Sunday, September 03, 2006

Archive: A Plea to JP

In celebration of the occasion, a slightly edited version of the letter appealing Abu Shreek’s addition, originally submitted on June 24th, 2006.

Dear Roba, Jameed, Issam, Ba3booz,
Or whoever is currently running the JP organization,

Have you ever noticed that the easiest way to fill up any space is to throw a top-ten list in there? Here are the top ten reasons why Abu Shreek should be added to JP, in no particular order:

1. It has been exactly one month to the day since Abu Shreek started the blog, and practically that was the only listed requirement to join JP.

2. Being on JP will increase the modest (reads: non-existent) readership of the blog. Abu Shreek invests relatively an average amount of effort composing the posts and it is a shame that he cannot get at least 3-5 people to read them.

3. Abu Shreek is pretty sure that he knows someone who is distantly related to both him and you, which makes us family and “garaba”. Also, Abu Shreek is almost certain that the niece of his uncle’s wife (translates: Bint Okht Mart Khalo) went to school with you, and that makes us (kind of) friends.

4. More readers may increase the frequency, quality, (creativity, “irrelativity”, sensitivity, “obscuritivity”) of the posts, and there is a slight and distant chance that the world could be a better place for it.

5. Just to let you know, Abu Shreek’s neighbor (three doors down) is a 3-time member of the Jordanian parliament, and a two-time minister of different things. He is just a sample of the people who (got Abu Shreek’s back). The list (available upon request) include former ambassadors to Europe and the Caribbean, municipality employees, a number of Army and Police officers with ranks of two stars and up, two alleged members of the Rotary/Lions club, and three members of the Jordan Academy for Music. Just a little FYI.

6. A sample of JP “senior members” have (once) commented on the blog and (probably!) said some good things. My friend Batir (a professional opinion, after all he is a journalist, for whatever thats worth), Lina (almost border-line professional) and Hareega (an opinion from the medical community) think that Abu Shreek may be “readable” and a worthy add.

7. Taking a page from the Royal Automobile Club membership form, Abu Shreek’s family owns three cars, with only two licensed drivers in the house (impressive ha?). He is hoping that the fact that one of them is a Skoda and another is a 1979 “200 laff” won’t hurt the membership chances. On the bright side, his uncle is a part owner of a huge Caterpillar Driller (you know the one that wakes you up every morning when it goes TAK-TAK-TAK-TAK-VOOOOM).

8. Being on JP may motivate Abu Shreek to learn some HTML, among other computer illiteracy tools, just to be able to change the stupid background color from green to blue. Blue is Abu Shreek’s favorite color, and he is confident that this additional (personal preferences) tip will increase his membership chances; blue is very popular.

9. If Abu Shreek did not grow up in Jordan, (or did not get a good Tawjihi score), he would have chosen a career in something he enjoys, like becoming a journalist, a theatrical critic or a competitive eater. As he gets older, he tries to compensate for missing out on what he really likes to do. So, he attends a lot of boring musicals and plays, and only yesterday, he ate 16 slices of pizza in 27 minutes. Joining JP is another step in the right direction.

10. If Abu Shreek does not join JP as soon as possible, he may commit acts that are deemed crimes against humanity according to the neglected Geneva convention for the treatment of the prisoners of war, and other non-profit organization’s rulebooks. He may endanger some pre-historic animal species facing the risk of extension. He may go on a liquor-fueled lesbian rampage. He may cut his right ear, stick it in a bag of sunflower seeds and e-mail to BakBouz. You will be held completely responsible and accountable for these acts.

Please add me before the end of the round of sixteen.
Love,
Abu Shreek.

17 comments:

hamede said...

You are on jp.
i submitted to JP in march, can you be my WASTA help me.

Amino said...

Welcome to the planet man! You're in the circle now, the question is, are you ready to handle it?

Hareega said...

good to see you here abu shreek.

bakkouz said...

Ask not what JordanPlanet can do for you, but what you can do for JordanPlanet.
Welcome aboard, better late than never :)

Bass sho ba3booz hai? :\

Batir Wardam said...

This is very persuasive. After winning your JP battle I advise you to run for the Parliament now.

Abu Shreek said...

Hamede,
The (wasta) is a practice that has to be “amputated” from our society. It is an indication of, “retardation (ya3ni takhalloff), and it is deprives the qualified the chance of equal opportunity. (bil 3arabi: wallahi yah hook ma bamoon wala bitla3 bi eedi, bass iza biddak tigta3 rokhsitt swaga aw 6ob3ett taxi, mawdoo3ak 3indi).

Amino,
Given the fact that is a big responsibility (jadd?), and given the fact that I have been known to crumble under pressure and shy away from challenges, the answer is: handle what exactly? :o)

Bahrouz, Hareega,
Thanks, this could not have happened without your support,
Wa fee hathi al monasabeh ba7ibb ahdi hatha al injazz allathi intazarnahoo taweelan la 7adrett…….willa agollak balash, mish wagto.

Batir,
I prefer to leave the parliament for the more “qualified”, since I do not really excel in the areas of ass-kissing and “fingerprinting”, but in case you know somebody who wants to run, you can depend on me to write some empty slogans and speeches that are full with grammatical mistakes.

Batir said...

Abu Shreek I have tagged you, look at
http://batir.jeeran.com/arabic/archive/2006/9/90580.html

Lina said...

:) Welcome aboard!

M3lesh I have to admit inno kiber rasi for being part of this plea!

I guess by now you already know how happy we all are to have you on the Planet, and how Bobular your blog is ;) (yalla I'm trying to return the compliment :p )

El muhim, I'm looking forward to the non-NFL posts!

hamede said...

It is a joke thanks for the speech.

Mala2e6 said...

abu shreek

you should have mentioned one word ..mala2e6..that will get you there..(of course:there is not JP)

ya 3ami my blog was not added la hal2..why oh why?

is it becuase i didn't fill the application? is that a must? :D


anyway mabrook abu shreek u deserve it and u earned it..

bedna shwaywet isla7at while u r there..i will write u my demands later..

now where is the knafeh and warbat..and if u can provide some krayzeh that would be awesome

jameed said...

First, ana ma dakhalni. Taraket il JP w blisht bil arathi...

Second, ma aqna3tni in your reasons. You could have asked and I would have told you that Blogger has the same exact template that you use in blue. All it takes is a click and your desgin will magically change. No need to learn HTML or join JP.
I call this 7ijjaj wahyeh.

PS. JP has a strict policy against writing extensive useless sports analysis.

Abu Shreek said...

Lina,
Honestly, when I referred to you in the plea I was aiming for some kind of a “backhanded” compliment (almost..), bass bi ma innikk tli3ti ktheer a7san minni wa iftraddti 7osonn il niyyeh, all I can say thanks for the kind words.

Malagett,
Boigollek wa7ad dallo yid3i la rabna inno yirba7 bil yanaseeb lail nharr, ba3atloo malak galloo ishtari warga awwal ba3dain binshoof.
Bil nisbeh la 7alawann inshalla bi agrabb forsa momkineh bawaze33 mlabbass 3a looz (imkanati ma btisma7 bi akthar min haik), illa itha bit7bii ab3atlikk 7ostekk email.

Jameed,
La7eth inno hathi il 3areeda inraf3att gabel ma a3raff innak tarakett JP wa t7awwalett lal a3mal il 7orra. Wa fee nafss il wgett iyyamha ma kont ba3raff inn il mawdoo3 kabsett zirr wa bitghayyar il loon. I used to think that it is a much more complicated issue, which is not worth investing time in unless I am on JP.

As for the useless sports analysis, maybe it makes you feel better that, JP or no JP, nobody reads that stuff anyway (ishmatt ya ….), but I cannot quit (sha2a mann sha2 wa aba mann aba..)

Rami said...

Abu-Shreek:

Great to see your blog on JP. I was (and still am) away for a while. Taking a break to reconstruct the damage caused by the Lebanon war on my academics, lol

Rambling Hal said...

Ok, coz of this post alone, they should make you HEAD of JP - honorary president or something. You should frame this post as you claim to fame. Be proud. Be very proud. I fell off my chair laughing. Fa seriously, be PROUD. :)

Ahlan to JP...in a couple of month, you'll think, what the HELL was I so excited about?

You'll see!

:)

Abu Shreek said...

Rami,
zaman 3annak…
7athann sa3eedan fil diraseh

Hala,
Two posts in, I am already considering quitting the whole thing :o)
I appreciate, but cannot accept your generous presidency offer, since I am under-qualified, not leadership material, and it’s been historically proven that anything that involves me at any authoritative position (even honorary) will instantly collapse to the ground.

Anonymous said...

Seasonal Greetings www.blogger.com members.

Are you looking to get your Blog [b]Listed on top of Bing[/b] search engine? Maybe you are looking to get more traffic? We have the perfect deal for you! We offer you an exclusive chance to experiance the knowledge of our [b][url=http://xrumer-blast.com/marketplace/xrumer-products/]Xrumer Services[/url][/b]. [url=http://www.xrumer-blast.com][img]http://xrumer-blast.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif[/img][/url]

It is NOT trash! This is a human created entry specifically created to demonstrate the strength of our automated software and its potential of reaching wide variety of audience in an effective and time saving manner.

We are a group of veteran [b][url=http://xrumer-blast.com/about-xrumer-blast-com/]Internet Marketers[/url][/b] and [b]SEO Experts[/b] that provide [b]Affordable, High Quality, [url=http://xrumer-blast.com/marketplace/seo-products/]SEO Service[/url][/b]. Post your message on thousands of forums, message boards, blogs and journals and gain organic traffic in a matter of days! With the help of our [b][url=http://xrumerblast.livejournal.com/]Search Engine Optimization Experts[/url][/b] your [b]Website URL[/b] can appear on [b]8162[/b] blogs and journals. Receive almost instant increase of SERPS, Get thousands of quality backlinks directly to your Bussiness without lifting a finger!

Our goal is simple; we want to make you and your website on the top of every search engine so you and your family can enjoy the comfort of steady, automatic income without leaving your home. Trough our [b][url=http://xrumer-blast.com/contact-xrumer-blast-com/]SEO Experts Advice[/url][/b] you will receive one of the best support seen in the industry. As part of our [b]Search Engine Optimization Services[/b], we take care of everything for you, from Optimizing your Website for search engines all through ranking your Store on the first page of your Yahoo.

For more information regarding [b]Search Engine Optimiztion[/b] and [b]Xrumer Blast Services[/b] visit [b][url=http://xrumerservice.livejournal.com/]SEO Experts[/url][/b]. Our site includes everything you need to order your first [b]Xrumer Blast[/b], you can create the most appropriate message (Project) to suit your Bussiness, send us the information and after the payment clearance we will start working immediatly!

[url=http://xrumer-blast.com/marketplace/][img]http://xrumer-blast.com/wp-content/uploads/Xrumer-Blast-Logo.png[/img][/url]

Ahmed Ashraf said...

رئيسية الموقع :
مصر اليوم
اخر مواضيع منتديات مصر اليوم :
ترددات قنوات النايل سات الجديدة
اسعار السيارات فى مصر 2012 بالصور

اسعار السيارات فى مصر 2012

مشاركة ارباح ادسنس

اهلا بكم , اضع لكم موقعى لتتطلعوا عليه

منتديات مصر اليوم هى منتديات عامة تهتم بالكثير من الاشياء المصرية . منتديات مصر اليوم هى منتديات عربية عموما مصرية خصوصا و هى منتديات عامة تهتم بكل ما يهتم به الشباب المصرى من الحوار او النقاش او اخر الاخبار او جديد الصور و الاغانى و الالبومات و الكليبات و الافلام و النكت و الفيديوهات و الموبايلات و تحتوى على اقسام مميزة مثل قسم اللغة الانجليزية و قسم اصحاب المواقع و المنتديات و قسم البرامج و القسم الاسلامى و قسم المرأة و قسم الرومانسية و الرياضة المصرية و الكثير ....
شاهد اقسام المنتدى :
اخبار مصر صور نكت مصرية اغانى قنوات و ترددات اخبار الرياضة المصرية مشاهدة مباريات بث مباشر اسعار السيارات