Archive: A Plea to JP

In celebration of the occasion, a slightly edited version of the letter appealing Abu Shreek’s addition, originally submitted on June 24^th, 2006.

Dear Roba, Jameed, Issam, Ba3booz,
Or whoever is currently running the JP organization,

Have you ever noticed that the easiest way to fill up any space is to throw a top-ten list in there? Here are the top ten reasons why Abu Shreek should be added to JP, in no particular order:

1. It has been exactly one month to the day since Abu Shreek started the blog, and practically that was the only listed requirement to join JP.

2. Being on JP will increase the modest (reads: non-existent) readership of the blog. Abu Shreek invests relatively an average amount of effort composing the posts and it is a shame that he cannot get at least 3-5 people to read them.

3. Abu Shreek is pretty sure that he knows someone who is distantly related to both him and you, which makes us family and “garaba”. Also, Abu Shreek is almost certain that the niece of his uncle’s wife (translates: Bint Okht Mart Khalo) went to school with you, and that makes us (kind of) friends.

4. More readers may increase the frequency, quality, (creativity, “irrelativity”, sensitivity, “obscuritivity”) of the posts, and there is a slight and distant chance that the world could be a better place for it.

5. Just to let you know, Abu Shreek’s neighbor (three doors down) is a 3-time member of the Jordanian parliament, and a two-time minister of different things. He is just a sample of the people who (got Abu Shreek’s back). The list (available upon request) include former ambassadors to Europe and the Caribbean, municipality employees, a number of Army and Police officers with ranks of two stars and up, two alleged members of the Rotary/Lions club, and three members of the Jordan Academy for Music. Just a little FYI.

6. A sample of JP “senior members” have (once) commented on the blog and (probably!) said some good things. My friend Batir (a professional opinion, after all he is a journalist, for whatever thats worth), Lina (almost border-line professional) and Hareega (an opinion from the medical community) think that Abu Shreek may be “readable” and a worthy add.

7. Taking a page from the Royal Automobile Club membership form, Abu Shreek’s family owns three cars, with only two licensed drivers in the house (impressive ha?). He is hoping that the fact that one of them is a Skoda and another is a 1979 “200 laff” won’t hurt the membership chances. On the bright side, his uncle is a part owner of a huge Caterpillar Driller (you know the one that wakes you up every morning when it goes TAK-TAK-TAK-TAK-VOOOOM).

8. Being on JP may motivate Abu Shreek to learn some HTML, among other computer illiteracy tools, just to be able to change the stupid background color from green to blue. Blue is Abu Shreek’s favorite color, and he is confident that this additional (personal preferences) tip will increase his membership chances; blue is very popular.

9. If Abu Shreek did not grow up in Jordan, (or did not get a good Tawjihi score), he would have chosen a career in something he enjoys, like becoming a journalist, a theatrical critic or a competitive eater. As he gets older, he tries to compensate for missing out on what he really likes to do. So, he attends a lot of boring musicals and plays, and only yesterday, he ate 16 slices of pizza in 27 minutes. Joining JP is another step in the right direction.

10. If Abu Shreek does not join JP as soon as possible, he may commit acts that are deemed crimes against humanity according to the neglected Geneva convention for the treatment of the prisoners of war, and other non-profit organization’s rulebooks. He may endanger some pre-historic animal species facing the risk of extension. He may go on a liquor-fueled lesbian rampage. He may cut his right ear, stick it in a bag of sunflower seeds and e-mail to BakBouz. You will be held completely responsible and accountable for these acts.

Please add me before the end of the round of sixteen.
Love,
Abu Shreek.