Henry). Both teammates scored more touchdowns than him, he dropped many crucial easy catches, and he just won’t shut up (the hood ornament rant), and that’s their anti-MVP. Carson Palmer is the leader of the team and is easily one of the better QBs in a league that has very few good ones. After he was completely confident that his knee is fully recovered he played at last year’s level and racked 4000+ yards.

Highlight: Other than the arrests (always high comedy, especially the Chris Henry stuff), this beautifully satisfying hit Johnson took from Cleveland’s safety Brian Russell (after doing the chicken dance in the end zone earlier! real creative!), the four game winning streak (with wins over Baltimore and New Orleans) was the time when they played their best football.

Tennessee
The Titans finished the season winning six in a row before losing the finale to New England. Also three of their losses were by less than three points! But as Bill Parcells says: “put the anointing oil away”. This team is just not that good, and when next season starts expect to see the team that opened this year losing seven of its first nine games (wins against Washington and Houston in close games). Vince Young made some plays down the stretch, but he is definitely an undeserving rookie of the year, and he still needs to learn how to throw the football first to be taken seriously [Offensive rookie of the year is easily Chargers’ LT Marcus McNeil who started all 16 games and got a replacement invite to the Pro Bowl). Rookie WRs Greg Jennings (GB) and Marques Colston (NO) are also more worthy candidates)]. The Titans finished dead last in total defense and 31^st in points allowed. (What happened to last year’s surprise All-everything Kyle Vanden Bosch? He came down to earth and his sack numbers dropped to 6.5 sacks). They have managed to assemble some talented players after suffering from salary cap issues for the past few years. But they are still a team with many needs (Look at the wide receiver position: their leading receiver Drew Bennett had 47 catches and 700 yards).

MVP: RB Travis Henry is one of the most underappreciated players in the league. A tough runner with very good speed who had two 1300+ yards seasons in Buffalo before inexplicably being replaced by Willis McGahee! He finished with 1200 yards in 14 games. He is still in his sixth year so the Titans should be wise enough to ink him in as their starter for next year (The Chris Brown experiment has officially failed and LenDale White was definitely a reach second round pick for an overweight back).

Highlight: On week 12 they hosted the NY Giants. The Giants ended the first half winning 21-0 scoring three touchdowns on their first three possessions. At that point Tennessee’s possessions went Punt, Fumble, Punt, Fumble, Downs (from the Giants 2), and missed FG! The Giants were now looking forward towards their next week’s divisional decisive battle against the Cowboys. The Titans scored on their last three possessions of the game, and that’s where the six-game winning streak began.

NY Giants
You know it is a bad year when such a dysfunctional team makes it to the playoffs. The players do not like the coach, their star running back is retiring,and the young QB is regressing and tossing away game-ending picks of his back foot. They lost SEVEN of their last nine and still l managed to play in a playoffs game that they had absolutely no chance of winning. Their offense gets a slight excuse for losing LT Luke Petitgout; he was replaced by Bob Whitfield who was just atrocious (and stupid too, see head-butting penalties). They had to reshuffle the whole line later in the year by moving G David Diehl to the tackle spot. The defense who finished in the bottom third in the league was also affected by the extended absence of their star DEs, but the rebuilt secondary was very bad (worst 5 teams in passing defense).Free agent S Will Demps almost lost his job. CB Sam Madison led the miserable group in interceptions with TWO. The coach returns for another year, but Tiki Barber will not, and this team has holes to fill at RB, LB (always a Giants need), and a whole new secondary.

MVP: Tiki Barber had another great season, and the numbers does not even tell how important he is to his team. He practically does not have a back-up on this team (unless you consider 6-4 Brandon Jacobs anything more than a situational runner at best). 1600+ yards with a 5.1 average and 58 receptions. Long gone the days of him being known as a fumbler (4 fumbles and two lost in last two years combined), and if he really retires the Giants had a tough task in replacing him.

Highlight: The early five-game winning streak that practically propelled them to the playoffs. It provided them some national media attention but it was obvious it was not an indication that this team is a serious contender. Four of the 5 wins came against non playoffs teams (Houston, Tampa Bay, Washington and Atlanta). However the win against Dallas on the road gave them the upper hand in the NFC East until that Tennessee collapse.

+The winning record teams:

Denver
One decision killed their season: the QB change. Jake Plummer was struggling, fine. But so is 85% of the league’s QBs. This team was supposed to be built on defense (which played really well early), and a running game (Replacing runners has finally caught up with them: neither Tatum Bell nor Mike Bell was anything special). The Broncos faced a tough stretch that resulted in a 4-game losing streak. But it is never a good idea to go through a QB change at WEEK13 playing behind a rookie left tackle (Matt Lepsis went on IR by week 6). Of course Jay Cutler played like a rookie QB, and the season was lost way before that OT loss to the 49ers that officially eliminated them from the postseason. Despite the winning record the team has many holes: A pass rusher with more than 8.5 sacks (by rookie situational pass rusher Elvis Dumerville; Some depth at the linebacker position (they started the year playing great then wore down); A cornerback to replace Darrent Williams (shot dead) who was starting to emerge as a very good second corner, and a safety to replace aging John Lynch.

MVP: If the team ranks around middle of the pack in passing (and total defense) maybe a cornerback is not the most deserving player to win that team’s MVP, but lets just say that CB Champ Bailey was their most outstanding player. In one of the years that he actually lived up to his hype, Bailey earned All-pro honors and finished with 85 tackles (one of the better tackling CBs) and 10 picks.

Highlight: Early wins against New England and Baltimore during which they allowed a total of 10 points. After 7 weeks Denver’s defense has allowed 10 points or less in all of its six games, but it eventually wore down for lack of depth.

Seattle
This team deserves a lot of credit for the respectable playoffs run they had. No team in the league was hit with more injuries than this group: Name the position they had an injury. In the regular season they were not very impressive. They lost twice to the 49ers (need to say more?), but they were in charge of the weak division by beating the Rams twice and winning just enough. QB Matt Hasselbeck did not play very well even before he got hurt, and his interceptions were way up. Shaun Alexander was hit with the all-out Madden curse. Seneca Wallace and Maurice Morris deserve some credit for taking care of their back-up duties. The loss of DT Marcus Tubbs hurt their run defense but they still managed to finish in the middle of the pack against the run. Once they got into the playoffs they traded punches with the Cowboys and got the win, and played a very hard and competitive game against the Bears which they lost on a last second field goal. All that with their receivers injured (remember early in the year they wanted to use a 4-WR set), and with last minute “walk-ons” playing in a secondary that was missing 4 starters .

MVP:LB Julian Peterson showed flashes of his pre-injury 49ers days leading the team in sacks and flying around sideline to sideline. MLB Lofa Tatupu was also solid, recorded 122 tackles and made big plays during the playoffs win against Dallas.

Highlight: It is true that if Tony Romo does not botch that hold they may lose the wild card game, but there was more than a minute left on the clock anyway, and Dallas’s defense has been suspect to give up the big play all year. Anyway, they toughened up, overcame their injuries, made enough plays (the Terry Glenn fumble (rookie CB Kelly Jennings on the hit) that lead to a safety and a TD on the ensuing drive), and pulled of a playoffs win. Seattle managed to break the recent trend of SuperBowl losers not returning to the playoffs the year after.

Dallas
What a roller coaster ride this team was. The most disappointing thing about it is that the team’s supposed strength and source of pride was the one that fizzled down the stretch. The defense that was built over the last 5 years, draft pick after draft pick, to be the main ingredient in the Bill Parcells recipe was giving up big play after big play when it mattered the most. The offensive line held together, they had a very effective one-two punch at RB, even all the Terrell Owens distractions did not hold them back, but a botched hold and an overrated defense did them. And now they do not have a coach! Bill Parcells definitely leaves them looking better after 4 years, despite the 34-32 record and no playoffs wins. His drafts were not very successful (especially past the first round), but they were not Jerry Jones bad. He lucked into finding them the QB of the future (or at least a guy with potential), and what awaits this team depends on Jerry Jones choice for the new coach. The worst part about this whole fiasco is why couldn’t they have kept Sean Payton for one more year and promise him the gig, other than looking for college coaches, Norv Turner and other rejects. The whole season was so inconsistent, even the individual performances dramatically fluctuated. One week Terrance Newman is playing at all pro level, the next he is getting burned on every play. There were many overrated players on that roster from T. Drop, to Bradie James to Roy Williams .The QB switch from Drew Bledsoe to Tony Romo revived the team and sparked a big four-game winning streak, only to lose 4 of their last five, lose the division and fail to get the first Cowboys playoffs win in 10 years.

MVP: What a roller coaster ride the one Tony Romo had. He is the second coming of Jesus, only to come down crashing to earth. He should have taken some heat for his poor QB play in that Seattle game and not for the unfortunate events at the end (and always remember if kickers were football players and Martin Gramatica just brushed Jonathan Babineaux a little harder, Romo made a heads up play and ran with the ball). But a fumbled hold or not, he was the catalyst that fired up this team and made their season worthy of following. [On the other hand for the many anti-MVP candidates T.O. (who led the league in drops) and Roy Williams (whose pass coverage is described by scouts as quote “a joke”) are the leaders in the clubhouse.]

Highlight: The Colts came to Texas stadium undefeated and looking for their 11^th straight win. The Cowboys are in their fourth game of the Romo era and they are as confident about their team as ever. The Cowboys ends up with a 21-14 win described by Jerry Jones as the biggest franchise win since the SuperBowl years. It may have been a sign that the 5-11 years are officially over and the Cowboys matter again.

Kansas City
Just when you thought that the AFC playoffs race is close, competitive and features better teams, a team like the Chiefs sneaks into the playoffs, just because everyone else practically refused the invitation (Denver, Cincinnati, Jacksonville all lost in week 17, and Tennessee did not really have a chance: their out of body experience was way overdue). A team that has a QB controversy featuring a concussed and worn-out Trent Green against Damon Huard should not be in the playoffs and you can tell Herman Edwards knew it by the way he played the Colts. But they deserve credit for riding Larry Johnson and the much improved defense (from the bottom of the league to the middle of the pack) to nine wins, some of them worth acknowledging (San Diego, Denver, Jacksonville). As expected though they have problems at both Offensive tackle positions, they have NO wide receivers to speak of, and they are still in need of a big defensive tackle (recurring need). Their brighter spots include a stud running back (who should break down soon if he gets another 400+ carries season) and the DEs tandem of Jarred Allen and Tamba Hali can rush the passer.

MVP: Larry Johnson is very deserving for MVP of the league. He breaks the record for number of carries in a 16 game season (416), for 1789 yards and adds 41 one receptions. That is 29 touches a game!! This team had no passing game to speak of. (They had Damon Huard playing QB for a stretch and Johnson was carrying them to wins), problems at the OT, and he still racked such numbers.

Highlight: The playoffs game could be the highlight of their year, if they bothered to show up. They set a record for offensive futility (128 total yards, 7 first downs, no first downs in the first half). But, when the Colts were determined to stop the run like they did, who is going to get you the first downs: Eddie Kennison, Samie Parker or Dante Hall (whose 15 minutes were over two years ago). Even Tony Gonzalez (who had an average year in his standards, despite being chosen an All-Pro) dropped a few passes. [(In general it was an average year for most tight ends, since obviously teams caught up to their recently increasing roles)]

New York Jets
An impressive season that definitely exceeded the expectations. Eric Mangini was a candidate for coach of the year for the excellent job he did with a team in a rebuilding phase. Chad Pennington recovery from the shoulder problems propelled this team to win their “winnable” games. Pennington was not flashy and he struggled to deliver the ball downfield as usual, but he was aided by one of the better wide out tandems of the year, in Laveranues Coles and Jerricho Cotchery. The high draft picks at the line at LT and Center were both excellent and gives big hope for many solid years, but the lack of anything close to a consistent running game meant that this team cannot be taken seriously and it was very obvious that they had no chance in winning a playoffs game at Foxboro, despite the earlier win against New England in the regular season. The defense had a lost identity between the 3-4 and the 4-3 and that resulted in a below average year from Jonathan Vilma. Second year FS Kerry Rhodes earned national attention for his consistent excellent play, but the cornerback spots needs some more depth and playmakers for this defense to improve.

MVP: This team played hard and together. Cotchery made many big plays and Rhodes numbers (98 tackles, 6 sacks and five INTs) also make him a standout choice. Since he won’t win the coach of the year award, Eric Mangini can be at least nominated as the MVP of his own team.

Highlight: The win against the division rivals Patriots on the road, fueled by animosity stories between Bill Belichick and his disciple, was definitely the highlight of their year. This win against New England was their ONLY win against a team with a winning record from either conference! But when you face teams like Miami, Minnesota and Oakland to close out the year, you take care of business and ride the three-game winning streak into a playoffs berth and an optimistic next year

New Orleans
The Cinderella story came to an undeserving end by getting blown-out by the SuperBowl bound Bears. The Saints played an anxious and fumble-filled NFC-Championship game, highlighted by an unsuccessful game plan and pass-heavy play-calling, without much help from the officiating (actually some really bad calls that went against them like KR Michael Lewis fumble).Still, this was a marvelous accomplishment for a team that won 3-games last year, was threatening to be moved to another city and had a first year head coach who practically started the roster from scratch. Coach of the year Sean Payton did a great job assembling this team, building a strong O-line (aka the OJ: All five members have a name starting with a J) that played very well until they were dominated by the Bears rotation of defensive linemen. Drew Breese is very deserving of the MVP honors. Just think of this same exact team with Aaron Brooks “running” it. Payton showed his creativity in the way he used RBs Deuce McAllister and Reggie Bush. Rookie Marques Colston was their go to receiver (a standout in a really bad wide receiver class, despite the bad game he had against the Bears) in a year where Joe Horn was oft-injured and Devery Henderson was inconsistent as usual (Hendeson was the 50th overall pick while Colston was the 252^nd player selected in their respective drafts). On defense they were solid on the front seven (featuring three last minute acquisition linebacker who all happen to be white (not that there is anything wrong with that, but they still need more depth at the position)), but they struggled in the slow secondary especially CB Fred Thomas who was picked on by the teams and the media.

MVP: Drew Breese did not have his best game against the Bears (he took some crucial sacks ( especially on the opening drive to get out of field goal range) and the intentional grounding call was also big). But this team won’t be there without him in the first place. DE Will smith was all over the field and earned some national attention, but he won’t challenge the league’s true MVP as the most important player on this team.

Highlight: The Saints whole season is one big highlight. From the Monday night game home opener and the atmosphere that surrounded it (and they surprisingly beat the Falcons too), to the beat down they laid on Dallas embarrassing the Cowboys at Texas Stadium, in front of a national TV audience, making it very clear that they are true contenders. They used a dominant ground game (36 attempts) to make it to the first Championship game in the history of the franchise, and completely abandoned it against the Bears when it was still a close game, and when their pass-protection was struggling.

Philadelphia
The Eagles has been one of the better run franchises in the league for the past 6 years. After losing their star QB and 4 of 5 games in midseason (Weeks 6-12), they bounced back with a 5-game winning streak (six if you include the playoffs win against the Giants). Behind a solid OL that stayed intact for 16 games (before struggling against the Saints and before an injury to gigantic Shawn Andrews practically cost them the game (a false start penalty on back up G Scott Young to negate the 4-10 completion), Jeff Garcia found himself in the perfect system for his skills and went on a long streak without throwing a pick (He finished with 10TDs and 2 INTs in 8 games), and no wonder mistake-prone Donovan McNabb is worried about his job. Despite losing Jevon Kearse the front four continued to feature a solid rotation (they are two-deep at each of the four spots) highlighted by excellent play from Trent Cole and Darwin Walker. The secondary was bothered by poor play of former pro-Bowler Michael Lewis and lost his starting job to Sean Considine. The absence of CB Lito Sheppard (elbow) from the Saints game was really crucial given that he was playing at an all-pro level, and that DB is not an area where the Eagles are very deep. Big credit to any Reid for the excellent job (Despite the questionable decision to punt on 4-15 to end the Saints game and their season), and credit excellent drafting that finds solid players everywhere(ex: LB Omar Gaithers: 5^th round who replaced starter Matt McCoy. But it is obvious they still need more depth and quality at that particular position).

MVP: Brian Westbrook is a legitimate contender for the leagues MVP, and he is an underrated player that deserves more attention. In the year when the Eagles made it to the SB, Westbrook was the one who carried them and he remains the main weapon of this offense. Westbrook finished with 1200 yards in rushing, 700 more in receiving on 77 catches, and 17 plays of 20+ yards.

Highlight: Their two wins against division rivals Dallas were a big part in winning the division. The week 5 “T.O. returns to Philly” game was a vindication for Donovan McNabb; Hank Baskett (!) had a 117 yards while T.O. finished with 3 catches and 45 yards (Drew Bledsoe had 3 picks and 3 fumbles). When the teams met in Dallas by week 16, the teams were on different sides of the cycle: The Eagles hit their lowest point and were on the way up, while the Cowboys has peaked early and on the way down. In a game where the division title was on the line, the Eagles dominated the game exposing the regressing defense and holding the Cowboys to their lowest scoring game all year allowing only 7 points.

New England
It looks like their “different” personnel approach has finally caught up with them this year. They sure could have used Deion Branch to catch those two TDs Reche Caldwell dropped against the Colts or could have used Willie McGinest to get to Peyton Manning! Forget about McGinest, this team had always depended on linebackers and after retirements, free agency and Teddy Bruschi’s stroke, they were left with only a couple of dependable players in Mike Vrabel and Rosevelt Colvin (compared to a rotation of six solid LBs during their SuperBowls stretch). Couldn’t a team with a 20-million dollar over the salary cap find a free-agent or trade for a linebacker, other than bringing back retired Junior Seau who was destined to break down eventually and other than depending on Tully Banta Cain (a career special teamer) and Eric Alexander (a practice squad undrafted free agent who had 12 tackles on the year and 10 against the Colts) to stop the Colts offense. The Patriots always played with deficiencies, but after the injury to Rodney Harrison their defense had many areas of weaknesses. Still, coming a FG short from the 4^th SuperBowl appearance in 6 years is remarkable. They opened the year by beating all three teams in their division within the first 5 weeks. They finished with winning 6 of their last seven games (and 8 of their last 10 including the Playoffs). They still have Tom Brady (who did not have the best post season this year but he still managed to deal with throwing the ball to Reche Caldwell and Jabar Gaffney. (David Patten, David Givens and Deion Branch may not be super stars but Brady knew how to work with them). They featured a nice two-headed running game early in the year but it faded down the stretch, but at least they know they have Corey Dillon’s (done) replacement in Laurence Maroney. A solid year, but they cannot keep playing street free agents and 10+ year veterans in the secondary (Seriously Ray Mickens !!) and expecting to win championships, and they batter not spend their first six draft picks on offensive players like they did last year.

MVP: CB Asante Sameul was the best cornerback in the league this year. The 4^th year man who had 10 INTs during the regular season was tested early against the Colts: 3 passes thrown to his man Marvin Harrison. The result: two passes deflected and an interception returned for a TD. With the miserable situation of the secondary (with the exception of Ellis Hobbs who was decent), it was important to have someone who can at least deal with one half of the field. Tom Brady is naturally a deserving candidate, despite the average year in Brady standards.

Highlight: The AFC championship against the Colts is being referred to as one of the best ever. It was very exciting and both teams traded shots, although it looked like both defenses were not able to stop anyone at times. The Patriots may have been also hurt by a couple of bad calls on a pass-interference and roughing the passer on the final Colts drive.

Baltimore
A franchise record of 13 wins, yet the same old story: The Ravens play shutdown defense and their offense would dompletely disappear when they have to score. For a preview of their playoffs elimination game, check out the week 13 game against Cincinnati. The Ravens defense held the Bengals offense (which was on a recovery swing (scoring 41 (against SD),31,30) in their previous three games) to 13 points with the only TD coming on a flea-flicker play. The Raven offense did not cross midfield before the fourth quarter and scored a garbage time TD (13-7). If you hold the Colts offense to 15 points on 5 FGs, you should at least have a chance to win the game. The casual fan would not even believe that Brian Billick area of specialty is offense (he was the offensive coordinator for the 1998 Vikings team that set an NFL record for points scored in a single season). One could claim that the whole defensive unit played like stars: veterans like Kelly Gregg, rookies like 5^th round safety Dawan Landry, and upcoming stars like LB Bart Scott. (With the exception of the CB spot where Samari Rolle was often picked on). But of course it was obvious that firing Jim Fassel did not help an offense with no identity. Jamal Lewis is practically done, and even if you want to keep him for the tough running between the tackles, there has to be a complimentary change-of-pace back who can catch the ball in the form of the departed Chester Taylor. The team has a QB controversy (again). Steve McNair made some plays during the regular season (especially some deep throws to rookie WR Demetrius Williams), but the playoffs game showed that he is way past the MVP level of 2003. They have the option of taking another shot with Kyle Boller or trying for an 8^th different starter in the last 6 years.

MVP: The defensive unit that finished first in the league in yards and scoring allowed. Adalius Thomas played all over the field. ILB Bart Scott had led the team in tackles with 103 tackles, 9.5 sacks, 2 INT and was excellent in pass coverage.

Highlight: They have some remarkable wins: A win against SD in week4. Two big wins against the SuperBowl Champions and division rivals twice: Shutting them out Week 12 (27-0) while sacking the Steelers QB 9 times and allowing 37 total yards in the first half, and followed up with 31-7 beat down that officially eliminated them from the playoffs in their second meeting. The Colts loss is something that will haunt him all year especially that Steve McNair early interception inside of the Colts 4 line killed the only real scoring chance they had all game.

San Diego
The Chargers looked like the most complete team during the regular season, and they were a favorite pick in the strong AFC to go all the way, until they decided to start playing “stupid football”. Penalties, dropped passes, weird play-calling, head butting, and everything else you would expect from a young team that is not used to the big stage. But the team is young and loaded with talent and they should revisit this stage again. The first good news they got was that Philip Rivers can play QB at this level, a scare that was a result of the leagues unfair pay compensation (You have to let the proven veteran free agent go because you have already committed the money to a rookie prospect who has not played a down yet). LaDainian Tomlinson broke the single season rushing TDs record scoring 28, and he remains one of the most feared backs in the league, but he was not the leagues MVP. Tomlinson carried the ball almost SIXTY less times than Larry Johnson (if you add up all touches Tomlinson had about 45 less touches which is still about two games worth of average load). Michael Turner shared some carries with Tomlinson at some point in the year, and it won’t be an exaggeration to say that Turner could have effectively replaced him on this team (compared to Drew Breese who would have been replaced with Jamie Martin if he got hurt for example). Their defense was exceptional again this year featuring a good rotation of players at the ends and linebackers, even after losing Steve Foley (shot by police) and Ben Leber (Vikings). Even their secondary was much improved by the addition of safety Marlon McCree who had a good impact (despite the fumble against the Patriots). Their biggest area of need is at wide receiver that eventually hurt in their game against the Patriots when Eric Parker and Vincent Jackson dropped crucial passes. They did not have a 100 yards receiver and their leader in receptions and yards was All-Pro Antonio Gates.

MVP: While steroid-suspended loud mouth Shawn Merriman was doing his dances and registering 17 sacks that made him a public candidate for defensive player of the year, there were players around him making all the plays. Jamaal Williams plugging up the middle and Shaun Philips on the other side with 11.5 sacks of his own. However the MVP of this team is the most underrated player in the league Donnie Edwards. Edwards had 141 tackles. That’s almost 2.5 times more than Merriman total tackles. Over the last 4 years Edwards recorded (141, 152, 150, 161) [finishing within the top 5 in tackles every year. Only Zach Thomas shares this with him)], Edwards missed two games over his 11-year career (8 straight years of playing in all sixteen games). All that while playing at ILB at 227lbs and while San Diego has tried to get rid him of him for the past three years!

Highlight: All the stories leading to the Patriots game was talking about Martyball and the coach’s conservative ways. Early in the year, in a 16-13 loss to Baltimore Marty Schottenheimer did not know what he has in his young QB, so he played conservative and they lost a close one. In the playoffs, Marty goes anti-Martyball (not running the ball enough, going for it on 4^th-10 from inside his half of the field, going without a headset). The ironic part is some analysts thought that: “This is the kind of a game in which the conservative approach could have won for the Chargers). Either way, the chargers lost three games all year and all three games were lost by three points. If Marlon McCree goes down to the turf after that pick, they could have played the Colts.

SuperBowl XLI : Chicago Bears vs. Indianapolis Colts.
FEB 4^th, 2007
Teams Analysis (Coming Soon).

Review: Clowning the Union

When the self-appointed leader of the free world puts on a 49-minute act for the entertainment of the masses: lies, terrorists, 62-applause breaks and high comedy. A play by play recount.

When his majesty George W. Bush took this same podium a year ago he was enjoying an 80+% approval rating. A year later and his stocks dropped faster than those of his Enron friends, hovering around 30% of the Americans support. On the bright side, he does not read the papers anyway.

-In the typical superficial American fashion President Bush opens by making it sound like it is a big deal that the speaker of the house is a female, neglecting the fact that this is not the sixties anymore where it it necessary to do back flips because women are allowed to vote, and neglecting the fact the countries like Germany, the United Kingdom, India and even African countries have had women as leading their nations. The whole thing is barely worth acknowledging really

-Just wondering if there is anyone in the world who can put on a better poker face than that of Dick Chaney! The rumor of the transplanted monkey heart could be true after all.

+A quick salute to the troops, and let’s get a few things out of the way:
Economy:
-Jobs growth for 40+ straight weeks.
-Balancing the budget without raising taxes (two big standing ovations).
-There is something called “earmarks” that is being passed during the after hours when no one is watching (not even C-Span (his joke not mine)).
-Entitlements: Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security are all going to be gravy.

Education:
-No child left behind improved reading and math for kids especially minorities. (First shot of Laura Bush in a fire-red dress. Obviously Mrs. Bush is a big fan of education).

Healthcare:
-American people have the right to afford going to the doctor. This should be done through private insurers. Tax deductions, federal funds for states which insure their residents, health saving accounts, and protecting doctors against lawsuits are the steps necessary to do that.

Immigration:
-Secure the borders and improve patrolling infrastructure. Establish visiting worker programs so that the “patrols can focus on catching drug smugglers, criminals and terrorists.” (Ladies and gentlemen, our first terrorist appearance. I wonder what took him too long to bring it up. A shot of a clean-shaven Michael Chertoff. (I guess Got to keep them terrorists confused with multiple looks)). “We have to maintain the melting pot identity” accompanied by a shot of Senator Barack Obama (which is a little unnecessary if you ask me)..

Energy:
-We cannot remain dependent on foreign oil that subjects us to dealing with hostile regimes and terrorists (2). Technology: wind nuclear, clean coal, ethanol, wood dust, and cow feces is the way to go (ok, I made the last one up). A plan to reduce gas consumption by 20% over 10 years will reduce the Middle East oil imports by 3/4ths (Chaney joins the standing ovation clapping with a straight face!!).

Justice System:
-Federal courts need more federal judges who should be appointed by the president and the congress (whatever. (Republicans only ovation)).

+Enough warming up the crowd let’s get down to business:
-“Dear America we are at war. We are all going to die. They are after us. They want to kill us all. And we have to kick their asses”. (well, that was not a quote but rather a summary of quotes).

-“It has been five years since we woke up to the scenes of what the terrorists (3) can cause. That horror is just a glimpse of what the terrorists (4) plan unless we stop them).

-“The terrorists (5) life has never been the same since 9/11. (If you ask me, I would say it is much better: they are closer to a more active region (instead of being isolated in central Asia), they have easier access to resources and recruits, they captured the minds of young Arabs and Muslims by using the exact same language Bush uses).

-“Our success is measured by things that did not happen” (Ha? This sentence just sounds wrong).

-“Here is what we know:”
*“We stopped an AlQaeda plot to fly a hijacked plane into the highest building on the west coast”

*“We broke out a southeast Asian terrorist (6) cell (!) grooming operatives for attacks inside the united states”

*“We uncovered an AlQaeda cell developing Anthrax to be used in attack against America”.

*“Last August (finally some dates!) British authorities uncovered a plot to blow up passengers planes bound for America over the Atlantic”

*“Jordanian authorities stopped a cell of two people planning chemical attacks that was supposed to kill 80,000 people, using paint thinner and cooking oil” (Well this one was too over the top even for a liar like George Bush).

-“We owe that to our public servants” (Huge long ovation. (reads: We have to show our voters that we love the troops even though we just listened to a big load of crap).

-Summary of the next 8 minutes: terrorist (7), 9-11, terrorists (8), we are at war, enemy , 9/11, radical vision.

-“Sunni extremists, possessed by hatred, do not like us.“Their goal is the opposite of any principle of civilization”. (Average Joe thinking: “Damn, Not only Muslims but also Sunnis hate us! When did those come into the picture anyway?!”.

-“Listen to this threat from the late terrorist (9) Zarqawi : (We will sacrifice our blood and bodies to put an end to your dream)”. (Was this Zarqawi character so influential to the point that he still haunts the president of the USA even after his death?. Plus, I don’t think Zarqawi meant the dream as in a paid house, a car, and a 9-5 job that barely covers the bills! Zarqawi was referring to the Americans imperialist dream of colonizing the Arab world (which is practically in full effect), and for that…Oh well).

-“This is only one camp in the Islamist Radical movement” (A shot of a soldier with a severe eye injury. His whole eye area looks like scar tissue). (It is obvious the president is setting them up for another surprise).

-“There is the danger of Shiite extremists. They are just as hostile and determined to dominate the Middle East. They take directions from the regime in Iran which is funding an army of terrorists (10) like Hizbollah; a group second only to AlQaeda in the American lives it has taken” (Avergae Joe: Now we have Sunni, Muslims, Shiites and Hizbollah and they are all killing and planning to kill us! Fuck, I thought we were winning this thing!!).

-Bottom line: “Shiites and Sunnis are the same and they want to kill Americans and kill the democracy in the Middle East”. “Ideological Struggle”. “Terrorists (11) fear human freedom”. “We want to help build free societies”. (And a few more generic clichés).

-We had achieved many accomplishments in 2005. “The Cedar revolution is Lebanon drove out Syrian occupation”. (Afghanistan is the new Hong Kong). “Iraqis adopted the most progressive constitution in the Arab world.” (No way! I thought the Jordanian constitution was in first place).
-“In 2006 however, they adjusted and struck back. Pierre AlGmayyel, a leading participant in the Arz revolution was assassinated.” “Hizbollah terrorists (12) supported by Syria and Iran sought conflict in the region”.(what an understatement). (Afghanistan is not Hong Kong anymore). “Iraqi Sunni extremists blew one of the most scared places in Shiite Islam, the Golden Mosque of Samara (with a mournful voice and face full of sorrow he almost shed a tear). It was designed to provoke, and it succeeded”. Sectarian violenc. Death squads…” (On a serious note: this has to be the most naïve and offensive explanation to the Iraqi civil war instigated by the American occupation)

-New strategy in Iraq (Insert broken record).
- “I ask for support of the plan and support of the troops on the ground and those on their way” (Shot of a Hispanic man in uniform and his dad). (Naturally…a unanimous ovation)

-Some more War on terror loose ends: Establishing a war on terror committee, increase the size of the army and use civilian reserves. “
-“This is the defining struggle of our time”. (Good to know).

We are not working alone:
-We have a coalition of mercenary irrelevant countries backed up by a worthless UN resolution.

-“Our puppet regimes in Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Egypt and the Gulf nations are working to support our puppet government in Iraq ”.(Seriously, this IS an actual quote).

-“The quartet committee (is working with) diplomacy to bring peace to the holy land and for the establishment of a democratic Palestinian state living side by side with the (Zionist state)”. (“WOW, this is very exciting, he acknowledged the right of a Palestinian state to exist”; That was what I said when he first announced this same exact statement, three years ago.)

-Afghanistan, Iran, Korea, Belarus, Burma, Darfur. (Whatever)

+Now, time to cool it down for a little bit, to set up the big Finale:
-Hunger, disease, HIV in Africa, Malaria, Poverty.

+Our country is so strong and generous. Our people are also simple naïve and love novelty acts and feel-good stories. Dear America I brought with me some props for your entertainment tonight. Introducing (Drum Roll please) :

-Dikembe Mutombo (WHAT!! Who? What a heck of a trip for the pot heads of America! Dikembe next to Laura Bush!! Forget about asking him to yell “Who want to sex Mutombo” during his standing ovation, but couldn’t they have him at least wiggle the finger when he stands up?! Of course there was NO DOUBT that the president will mispronounce his name during the introduction. Easily the highlight of the day!. On the other hand, Mutombo, at 40, is still a force at the center position. Just look at his numbers in the month of January after the injury to Yao Ming, where he started logging 30+ minutes per game! The second all-time shot blocker is also a monster on the boards). As Mutombo stood up for his ovation there were Asian lady to his right; Her head was literarily at his waist level.

-My second guest tonight is Julie-Aigner Clark: who started children films company in her basement and sold it to Disney for a ton of money. “Julie is a business and social entrepreneur” (See you lazy American bums, everyone can be a millionaire, even though the odds are as improbable as playing Center for the Houston Rockets).

-Next is Wesley Autry: aka The Subway Hero. (He looks like a very simple man; the typical underprivileged black American from New York. His daughter was sleeping on the chair next to him, and I hated to see him do this (or be exploited like this). Then I remembered that this morning and on the first page of a local daily I saw the head of the “Arab Philosophers Society” and a veteran comrade “standing small” between the hands (as they say in Arabic) of some of MUCH less stature than that of Bush, so I thought let the man enjoy his TV time. And he sure did not disappoint. While the Julie whatever lady stood with her fake smile and did not even clap during her own ovation, Mr. Autry was ecstatic: He was waving, blowing kisses with both hands, thanking people and clapping. I did not think anything could upstage the Dikembe cameo for the night, but Autry was unreal. He gave the two thumbs up, pointed at the president and you could read his lips say thank you. He pointed to the president again and whispered “you’re the man”. He then turned sideways and hugged the man in uniform sitting next to him. At this point even Dick Chaney cracked a smile

-And of course the last trick in the bag is …? Well you guessed it, the injured soldier who won the silver star medal for his courage in combat in Iraq.

+End on a high note.
-"Our Union is strong. God Bless."

Tune in next week where I will be repeating the same exact crap over the whole next three years.

Abu Shreek: Identity (Crisis)

Your typical recipe for a deep-spiritual experience: a combination of 3-day sleep deprivation, a mixture of caffeine, methamphetamines and mild hallucinogens, topped off with a dose of the generic stressful daily complications. The result: The white light at the end of the tunnel appears. A possible conversation between oneself and one’s “creator” magically occurs (it must be the hallucination stuff), after which the lifeboat appears, and one decides to withdraw from reality, reconsider the identity and rededicate the existence to a presumed after life.

Of course this is not what happened to Abu Shreek. Simply because Abu Shreek does not endorse sleep deprivation (sleeping is a very pleasant activity that involves dreaming: a magnificent daily trip), does not pay attention to and practically ignores all the daily details that causes stress, and definitely does not wait for fictitious saviors. Still, a remarkable past month.

Abu Shreek has realized that the period from mid December until mid January is a very decisive period in any year and is definitely worth “utilizing” for hibernation and reflection. Heck, the whole country of Jordan took that whole month off, so Abu Shreek may as well show his patriotism and suspend any productive activities over the same period, annually. (On the bright side, this is just in (today’s opening headlines in the Jordanian dailies (it must have been a slow news day!)): Jordanians will be no longer required to spend his majesty’s birthday (and his majesty’s deceased father’s birthday!) dancing in the streets and waving flags, but they should express their happiness on this occasion by increasing their productivity and by staying on top of their duties. (Definitely a step in the right direction. But how about this for another step in the right direction: a high rank official in the Royal court expressed his deep dissatisfaction with the parliament recommendation to cut down on capitalist expenses since it will affect Royal court projects that are worth 35 million JDs. Could the “productivity” of these projects be disclosed information or is it “tongue elongation”?). [Note to Self: This is supposed to be a personal piece, get off of the tangent. Self to Note: This is personal].

So what happens over the last month? Nothing much really. The homicide of a childhood hero ( with all details aside), A New Year, some armed conflict in Somalia with American involvement, Jesus Birthday, Moses Birthday, the prices of tomatoes goes up, a heating gas crisis, inclement weather, sectarian violence, Some religious Eid, and NFL playoffs. Abu Shreek gets in a fight with his brother: (If I were a Fatah member and you were a Hamas member and I saw you wearing the black garbage bag, manning checkpoints, and vandalizing Palestinian building I may shoot you….If I were a Hamas member and you were a Fatah member I may have to shoot you too….silence…sleep). Abu Shreek gets in a heated argument with his roommate: (If Iran’s influence in Iraq continued to increase and the Shiite crescent that his majesty warned of decided to “invade” Jordan, and Jordan inevitably decided to ask for Israeli support…..). Slightly important events. None of them life-changing though.

Multiple symposiums, conferences and high-level meetings were held: Youth, technology and freedom of speech. Lunches, posing for pictures and sponsorship at a Royal level. Then the most popular Jordanian aggregator gets shut down (for technical purposes of course). Multiple warnings, despite the fact that Abu Shreek has not talked to anyone in years! Life-changing decisions. My dear three-readers. [After all, two of them are demanding the change and the third reader (the assigned internal intelligence piece of crap) will definitely be relieved, since he has to spend less time deciphering stuff that he is intrinsically mentally-ineligible to deal with.] And just when everything is pleasantly heading in the (wrong?!) direction… Then the last month happens and a rebirth as ONE.

Abu Shreek starts writing his passed-due NFL article (appears next Tuesday), starts scribbling a few notes for the next mailbag (next Thursday). Very insignificant. Browses through iftiradi and friends (Thanks to (link removed for technical purposes)). Pulls out some pictures and stares at them. Browses through Liberte Toujours (aptly named:RED). Pulls out the Tawjihi Arabic study guide (AlKasheff) and reads in it:(لوموا امة تعبدها حاكمهاوتفرعن عليها واستجاز كيدها وعدا مصالحها فلم تغضب ولم تمش اليه بالسيف)
[a verse from the Arabic curriculum for the 12^th grade in which the writer in defending the Arabic language “do not blame the language for its weakness, but blame a weak nation that surrendered to unjust leadership”]. Was the whole Arabic book wrong or only this part? Flips through more pages:
(لا تخافو نكالا فيه منشأكم فالحوت في اليم لا يخشى من البلل).
Oh well, the Ministry of interior just announced that the era of political arrests is over in Jordan! Good news. Remembers a promise. Many promises. Looks at the watch. Still got time for a few more random thoughts. (which naturally would not make it in print).

The decision making process and the reorganization of priorities become much easier when one factors in that the “acropolis” is much closer than initially imagined. It is clear and evident: The anti-Christ is conquering the world from the Bermuda triangle and the small to mid-sized signs have already took place (how else would you explain, the Brittney K-Fed divorce (using a text message no less), the Tsunami, the general Arabic situation, the Red Sox winning the world Series, the elephant in the room and his flag wavers, Gay marriage, and this!). As long as the priorities are set straight, there is no need to get too caught up in irrelevant details like “identity”. This will help avoid all crises and enjoy floating on air.

Profile: The Chair

A few weeks ago there was a minor dispute over the hardly-prestigious and practically-insignificant position of the “vice-president” of the Jordanian Journalists Union. At the time of the elections, there was an agreement between the two candidates to alternate holding the position over the term of the council. When the first half of the term expired, one of them refused to honor the agreement and held on to the “chair” claiming that he was the highest vote-getter anyway and that there is nothing official that binds him to giving it up, hence the case was taken to some constitutional court. Then, both disputing “journalists” came to their senses and realized that they are fighting to be “in charge” (using the term very loosely) of a distinguished group of brain-dead high-school failures, flag-waving regime fawners, who are one step away from being issued a drum and a trumpet each (actually many of them already received the musical instruments, and a decent few opted for the gag). So they worked the situation out and avoided further embarrassment.

A few months earlier, the one-time influential Jordanian left, represented by the various midget-sized invisible communist parties, decided to regroup and held an “enormous” conference gathering historic figures along with old and new comrades trying to unite, and revive some of the glory days. The comrades’ main dispute, which eventually led to the failure of the unity attempt, was over the selection of the “Central Committee” members. A secretary general of a current completely obscure party insisted on holding such a seat and refused to settle for a position on the less-prestigious “Executive Committee”, making an argument for his “weight” and historic contribution to the struggle. The funny thing is that the whole gathering including current and historic leaders, current and former members, organizers, supporters, and bystanders could not have completed the load of a small Coaster bus.

If we examine the situation on this elementary level, can we blame a king for trading-in his father for a chair (or even a mattress)? Can we blame another king for back-stabbing his brother, another for sending his dad to a mental institute or another for even conspiring to murder him when the stakes are that high?! If the chair on a school students-council at the fifth grade level may lead to bloodshed, can we blame the owner of a country and everything on it for threatening to destroy anything that comes close to his throne and or another one who is willing to collaborate with the devil (i.e. Israel in the case of the late King Hussein and Jordan) to preserve the chair?

Imagine being responsible for a group of five people. One cannot understand who covets such a situation! Leadership usually contains some privileges, but in reality the main and (maybe only) purpose of these privileges is to allow the leader to perform the DUTIES. So you are the group leader of the five on a trip. They all hand you their money so that you can be in charge of the food supply for the whole trip. A few egotistical emotions may flow in your system as a result of being in possession of all the money. Maybe some feelings of pride and some sense of control. But practically you should be very worried: You are responsible for making the money last for the whole trip; you have to be aware of the collective fortune at all time and cannot lose it or everyone will starve; your integrity maybe subjected to questioning in the case of any misfortune (even at the level of one below-average meal served), and that is only the money planning duties! Seriously, who fights for that?

The chair becomes an issue of dispute and a life-long target in the case when the benefits become exceedingly disproportionate to the duties, with the most extreme example being the leadership of every third world country (unlimited resources for ZERO duties or responsibility). This phenomenon drags down from the palaces to every other organization and is apparent at every other position that comes with a title. It is actually very analogous to the situation of the army ranks in the countries with dormant/doormat armies. If you are a Marshall, General, or the holder of any other red-collar position in the notorious Jordanian army (zero battles over the past 35 years, and literarily zero wins over its whole existence) one may imagine the ratio of your privileges to your duties: They are almost approaching the above mentioned Royal level. If your rank is a little lower, you are still carrying yourself with that same power-trip mentality and you may believe that you have a certain level of a social status, but practically you are responsible for some duties that you need to address (mainly licking the boots of those of higher ranks) and your privileges may be limited to canceling your traffic fines and maybe reached its ultimate heights by getting a seat for your kid at the university. In an empty show-off society even the most insignificant of acknowledgements: “Look, here comes the assistant co-supervisor of the regional conference for Vacuum and Nothingness” can be a source of vindication and will give the fake sense of accomplishment to a worthless soul, let alone the effect of the titles of the “Majesty and Co.” variety.

Of course, the power hunger and the passion for being in charge could be a human desire that may not be that effortless to control and suppress. Any “position”, no matter how trivial, can very tempting and can be almost impossible to secede. That is why those who managed to perform that seemingly-impossible feat and forfeit a power position have engraved their names in the history books: Nasser’s cemented his legacy among the Arab leaders and took it to a whole new level by considering resignation. (Imagine the glory that the late Yasser Arafat could have earned if he had set an example for a system of authority rotation and managed to create such a precedent in our area. (On a separate note: It is even more saddening and infuriating when you see people fighting over a non-existent chair)). Che Guevara’s legacy depends on the effect it has on those who studies his biography: (Some may see him as the symbol of all revolution, some see him as the Don Quixote of our century, some see him as the example of perseverance and morality, and some just think that his mug looks “cool” on a T-shirt or a strapless top) but his legendary status emerged from the fact that he did not get glued to the first chair he had achieved and he elevated over the meager governmental position. Otherwise he would have ended up being his revolution comrade Castro: A one time respected revolutionary turned into a mockery of an autocrat. George Washington could have installed himself (and allegedly was offered to be) KING at certain points of the American history, yet he retired to a plantation after presiding over a constitution that limited the presidents to four years in power. The republican ideal he has set allows the modern day empire to hand each American president his chair after 8 years (literally, since the former presidents actual chair is placed in his memorial presidential library and museum), hand him a thank you note, and allows the country to infuse new blood at the top of its executive branch. The irony here reaches its peak when you observe a whole crew of highly-educated, super-qualified, ultra-intelligent people who are handpicked to perform their respective tasks being relieved of their duties and replaced to assure rejuvenation and “freshness” at the top of the pyramid, while in other parts of the world you have semi-illiterate delusionals with speech impediments “leading” nations decades after decades.

On the bright side in some places of the world there do exist a character called a living ex-president and there is a decent chance for a head of state to walk away from the great responsibility in a dignified way: Not on the hands of a conspiring son, not on the hands of an army general who slaughters him along with the next three generations of his family, nor would it be on the hands of a foreign army who would take his beloved chair and…..execute him on it.

Review: Social Equality (II)

A look at the injustices and dangers of capitalism in the second installment of Earnest Mandel’s “From Class Society to Communism”.

As the first part of this review tried to introduce the human dilemma of “Socialism vs. Barbarism” and briefly discuss a few issues associated with socialism (mainly its relationship with religion and the effects of the failure of the Soviet experience), this section tries to emphasize the necessity of a social equality system, through the exposure of the inherited injustices and exploitations of the capitalistic system in two main areas: The appropriation of surplus value and Imperialism. Dire injustices that should not be tolerated by any unselfish self-respecting human being and that should eventually lead humanity to ditch this primitive jungle-themed system.

To understand the main exploit of the capitalist system, one has to be familiar with the concept of “surplus value”: the base of the whole capitalist industrialized economy. To spare the reader an essay in Marxist theory here is the most basic example on surplus value appropriation: You hire a skilled worker (carpenter) to make a chair. You buy the wood for 5 currency units, you pay the worker 5 units and spend another 5 units on expenses (tools, space,…). Now you sell the chair for 25 units. The wood value and expense are “constants”: they just cost that much. That means that the 10 units “profit” that you ended up making are the surplus value that belongs to the worker, but you appropriated it for the single reason that you owned the capital (that allowed for you to buy the raw material) and that you own the means of production. The worker deserved 15 units for his work (as evident by the final price of the chair), but you practically stole his money.

Now Notice the following facts associated with this issue:
-The early capital and early fortunes appeared as a result of parasitic exploiting of the revenues of other classes: The landlords and nobility who exploited peasants as an example, and the transfer of goods and commodities across the markets (which was practically based on deception and pillage), as an other main method. However it is still simply a result of transfer of value, and the global gain of the society is scarcely increased: Some lose what others gain. However the modern capitalistic approach no longer swallows surplus value by circulation, it made surplus value a part of the production process by buying the labor power other than paying a fair return for labor. Hence turning labor itself into a commodity. The main aim of production became solely the accumulation of more capital, which led to huge exploitation of the working class.

-The capitalist has no right to treat labor as a commodity and has no right to appropriate the surplus value. Capitalists prefers to define capital as any instrument of labor, or even vaguer, “any durable goods” (According to Ernest Mandel this definition implies that the first monkey to hit a banana tree with a stick is the first capitalist!). The Marxist definition of capital is: Any value that is increased by surplus value or which attempts to acquire surplus value. One can make the point that socialism does not fight against personal ownership as much as it fights against the ownership of means of productions, that allows one minor class in society to benefit from and capitalize on its inherited status (ownership of wealth, that is turned into capital) to continue to exploit the majority of the society and make their life miserable for the sole purpose of the accumulation of more wealth.

-One may be tempted to make the argument that these members of the exploited working class may have options to improve their situation, by:
a. Refusing to sell their labor power.
The working masses do not have the freedom of choice. The capitalist society is based on forcing people to sell their labor. Actually Mandel defines the proletariat as the class that is obliged by the economic constraints to sell their labor continuously in order to survive. The proletariat is obliged to accept the price dictated by the normal capitalist conditions of the “labor market” as the price for its labor power. A price that is usually just sufficient to buy commodities satisfying those “basic needs” which are recognized socially.
[As a follow up to the last statement, notice how the capitalist system prefers its working class to have some purchasing power (after all who is going to buy all the consumer-goods?). Hence, it is constantly trying to change the proletariat definition of socially-demanded “basic needs” through constant advertisement and popular culture. However during the time of crisis (from the capitalist standpoint) like a crisis of overproduction (which ironically enough is the result of the excessive work done for minimal wages), these working classes are left to face unemployment (and even starvation) in those times of depression, economic recovery, or any other times where the capitalists feels that their return is not being maximized].

b. Seeking self-employment, entrepreneurial opportunities and small businesses.
The capitalist society is based on the centralization of capital. They may want to lead people to believe that anyone can mange to be “capitalists” but the chances are minimal, and the system is constructed over “the big fish devouring the little fish” strategy. Large enterprises defeat smaller ones, hence the big enterprises and firms expand incessantly while small businesses continue to have a very low success rates (especially outside the services sector) even in a country like the USA. Mandel presents a chart (as an indication) that shows that the percentage of the self-employed in the USA has decreased from 37% in 1880 to 9 % in 1970, while the wage-earners percentage reached 90% that year (1970).
The rare feel-good success story of the self-employed who benefited from a situation as improbable as winning the lottery keeps the working class under the illusion that this is a “fair” system where equal opportunities (to exploit people) are offered to everybody, while in reality, the this cannot be farther than the truth.

Another dangerous characteristic of capitalism is the phenomenon of surplus capital (abundant capital resulting from monopolies) that will lead to capitalist countries to seek new fields of investments and hence imperialism. As long as capitalism operated in the world market merely to sell its good and buy raw materials there was no major interest in the conquest of new territories by military force. But since the capital invested in a country is usually recovered after many years, the imperialist countries needs to establish permanent control over the countries they have invested capital in.

Now, Notice that:
-Young imperialist powers try to use the change in the balance of forces to modify the distribution of the world investment fields in their favor by means of wars. These are wars for new fields, sources of raw materials, control of the markets, and not wars for political ideas (and to quote Mandel “not for against democracy, or against autocracy or fascism). This is a major step towards barbarism.

-Imperialism is one of the principal sources of the under-development in two-thirds of the world. The colonial and semi-colonial (formally an independent state but under a foreign thumb) countries are vastly exploited by the imperialists. Every part of these countries’ economies is subordinated to the interest and dictates of foreign capital. The penetration of foreign capital may appear to provide some development of productive forces, maybe create a few small industrial towns and may develop a proletarian embryo, but it has been historically proven that the standard of living in such countries has stagnated or even fallen as a result of this penetration. Notice that this chronic under-development in these dependant countries is not due to lack of local capital or resources. On the contrary, these resources are exploited by the imperialists and the underdevelopment is sustained by constantly discouraging productive investments and industrialization, which leads to immense under employment (both quantitative and qualitative) of these countries populations.

-There has been a recent move from direct to indirect imperialist domination as a result of the national liberation movements all over the world. This change has created a new social layer in the dependant countries: the state bureaucracy. This bureaucracy sets itself up as a defendant and representative of national interests while in fact profiting from its imperialist-supported leadership to indulge in large scale private accumulation. These bureaucracies and autocratic governments that are allied with the foreign monopolies, the national merchants and usurers and the army are a burden on their populations and are another layer of servers to the imperialist capital, under a national cover. The rejection of capitalism (even in its deformed version being enforced on these countries) is a first step towards liberation from the imperialist influence and from the state-in-service-of-foreign- capital agents and representatives.

(Dear three readers: If you have managed to read through this one, you deserve the Abu Shreek Distinguished Individual Award (very prestigious by the way, and recognized in three countries and two Caribbean islands). This was supposed to be an idiot’s intro to a version of Socialism, which appears to have gone slightly in the wrong (a step higher) direction. I appreciate your patience, although the two parts seem to have completely missed the target audience. Well, maybe the third would be more palatable, but I highly doubt it).

Profile: Corruption Cure

With the conclusion of another worthless event in the form of a conference,can we afford to wonder who is carrying the throne of corruption in Jordan? Absolutely not!

A few years back and when Jordan was under the ownership of the late King Hussein a group of veteran politicians and political activists were discussing the issue of corruption in one of these “political salons”, when a reckless individual uttered the statement (رأس الفساد سيد البلاد). Of course, an internal intelligence schmuck of the 5 JDs-per-report variety (can you say police-state?) reported him to the “specialized-departments” and he was going to face trial (constitutionally!) for “tongue elongation”. Well, he was lucky enough to have some “connections” and was spared the (up to three years of) jail time for an observation he could not keep to himself.

Now you are free to believe that the biggest corruption scandal in Jordan is some obscure minister of municipality and the "mega-deal" involving some defected garbage trucks, but Abu Shreek would rather disagree. When your so-called parliament continues to be headed by two household icons of corruption, well then maybe your problem extends a little farther than a garbage truck. Corruption has an undeniable trickle-down effect and blaming or even chasing the bottom of the illness is pointless, achieves minimal gains and almost impossible. The problem is at the top, higher than you can imagine, and as the Arabic poet says “If you are courageous enough, go after the snake’s head not its tail”.

At this point it is obvious that the successive Jordanian governments, that usually reach their respective expiration dates within two years at the most, are interchangeable and practically irrelevant. Starting from the prime minister to whoever random, unqualified (technically, politically and even charismatically) names join him in the few-months “expedition”, they all have the decision-making power of a castrated slave working in a medieval palace. The sole decision-making, policy-scheming, budget-swallowing power in the country is the palace (Again, it is all constitutional).
Now, autocratic regimes adopt a Machiavellian approach in building multiple layers of beneficiaries and parasites at the highest ranks, to assure loyalty and stability of the throne, and then the regime would sponsor them, interchange them, and keep them within slapping distance if they ever think about stepping out of line. Hence, instead of corruption being a disease that needs to be uprooted, it becomes another tool in the hands of a tyrant. This leads to a state-sponsored, agreed-upon situation where corruption is a characteristic of the regime regardless how of much they act like they are “bothered” by it. [It maybe easier to imagine how such a notorious approach works if you see it on a smaller (organizational) scale. Take the “Palestinian Authority” under the late Yasser Arafat. The situation was not even close to a self-government (let alone a state) and the politically-slick Yasser Arafat managed to create a corrupt layer in such a way that when one of his parasites even thought about adopting a line slightly threatening to his absolute despotism and power-trip, then the corruption scandal is brought out, destroying all political credibility and the “once-important-government-figure” may even get publicly executed without a trial.]

It is very understandable to see people who are benefiting from such policies being the first to defend it relentlessly, and step up against the argument above. You cannot expect a quasi-illiterate parasite who ended up with power and wealth beyond belief to profess to the fact that if not for the way our country is run, and if we were a law-based society, he/she would be occupying the bottom level of the society ranks. Does anyone in their right mind expect that so-called parliament to pass any laws that could suppress high-level corruption, when 99% of its members (both elected and assigned) are THE FIGURES of corruption in Jordan?! How is this assembly ( قعدة مضافة) expected to pass “The Declaration of Assets” laws when they are the main people who have to answer to it? And how does an educated, well-informed individual buy into and defend such an approach and claim that this is the only feasible option that we have?
[On a humorous note just imagine if the “How did you earn that fortune?”-law was applied to the Royal Jewels. It would be really hard to come up with sources for the oil-sheikhs-like fortune, when the only documented sources of income are a used tricycle and some CIA payments].

Now, since Abu Shreek is a positive person and prefers to offer solutions other than constantly complaining, here is a suggestion to dismantle corruption and cure its effects: After the second stage of the true political reform (First stage: The palace takes a relative back seat and the historic “political figures” are eliminated from political life. Second stage: Academic research-based election laws that guarantee a capable representation that will form a palace-independent government. [See Profile: The Reform ]), the assets of every Jordanian who has ever assumed a “high rank” official position since 1990 is frozen and subjected to an independent audit. (With in-advance apologies to the three people who did not “illegally benefit from their positions” (the polite way of saying thief), but desperate times call for desperate measures). Once all the illegally earned money is confiscated their Excellencies, their Highnesses, their Holinesses, their Eminences and all the other empty titles holders can choose between enrolling on a social security payment plan (equal to that of the average retired government employee), or if they prefer to remain active, they can choose joining a re-institutionalizing program compatible with their minimal acquired skills that could benefit the society. A Former corrupt Minister of Water Resources: Train to be a skilled plumber. Former corrupt highly decorated army general who has never schemed a training maneuver let alone fought a battle: Train to be a boy scout-leader. A broker who sold the donated oil shipment in the international market: Diesel truck driver. And so on.

The regime should not treat its people as ignorant, brain-dead picture-waving masses. The regime should not choose and be satisfied with its opposition to be in the form of reactionary incompetent forces like the historically-regime-collaborating Muslim brotherhood, tribal leaders who feel left out of the pie-sharing, worthless tabloids and street rumors. And the regime should know that there are people who refuse to buy into meaningless for-show conferences featuring people lecturing anti-corruption when they ought to be serving jail time for corruption.

On a final note, despite the severity of the issue, the corruption problem remains solvable under its current regime-sponsored format. (And if you prefer a faster solution than the aforementioned five-to ten-year slightly-ambitious plan, a simpler option would be the application of law in every walk of life on every level (from the Royal family finances to traffic tickets).
But here what could be a more serious problem: If we know that there is some sort of corruption among high-ranked politicians, among the top army officers, at the top of the intelligence department, at the top of the police department, at the top of our higher-education institutes and we know that a bribe of $2000 can buy you a Jordanian nationality; and in the middle of all that the King who enjoys undisputed powers and tremendous sum of authority and respect is oblivious to it and helpless against it, then who is running the show? And where do you draw the line between a “state” and a “circus”?

NFL: A Quarter to Go

A quick look at the top teams in the league between weeks 7-13.

For the first time since the beginning of the salary cap era, there are some wider-spread complaints against “Parity”. Unfortunately this year, (which is just like every other NFL season: happens to be a “weird” season), the word parity is a synonym for mediocrity. After 8 games 15 out of the 32 teams were either at 0.500, one game above or one game below. By week 13 there are 16 teams who are 6-6, 7-5 and 5-7. Gamblers (an integral part of football) are going crazy: Nothing is making sense. Veteran gamblers have been sitting out the rest of the season since week 7 and waiting for the playoffs. A sports writer (who is a much better comedian than he is a handicapper) is more than 6 games behind his wife in picking games, and his wife is picking the games randomly. There could be many reasons for this phenomenon: (Bad Quarterbacks (Can you find a third pro-bowl QB in the NFC (Alex Smith?)), injuries that tend to level the playing field, a good team looking past a bad team, a revenge match, …, and of course parity that make all the teams so thin at many positions) which leaves all the teams on an equal inconsistent leveled grounds. The result: Teams that looked like contenders early in the year are doubtful to even earn a playoffs spot (Denver, Jacksonville) and teams who were considered Oakland-ish bad have hopes of a wild card (San Francisco).

NFC Contenders:

Dallas
Big Win: Indianapolis
Big Loss: Washington
What a big difference between the two games against the Giants. They play New York at home and gets dominated in week7, go for the (scary, often-criticized, debatable-at-best ) QB change and their season looks like a lost hope. Then, after beating the Colts they gain so much confidence that they never mentioned the heart-breaker against Washington and would not get bothered by the loss of their defensive captain Greg Ellis. One thing that is going in favor of this team is how healthy it has stayed (jinx alert). Other than the injury to Ellis and Tyson Thompson early in the year (both IR-ed) their injury report last week was: NONE! Just imagine if thy have drafted Manny Lawson, Mathias Kiwanuka or DeMeco Ryans other than Bobby Carpentar.

Chicago
Big Win: NY Giants, NY Jets
Big Loss: Miami
A QB controversy on week 13 is not a good sign. After they got hammered by Miami at home, the fake aura around this team (and even its defense) started to fade. They bounced back nicely against the Giants and the Jets, but neither game was a dominant performance and as usual an incompetent offense got carried by the defense (10 more takeaways than anyone else in the league) and special teams (Devin Hester for MVP?). Rex Grossman cannot expect to keep winning games with performances like those against the Jets, Pats and Vikings in the past three weeks, and Tommie Harris injury better be not very serious. On the bright side, they have already clinched their division and in the NFC they are a SuperBowl candidate for sure.

New Orleans
Big Win: Atlanta
Big Loss: Pittsburgh
They keep their slot among the big boys proving that they sure belong. The win against the Falcons (The Vick finger game) in week 12 all but secured them the division. The losses against the top two AFC North teams may be understandable but (believe it or not) playoffs contenders should not be losing to the Steelers (a must-beat time at this point of the year) .But now they face a tough stretch (starting against the Cowboys Sunday night) with injuries to Joe Horn and rookie of the year Marques Colston. Their run stopper DT Hollis Thomas is also suspended (steroids) for the last four games. But MVP candidate Drew Brees and a very underrated defense should carry them to a playoffs birth.

Seattle
Big Win: St. Louis, Denver
Big Loss: San Francisco
They had Seneca Wallace and Maurice Morris simultaneously starting at QB and RB for a while! But thanks to the pathetic division, they’ve practically clinched it. After they beat the Rams for the second time, the team that generated some buzz over a few empty wins early in the year, the Rams spiraled down the drain. San Francisco threatened the Seahawks for a second after a few wins capped by an upset in SF, but of course the 49ers came down to earth the following week against the Saints. The Seahawks are still not hitting on all cylinders (especially on offense, given that Hasselbeck was not having his best year even before he got hurt). They lost some depth at the DT position after losing Marcus Tubbs and Michael Boulware lost his starting job (poor performance) but if they use the last 3 of four games against scrubs (ARI, SF, TB) to fine tune they could be dangerous in the playoffs.

Wild Card candidates (in the order of their chances):

Philadelphia
Big Win: Carolina
Big Loss: Tennessee, Tampa Bay, Jacksonville
They go from embarrassing dead-in-the water on Sunday night to a playoffs contender on the next Monday night. That is how the Eagles roller-coaster season is playing out. What a tough stretch they had from the 6^th until the 11^th week!! Now all of a sudden they control their own destiny (with games against the Giants and the Falcons) and with Jeff Garcia (who?) in the perfect system for his skills, they have a chance. Of course they still have the same old problems (inconsistent running game, thin at the LB position), but they are much improved at Wide Receiver, deep at the defensive line and Lito Sheppard and Brian Dawkins (without the overreaction and the theatrics) anchor a solid secondary.

New York Giants
Big Win: Cowboys (week 7)
Big Loss: Tennessee
Four losses in a row and the team has the outlook of a deteriorating team. It was obvious that its winning streak of 5 games was overrated, and this team never really had the outlook of the best team in the NFC even after that season-peak win against the Cowboys. Just too much drama and too much dysfunction. They were also hit hard by injuries (Luke Petitgout, Amani Toomer, Michael Strahan and the DEs, the LBs) and their rebuilt secondary played much worse than expected (especially Will Demps). The Tennessee game was the back breaker and a terrible way to get ready for the game of the season against the Cowboys (in which they played very well), but it may be hard to recover behind a still-shaky and inconsistent QB.

Carolina
Big Win: None
Big Loss: Philadelphia
Since their win against Baltimore in week 6 this team has only two wins, and they came against Tampa Bay and St. Louis! This is a team that was considered a contender early in the year, but not anymore, and it’s almost inexplicable. It is true that their offensive line is depleted (after loosing the LT Travelle Wharton early, they lost C Justin Hartwig), but they do not appear impressive on either side on the ball. Jake Delhomme usually a good “bus driver” has single handedly cost them at least three games (and now he has a thumb injury). The defensive line has officially crossed into the overrated area and I cannot see where Julius Peppers’ MVP candidacy is coming from. The running game that sued to ba a staple is non-existent since they have not found a back in the mold of Stephen Davis. Just an average team and it shows in its 6-6 record.

Atlanta
Big Win: Pittsburgh, Cincinnati
Big Loss: Detroit, Cleveland
So they out-slug the Steelers and the Bengals in back to back weeks and Mike Vick is the second coming of Dan Marino then they lose three straight. Note: No playoffs teams should lose to the Lions or the Browns this late in the year, let alone lose to them back to back. The running game that they benefited from early in the year has disappeared (unless you want to consider Vick’s ball-waving scrambles a “running game”) and to quote their owner: “I have three number one receivers and none of them can catch the ball” (Warrants the question: is Ashley Lelie still in the league?) and you may add a QB who cannot throw the ball, but can sure point the finger. They had some injuries (highlighted of course by the annual season-long John Abraham injury), but this team’s defense is hardly a difference maker, and that include overrated (after two years in? is it even possible to become overrated before you even prove you belong in the league) D’Angelo Hall.

Dishonorable mentions: (Sorry you don’t have a chance despite what you think) : Washington, Minnesota, St. Louis, San Francisco.

AFC Contenders:

San Diego
Big Win: Cincinnati, Denver
Big Loss: Kansas City
They are riding a six game winning streak after that a shocking upset loss against KC in week 7. The come-from-behind win against the Bengals proved to them that they can out-score anyone and gave them more confidence in ProBowl-candidate Philip Rivers. Next weeks rematch against Denver should be a big key in clinching the division. LaDanian Tomlinson (who scored 4 TDs against Denver in the first meeting) is a deserving MVP candidate and after managing his touches early in the (Michael Turner relieved him of a few carries and then completely disappeared) he is fresh and is carrying the majority of the offensive load. The defense is giving a relatively high number of points (41 against the Bengals and 20+ points in 6 of their last 7), but Shawne Merriman is back from his steroids suspension, Marlon McCree is a needed-intimidating (dirty?) presence in the secondary and rookie LB Marques Harris has the best celebration move in the league.

Indianapolis
Big Win: Denver, New England
Big Loss: Tennessee
Let's just say that this team does not scare anyone this year (keeping in mind that they did not scare many playoffs team in the past, when they were in better shape). The peak of their season was when they took on Denver and New England on the road in back to back weeks and that made them feel that they do not need to blow people up to show that they are a good team. The loss against a Romo-juvenated Cowboys team was not that bad (they lost it on the final drive), but the loss against Tennessee exposed their usual late-year problems (worn out defense and the lack of defensive playmakers, Manning play-calling with the game on the line, and the lack of overall toughness). However, they still share the best record in the league and cannot be ruled out of a long playoffs run if some breaks go their way.

New England
Big Win: Chicago
Big Loss: NY Jets
One could argue that the Patriots have secured their division after week 8. If they would’ve won that week 11 matchup against the Jets, it would have been officially over. But there is a feeling that this team maybe on cruise control, and some times it is hard to reignite the switch on demand, keeping in mind that this is not the same defense of the past couple of years. The loss of Junior Seau left them with special-teamers Tully Banta-Cain and LB/S Don Davis playing extended minutes. The secondary situation without Rodney Harrison, and with Chad Scott and James Sanders also seeing a lot of playing time, is not very comforting. But this is a Playoffs seasoned team that has not lost on the road all year (only team with such feat, the Colts are the only undefeated at home) with an excellent QB, a running game, and an outstanding coach (although he may have seemed to over think himself in some situations this year).

Baltimore
Big Win: Cincinnati (week 9)
Big Loss: Cincinnati (week13)
Their offense showed its true colors once again during the latest Bengals game. They were completely shut out (until a garbage time TD) without turning the ball over and without even surrendering a sack! Steve McNair had a good stretch of games against average opponents and Jamal Lewis finally showed some life, but they only scored more than 30 points once all year (week 8 against the Saints). This will make the defense job very hard (as usual) (Adalius Thomas and Bart Scott are ProBowl candidates) and their field position will be hurt by the loss of KR B.J Sams for the year. They have one more game against a winning team (KC) and with 9 wins thus far they should be a shoe-in to the playoffs.

Wild Card candidates (in no particular order):

Cincinnati
Big Win: Baltimore (week 13)
Big Loss: Chargers
Their early 4-2 record quickly crashed after 3 straight losses to the Falcons, Ravens and Chargers. After week 10 and with a 4-5 record their playoffs hopes looked really dim. But give them and coach Marvin Lewis big credit for bouncing back with 3 straight wins (including the Saints on the road, and the must win against the Ravens). The defense has stepped up tremendously allowing (zero, 7, 14) points in the last three games (the three best outings all year). The LBs are doing a much better job against the run (credit the return of Brian Simmons, the play of Caleb Miller and improving rookie Ahmad Brooks). On offense, the retooled offensive line (after the losses of LT Levi Jones and C Rich Braham) are giving Carson Palmer more time, which is essential for their offensive scheme and for the QBs comfort. Even WR Chad Johnson is playing much better since he started being a little more quiet.

New York Jets
Big Win: New England
Big Loss: Cleveland
The most improved team in the second half of the season, and a proof that if you come prepared to win the games you are supposed to win, you can end up in the playoffs. Other than the motivated win against New England (a game that you can argue the Patriots did not care for that much, playing their sloppiest football in years) this Jets team does not have any big upsets or huge wins. They just took care of business against “weaker” teams, credit to their rookie coach Eric Mangini . Chad Pennington is a smart QB and WR Jerricho Cotchery is making enough plays that he should be considered for the Pro Bowl. They could have dealt with the RBs situation a little better. All these backs (Leaon Washington, Cedrick Houston, Kevan Barlow (when he was part of the rotation)) are decent players and the running back by committee approach works best when the players have defined roles. On defense they are solid (11^th in total points allowed), and feature some stars playing very well (LB Jonathan Vilma, DE Shaum Ellis and Bryan Thomas) S Kerry Rhodes but without too many difference-making plays.

Denver
Big Win: None
Big Loss: San Diego, Kansas City
Here is a team that may have reached its peak around the fourth week of the season. In the last 7 weeks their wins came against Oakland and Pittsburgh. They are riding a three-game losing streak and just went through a QB change, starting a rookie!! The running game that used to be there go-to-weapon has considerably diminished (regardless of whether its Mike Bell or Tatum Bell), and maybe the loss of the LT (Matt Lepsis) will end up hurting any team even no matter what kind of blocking technique is using. The defense that was lights-out early surrendered 34 to the Colts (the “lets pick on Darrent Williams” game) and 35 to San Diego. Injuries and lack of depth are starting to show their effect on the defense (the only rotation player at the DL is Elvis Dumervil and the overworked trio at LB does not have any reliable subs (maybe Nate Webster)). If not for games against Arizona and San Francisco it would be certain that they would miss the playoffs.

Jacksonville
Big Win: NY Giants, Miami
Big Loss: Houston (TWICE)
The ultimate two-faced team of the year. A team that can go on the road against the Eagles (week 8, when the Eagles still had the most prolific offense in the league) and hold them to 6 points, drop a beat down on an average team like Tennessee 37-7, in between two losses to the Texans!! If not for the tough closing schedule (Pats and Colts at home, Chiefs and Titans on the road), they would be a very strong candidate for the playoffs. Despite injuries their defense continues to hold up, and they have one of the best running games in the league (Maurice Jones-Drew and Fred Taylor). The switch to David Garrard does not look like a bad move, and all this team lacks is some confidence and something remotely resembling a fan-base.

Kansas City
Big Win: San Diego, Denver
Big Loss: Cleveland
The Chiefs deserve big credit for keeping it together despite the early injury to Trent Green, the new comers to the offensive line, the no-name receivers, the slow start of TE Tony Gonzalez and everything else. They have wins against their division rivals and the Seahawks (granted a depleted Seattle team but still), and a lot of the credit has to go to Larry Johnson, also an MVP candidate (30+ touches in 5 of the last six games (41 against the Chargers). He has 310 rushing attempts followed by Chester Taylor and williw Parker 265!). The defense is also playing much better this year and maybe Herman Edwards deserves some credit for that. The problem is losses like the one against Miami and Cleveland last week that could be an indicator that this team may not be that good after all. If the Chiefs are to get into the playoffs they have to prove they belong with at least two wins in their final tough four (Baltimore, @SD, @Oakland, Jacksonville).

Dishonorable mentions: (That was a little too late. Maybe next year, or maybe if you were in the NFC): Miami, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Tennessee.

Archive: Poem-based Story

Abu Shreek “literature-ating” at the Sixth grade level.

Abu Shreek is not a big fan of English poetry. Its main tools lack the strength that could make it special: Similes and metaphors are not powerful enough and can be equally and more effectively employed outside of poetry. The rhythm is mainly created through the (end- word) rhymes and when the rhymes are missing it becomes almost impossible to feel any musical tempo to the words. Many times the ambiguity and the exaggeration in the use of words overpower the point. Of course this is a mere personal opinion that is not meant to undermine those who write or appreciate this art. It may be the result of the exposure to the “specialness” of Arabic poetry with its strict rules and its multiple associated sciences. (البلاغة و العروض ).

One day, a slacking student asked for help in a home work (Reads: I have no chance of passing anyway, so can you please at least save me the embarrassment of missing another homework). The assignment: Write a story to describe what happened to the man in Simon Armitage’s “About His Person” explaining how and why he died using the objects in the poem to build the story. Two problems: 600 words and convincing the teacher that the below-average student did actually write it. (Hoping neither of them is among Abu Shreek’s three readers).

So here is the poem, followed by the short story based on it:

ABOUT HIS PERSON

Five pounds fifty in change, exactly,
a library card on its date of expiry.
A postcard stamped,
unwritten, but franked.
A pocket size diary slashed with a pencil
from March twenty-fourth to the first of April.
A brace of keys for a mortise lock,
an analogue watch, self winding, stopped.
A final demand
in his own hand,
A rolled up note of explanation
planted there like a spray carnation.
but beheaded, in his fist.
A shopping list.
A giveaway photograph stashed in his wallet,
A keepsake banked in the heart of a locket.
No gold or silver,
but crowning one finger
A ring of white unweathered skin.
That was everything.

It has been a month since she has left and he decided he had enough. He rubbed the itchy spot on his finger-where the wedding ring used to shine-for the final time, grabbed a piece of paper in one hand and a small bottle in the other. He just cannot take it anymore. Maybe someone like him was not ready for someone like her in the first place.

He was supposed to be a writer. He could have got a job in a factory or a farm like all his friends. He even had a chance to get an office job, with a desk, a phone and a decent salary. But he was always fascinated by the art of words, and he was determined to make the world hear him.

But realizing a dream comes with a heavy price. Sometimes, life can be very hard for a struggling unknown writer. Money was not always available, but he did not care. He did not care that he hardly ever ate a decent meal. He did not care that he could not afford to go to a movie theatre, or attend a party. He-kind of-did not care that he had no friends. Books made up for all of that. The minute he sat in his usual corner in the library, and started reading and writing, he forgot about hunger. His entertainment was the stories he read and his friends became their characters. At times he felt unhappy, lonely and hungry, but he always managed to be “satisfied”.

Until that one spring day. Early spring days were the hardest for him. The warm sun, the blooming flowers, the singing birds, and the lively streets full of smiling faces. All that reminded him how miserable he is. But that day when he arrived home, he pulled out his little diary, just like he does every night, and he wrote:

-“Today, I saw the most beautiful creature on earth, I smiled and she smiled back…”.

The following night he opened a new page and wrote:
-“Today, after hours of hesitation, I managed to talk to her. She was even more fascinating when she (timidly) talked to me…”.

-“Today, I handed her the poem that I wrote especially for her, and I quickly left…”

-“Today, I walked her home. She told me how much she hated working at her father’s shop. She liked the poem so much, and to show how much she appreciated it, she gave me her picture. I am staring at the picture as I am writing this.”

-“…”
-“…”

-“Today we decided we want to get married. And we did. April 1^st is the happiest day of my life”.

It did not take a long time before she decided to leave him. The few years they spent together were very hard on both of them. His career never took off and her demands never stopped. He loved her a lot, but that was never enough. And now he is back to the brutal loneliness. He thought about asking her to come back. He was going to write her something begging her to change her mind and come back mind and return. But what should he write? A new poem? The same old poem?

While he was staring around the room, trying to come up with the perfect words: the only thing missing from the ready-to-send card, his eyes caught a crumbled piece of paper that seemed familiar. It was another one of her shopping lists that he was never able to cross a single item off of. He reached in his pockets, took another look at the list, and pulled out the loose change. He counted the money, looked at the clock that has not moved a single tick during all of last month, and he thought to himself: “This should be more than enough for a bottle of fine rat poison”.

The Mailbag (V)

A little past due. Same worthless nonsense.

While reading the mini-book report on pornography in the last Mailbag, I started thinking about the similar negative effect the hip-hop culture has on women’s image and the way it portrays them. Could songs of the variety of “It must be yo’ ass cuz it aint yo face” and “You’se a hoe” be as demeaning to women as sexually-explicit material?
-Lil’ Sameera.
The PROjects at Abu Nssair.

The hip-hop culture IS sexually-explicit material and its devastating effect on women’s image is far exceeding that of porn. If we ignore the destructive effect of the rap culture on the African-American community (take for example the black guy who is working on a graduate degree in a technical field, yet he is always mixing some beats just in case a big producer wants to give him his shot and drops his album), and the ridiculous violence, drugs and money messages it promotes, the way it portrays women should not be taken lightly. Consider the following:

-The most alarming part is the fact that a lot of women gladly subscribe to the degrading designation issued by the rap culture. It is not uncommon to see an “independent, feminist, professional, working” woman who is preaching women pride all day, and when she goes out, she is joyfully doing her best video hoe impression, “shaking what her mama gave her”, “backing that ass up”, or even responding to songs instructions of the “do the chicken head” variety while singing along, under the excuse of “it’s fun”.

-While pornography can be viewed as disgusting and perverted, the rap culture is so socially acceptable to the point that it could be a source of bragging by both men and women as an indication of “hipness”.

- While exposure to pornography is optional, rap music can be force fed to the masses. It is more accessible and sometimes one could be unwillingly subjected to it. (Television, music stores, other people cars, video games, nightlife spots are just examples of locations were one would involuntarily listen to a catchy tune, get used to it, and then start subliminally repeating its explicit abusive lyrics).

Between its popularity, the social acceptability and the clarity of its message (straight- forward abuse and violence against women), the negative effect of a song by someone like the Ying-Yang twins is much more severe than that of a porn flick.

With all the technological progress that the human race has experienced it seems like there has not been any ground-breaking innovations in the area of toilet paper. We seem like we just reached a stagnant point. You may consider the developments of “squaring”, coloring, softness, or even the new “moist” roll, but there just has not been a major change in technique.
-Anonymous.

This space does not appreciate any form of bathroom humor and prefers to abstain from discussing any issues that has to do with bodily excrements, leaving it to where it belongs.

Is there any chance that the beloved Queen of Jordan has got too caught up in the whole “model” thing and decided to take the next step towards the “modelish” trendy behavior: Anorexia.
P.S.: I wanted to provide a before and after pictures but it seems that these days it is almost impossible to find her photos anywhere.
-Talleg Talleh Yabo 7ssain
Size OOO.

I do not comment on the personal life of royalty either. No matter how tempting it may appear.

After the death of Red Auerbach, a lot of people are claiming that he is the best basketball coach ever. I think they are mistaken and I will take Phil Jackson over him any day. They have the same number of rings (9). People claim that Phil Jackson had Michael Jordan for six of his rings, but Jordan never won anything for the first seven years before Phil got there. Also the Celtics had too many good players compared to the other teams of the era who did not have anyone on the same level of Bill Russell.
-Yassine Gustafson
Tangier, Morocco.

Despite the fact that you are completely mistaken, you are the winner of the prestigious e-mailer of the week award. The issue you brought up is not even an argument and the only thing Jackson shares with the great Auerbach is the “number” of Championships, which loses significance when put in context. Auerbach is an influential figure who has changed the game of basketball over the past 25 years. Phil Jackson always received a finished product. Players selection went to the GMs (Krause in Chicago and West in L.A.). It is shocking that he does not have a say on personnel even at this stage of his career. Red Auerbach is one of the best talent evaluators and his legacy extends past the posing on the sidelines and the whole unnecessary theatrics of it, (you know the whole side-line coaching act), into the actual assembly of a winning teams and he was the main contributor to the success of the franchise for years, even after he had left the sidelines. And we have not even touched on his effect on race relations yet.

As for the two points you made above, I will email you a brief recount of every Celtics championship from 1957 until 1969, emphasizing the main Celtics stars and the main opposition stars. (I cannot risk alienating my three readers who I am sure are not interested in the details of the careers of Sam Jones, Bob Cousy, John Havlicek and Wilt Chamberlain).

But, it would be interesting to go over Michael Jordan’s career and trace how the Bulls went from a 20+ win team to the greatest dynasty of the 90s, and the alleged effect on Phil Jackson on their success. (Note to GMs everywhere: This is how you build around a superstar).

1984: The Bulls were a lottery team (27-55) that ended up with the third pick and Jordan. A look at the (no name) roster can be found here: http://www.basketball-reference.com/teams/CHI/1984.html
1985: Key additions: Jordan. Playoffs. First round (Milwaukee: Terry Cumming, Sidney Moncrief)
1986: KA: Oakley, Paxton. Jordan breaks his foot in the regular season. First round sweep to the Champions Celtics (Bird, MacHale Parrish)
1987: KA: None. First round sweep to the same Celtics.
1988: KA: Rookies Grant (10^th overall) Pippen (5^th overall). Semi-finals to Detroit in (Thomas, Dumars. Laimbaeer, Rodman, Mahorn, Salley).
1989: KA: Bill Cartwright for Charles Oakley. Rookies Grant and Pippen are not coming of the bench anymore. A completely new starting lineup. Conference Finals. 4-2 to the Champions Pistons (who added Mark Aguirre and proceeded to sweep a Magic, Kareem, Worthy, Green, Thompson, Scott) Lakers team.
1990: KA: Rookie C Stacey King and rookie point guard B.J. Armstrong. Assistant Phil Jackson replaces Doug Collins and brings in triangle specialist Tex Winter. Pippen is an all star for the first time. Conference Finals. 4-3 to the Champions Pistons.
1991: KA: None: 4-0 Pistons. 4-1 Lakers. Championship.

Notice how Jordan was already changing the record books by his third year and (arguably) reaching the peak of his career. He runs into the Celtics 80's dynasty by himself and gets swept twice. Pieces start being assembled around him and he is facing a peaking, battle-tested Detroit team who has been battling the elite of the league for the past three years: (A 4-3 loss to the Celtics in the 87 conference finals, and a 4-3 loss to the Lakers in the 88 finals).Jordan is in his Seventh year. Pippen and Grant are in the fourth year. Sophmores Armstrong and King are the sixth and seventh best scorers, and this is the third straight year for the starting 5 together. The Celtics and Lakers Dynasties are at the finishing stages. The Detroit team that was more experienced and flat-out better than the Bulls is now older and is on the decline. And ALL OF A SUDDEN this has to do with Jackson taking over from Collins !!

I cannot believe they have closed the National Jordanian Tobacco Company. Say goodbye to all the fine brands. Packs of Reem, Top Twenty, Philadelphia and Kamal are collectors’ items. This is the ugly result of Globalization. This what happens when you allow Viceroy, L&M and Gauloise to penetrate your market. This is outrageous.
-Abu Mahmood
Just when I gave up on Heeshi they take away my GoldStar.

Take it easy, your chances of a cancerous tumor are pretty high already and you do not need stress to increase them. Although I feel your anger over losing the fancy brand that you are used to (Did you know that King Hussein himself used to smoke a special GoldStar blend, or so the rumor goes), but maybe this could be a chance for you to take the next step towards a cigarette that does not need constant “relighting”. I won’t blame Globalization for this national loss as much as I blame the fact that some other companies are using more tobacco and less wood dust in their cigarettes. I can say with all confidence that in the past eight years I have not seen anyone in any walk of life smoking the brands you mentioned above. Still it hurts to lose them.

Speaking of Reem, my friend Mohammad always tells the story of the architect and the drafter who worked for his uncle. They made around 70JDs a month, and between transportation and the daily lunch (ONE Falafel Sandwich), they could not afford any kind of health care or medication. So when the drafter tooth ache reached the unbearable limit, his pain killer was a pack of the great orange pack with the galloping red deer. A pack of Reem cigarettes was the only pain killer he could afford. The problem is he was not a smoker but that was the only feasible option.

And one final smoking note: After years of fighting against the cheap marketing ploy of “smoking means manhood” that got male teenagers to experiment with and eventually get hooked on the disgusting habit, there is a recent trend that promotes smoking to “independent/ feminist/ sex and the city” delusional females. The twisted hidden message reads something like this: “Smoking always meant manhood. If you want to be as strong as a man, as independent as a man, as fearless as a man,…, a pack of Marlboro lights is your way of showing it”. There are many areas at which women need to demand and achieve equality, but smoking should not be one of them.

“The internal security and intelligence agency has uncovered a secret organization consisting of two people, who tried to smuggle hidden weapons from the Kingdom to Palestine, in association with people from the gulf area who provided them with $20,000 to execute the plan. The authorities were able to contain their scheme and they are faced with four counts of possession of explosives and automatic weapons (Kalashnikov rifle)”.
This is a literal translation of a first page headline (Details here. Total amount of weapons: 4 Rockets, 2 RPGs, 4 rifles, a box of ammunition, and a glass of mercury) in a Jordanian newspaper from two weeks ago. In the middle of the Zionist massacre in Beit Hannon, and on the same day that featured another 11 Palestinian martyrs, can’t they at least move such a disgrace to the inside pages?
-An angry group of one.

The security of the Kingdom is not a matter to be taken lightly. The ever-alert intelligence departments cannot allow the Kingdom to be a transit location for weapon smugglers and arm dealers (Unless of course it is done through the palace, on the international level, and with association with notorious arm dealing mafias).

A sovereign state like Jordan has to respect its peace treaties. It cannot allow the longest confrontation frontier to jeopardize its allies. Again the kingdom has to protect its territories against all conspiring organizations and factions (even if it was consisting of two people or less). Unless of course the territories are needed for an American military base, a secret American torture prison or a cross-over for Zionist planes heading towards Iraq. The Palestinians are neither at war nor at peace, so all these amateurish weapon smuggling incidents should be met with the deserved punishment, until the all-out war breaks out, and that is when the borders would be wide open.

And then, you have two Mossad agents, sneaking into the country with Canadian passports and conducting an operation with chemical weapons against a Jordanian citizen (from all roots and origins). The late King Hussein does the plausible thing and decides to save four people. He demands the antidote for Khaled Mashal and the release of Sheikh Ahmad Yassine in exchange for the two accidentally-captured spies. Good times. Three years later, the disabled Sheikh Yassine is blown up in front of a mosque (with the Zionist either getting the approval or completely ignoring King Abdullah, both equally disgraceful), while the two spies are working on their next plan (if not already inside of Jordan). On the bright side, we have a seat in the United Nations, a colorful flag and the dullest national anthem. And whether you like it or not, this is sovereignty and it won’t be compromised, damn it.

I rllaey lkeid taht tehroy taht cialm taht it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are at the rghit pclae. I wnat to tset it myself, so if you cnnoat raed tihs it is not my fluat. And sncie I do not tsurt it and no one is gniong to ustnaendrd a tihng eehtir way, I am ginong to use my fovartie aonynums qtoue :"if you tinhk Fcuk is fnuny Fcuk yuorslef and svae yuor mneoy”.
-Dyslexic

What a perfect way to end the worst mailbag ever.

To send your irrelevant questions, and risk the chances of increased obscurity:
abushreek_jor@yahoo.com

Profile: Royal Constitution

The Jordanian royal family needs to revaluate the situation and realize that Jordan is neither an oil sheikhdom nor a banana republic.

Browsing through the depressingly delusional Jordanian daily newspapers, Abu Shreek came across the following headline (literally translated): “The King and Queen Rania meets with (Elizabeth)”! Abu Shreek tried to come up with a reason why the king and queen of Jordan would be more deserving of the royal title than their British counterpart, and then realized how obvious it was: Elizabeth is a symbol of Britain and the “dignified” part of the government. Elizabeth is the beneficiary of a government fixed allowance that is subjected to income taxes. On the other hand, His and Her Majesty are the OWNERS of a piece of land (which ironically enough was assigned to him by Elizabeth’s people) and everything on it. His and Her Majesty has unlimited, unconditional, and unquestionable powers, and they are going to enjoy it whether you like it or not. Now that is royalty.

The Jordanian Royal Prerogative (The body of customary authority, privilege, and immunity belonging to the Crown) continues to rest the fate of the whole nation in the hands of one (under qualified at best) man. His majesty was never groomed to hold this position and even as he continues hands-on-learning experience, it is obvious that his decisions lack the political expertise of his late father. (After all the transition from “The head of the Jordanian football federation” (The highest official position he ever held as a prince) to an autocratic ruler can be a daring task, and it is just impossible to expect wisdom and wit to mysteriously drop from the sky the moment one holds the throne).

The part of the Jordanian constitution that guaranteed the king these powers (and that criminalize his criticism) was copied from the British version. The British constitution has been constantly updated to guarantee a modern form of government, stripping the Crown of decision-making powers and awarding the “efficient government” role with its political authority to the parliament and the cabinet (as early as the 19^th century). In the meantime, Jordan continues its literal interpretation of the royal constitutional articles and the idea of updating them is not even remotely acknowledged! The constitution is not a divine document. It can be amended, updated and reinterpreted to achieve its purpose: The well-being and convenience of the citizens. (Even if we ignore the whole awkwardly unstable era of king Talal when the Jordanian constitution was instated, Abu Shreek could swear that the elementary social studies book said something about that King of Jordan has to be the son of two Arab parents, but that is (kind of) besides the point.)

Even if we were willing to overlook the king’s behavior considering that he is the monarch, sovereign and the infallible “43^rd direct grandson of the prophet Mohammad” (highly doubtful), the issue of the other so-called royal family members has to be considered. Here is another page from the book of the British masters:

-The number of people who receives the designation Royal Family is limited and is stated by the law. The number of current members of the British Royal family is around 22 people. Not every third cousin of the late or the current king and his kids are royal family. A lot of these people should be considered collateral to the Royal families and their roles should not exceed attending private family functions. At this point, we have completely lost track of who are these members and how many” Whatever Bin Whatever”s are out there.

-They are all held responsible in front of the law. Only the Queen has immunity. The Queen’s daughter Princess Royal has a criminal record (for not keeping her dog under control). In Some other places, you have power-spoiled individuals, suffering from inferiority complexes, who are carrying themselves as if they are the actual king, and of course behave in complete disregard to the law.

-The amount of money assigned for the Queen and some members of the royal family (who carry out public duties) are stated by the law and is paid from the Civil List and the Parliamentary Annuity funds. The Duke of Edinburgh receives 359,000 pounds per year. The Queen’s private estate (shareholdings, royal jewelry, real estate) is also subject to taxes.

It is not enough that the headlines of every newspaper are a daily documentation of his majesty’s activities (no matter how trivial they are), people have to put up with a unlimited stream of insignificant people doing insignificant things. (For historic accuracy, a random look at any one month period would reveal that at least 75% of the opening headlines feature the king. At many occasions the three opening stories are king related (with three different photos in a variety of poses). [As a random example, January 2005: The king was in the headlines 19 out of 31 possible days. Three days were a religious holiday. For Seven days he was not even in the country. So that means 19 out of 23 possible days. And that is without considering that he usually takes Sundays off]. The question is what are these people credentials and why are they being shoved down our throats? Who pays their bills? Do they even have jobs? Or are they just dedicating their lives to sponsor, attend, open, participate, host, meet, travel, and play the act of world humanitarians on Jordan’s tab?

One personal note: As a student in the University of Jordan I shared the same road routes with the king, ever since he was a prince. Many times his car parked two cars down the cab I took to school on the Jubilee Circle stoplights. He would pleasantly exchange smiles with people and wave back. Actually one time, at Al-Assaff stoplights, the king and the queen next to him noticed that I was unexcitingly looking their way across the intersection and they started waving! BUT, the fact that they are superficially nice, falsely modest, and friendly does not mean they should not be held responsible for their decisions and should not award them the unconditional right to treat the country as their personal farm.

There has to be an area for the educated constructive criticism of the decisions and the behavior of the royal family outside of street whispers and sleazy tabloids. The king should not shy away from it, if he is truly willing to follow a progressive approach. (At this point this claim is as credible as Americans bringing democracy to the middle east).

If the people of Jordan are willing to forgive the historic Hashemite treasons (From Abdullah I deal with Golda Meir to Hussein’s infamous visit of ’73 and beyond), and accept the Palace as the initiator and buffer towards a constitutional democratic monarchy, the king should be more serious in instigating a process that question his own decisions, observers his spending (the first step towrds fighting all sorts of corruption), and limit his power in favor of an accountable authority, and that could be the true historic change that could be his real legacy.

Review: Social Equality (I)

Facts, Myths and Observations of the social equality movement, through Ernest Mandel’s “From Class Society to Communism” and others.

A quick glance at the current world affairs and its history over the past two decades proves that the dilemma facing humanity is more evident and more inevitable than ever: socialism or barbarism.

First, two main points:

-The temporary collapse of the superpower nation and other states built on the social equality principles does not imply the failure of the ideology. Neither do the mistakes made along the way mean the impossibility of application or the inability of the approach to achieve satisfaction. Every life-arranging social system (even the ones that are (allegedly) divine) is an eternal process of trial and error, leading to victories and defeats, highs and lows. For example: The terminal collapse and failure of the Islamic State (The Arabs sole pride and contribution to humanity) and the severe deviation from the main Islam principles in the post- Mohammad (post-Omar) era (as indicated by civil wars, massacres, corruption, immorality, inequality, power struggles,…) do not mean that the Islamic ideology is intrinsically incapable of being the base for a modern progressive state based on equality, peace and respect of the other. Even the capitalist imperialist ideology that appears to be the most dominant and successful in this era went through its share of peaks and near-collapses, and is eventually destined to fail. As humanity continues to experience the tragic results of the social systems based on exploitation and injustice, the “alive populations” will definitely choose (or revert to) the ones promising to achieve social equality.

-The social equality movement and its associated theories are not necessarily against spirituality. It is not set to fight “religion” as much as it rallies against the religious institute that “teaches the exploited to accept their fate”. Human beings awareness of “death” instantly pushes them towards a spiritual connection with an unseen force. This connection should not be allowed to get abused by a privileged, non-productive (sometimes illiterate) class of intermediates who view themselves superior to the masses and are closely allied with the exploiting and governing class.
Lenin in this famous “Religion is the opium of the people” piece states that: “Impotence of the exploited classes in their struggle against the exploiters -just as inevitably- gives rise to the belief in a better life after death as impotence of the savage in his battle with nature gives rise to belief in gods, devils, miracles, and the like. Those who toil and live in want all their lives are taught by religion to be submissive and patient while here on earth, and to take comfort in the hope of a heavenly reward.”. This is the perfect explanation to the passive approach of the Arab masses and the recent ever-escalating religious “awakening!” phenomenon among the Arab youth. Lenin also adds: “Religion must be declared a private affair”. “Everyone must be absolutely free to profess any religion he pleases, or no religion whatever, i.e., to be an atheist, which every socialist is, as a rule”. Notice how even though he prefers atheism to be the religion of socialists, he still acknowledged the freedom of religion as long as it does not interfere with the government (i.e. the struggle towards equality). Adopting from President Nasser: “Religion is for God and (Equality) is for all”.

One cannot neglect the role of the regressive agent regimes in promoting the misconceptions regarding the atheist nature of the social equality movements. Instructed by their American imperialist masters, these regimes (Jordan as an example) capitalized on the conservative nature of the Arab societies and exploited the socialist denouncement of religious exploitation. (The regressive propaganda went as far as questioning the Morality of the social equality movement, ignoring that the “leftist” ideology offers a superior version of moral standards, based on respect and appreciation of the fellow human, compared to the religious “juvenile” system of reward and punishment). The regimes created and nurtured an imperialism-funded religious-based political stream and exchanged unlimited support with it against progressive reform movements that was strongly suppressed and persecuted. This also helped create a split among the exploited masses which only benefited the local agents and their imperialist masters on the short and long terms.

(Notice that despite the recently surfacing “differences” between the oppressive regimes and these Islam-based political movements, the regimes continue to prefer them over any other genuine “people-based” social equality and reform movements. The historically passive Islamic movements lack a true destination and has moved from the unconditional support to the regime to a grey area, (As Nahid Hattar recently asked here: What is political Islam relation to the government? (And more importantly to the regime)). Political Islam ability to marginalize a large sector of the population (especially the youth), the ability to control “action-vital” positions in the workers unions and student council under the simple programs of: “I pray, you pray, hence I am your best candidate”, and the ability to employ all that into guiding the masses in the wrong direction and towards fighting the wrong battles are the best guarantees that the regime will never face a true opposition).

A few more facts and fictions:

-Fact: Socialism is a need and not a choice. Inequality of wealth is not only an economic fact; it is a matter of life and death. A quick look at infant mortalities, malnutrition, war casualties, literary rates and the availability of the basic needs of food, clothes and shelter shows the unfair distribution of numbers between the rich and the poor.

-Myth: Everybody have a chance to be an owner of capital in the capitalist society. This is against the basic definition of the capitalist society. The capitalist society is built on constantly reproducing the same two classes: wage earners who can never become the owners of the means of production through their earnings and the owners of those means of production who expand this ownership through reinvestment. It is true that some technicians become company directors, but that usually needs a university education (impossible for workers under a certain poverty level), and even these positions represent another exclusive institution that is closed for the workers. In the USA, 90% of the top managers of important companies come from the top social classes. (Percentages would be expected to be even higher in a third world country where “connections” and nepotism plays even a bigger role). Immoral and unlawful acquisition of capital becomes a viable option especially in under-developed countries with loose application of law.

-Fact: The aim of socialism is a society founded on abundance not poverty. All producers liberate themselves from constant punishing labor, granting sufficient leisure time to the whole community so they can collectively fulfill the tasks of economic, social and political life. There will not be the need for excessive hours of labor that will be appropriated by the capitalist who is accumulating fortune for the sole purpose of accumulating fortune. There is no need for unlimited production growth, but a need for an enough social surplus product, generated from an advanced economy and distributed among all.

-Myth: Social inequality is rooted in the inequality of individual talents or capacities and the class division in society is the product of (inborn selfishness) and egoism. This generally accepted view has no scientific basis. The exploitation of one social class by the other is the product of the evolution of society and not human nature. It has not always existed and it will not survive. There have not always been rich and poor and there will not always be. Humanity has always showed its nostalgia for the community life, and that is proven through the numerous historical revolts against inequality.

-Fact: The members of the exploited class are brought to accept the appropriation of the social surplus by a minority as inevitable, permanent and just. Social equality movements try to convince the workers otherwise, despite the constraints that try to stabilize the class rule. Laws, family and religion try to enforce the surrender to this “fate”, in order to consolidate the domination of one class over the other.

-Myth: “The disorder provoked by the struggle against injustice would be worse than injustice itself (Goethe against the French Revolution)”. Stability and security are necessary for the capitalist economy to function as normal. The collective interest of the capitalist class is what dictates the capitalist state’s behavior. The false sense of security (strictly enjoyed by the rich) also helps convince the exploited to surrender to the established order.